I would expect a child of 9 to join in conversations around the table. If you think about what she does chatter about joyjoy, is it about things she's particularly interested in, rather than things others are interested in? I'm asking because my youngest DGC has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers, and this apparently was one of the defining symptoms. He will quite happily talk AT you for ages about Pokemon or Minecraft but can't maintain a conversation about something that interests you. He also finds it difficult to 'read' emotions. He is also 9, and this is something which has very much come to the fore this year.