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Is my son being naive????

(80 Posts)
Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 19:22:55

This is a strange situation, and one I feel needs a delicate touch.

My son lives in an area of lots of rental properties. There are students, and lots of different nationalities. Drugs and prostitution are associated with the worst streets there. Its often in the local news for some kind of criminal and/or violent trouble.

The other day, when he was parking (you need a permit)he was approached by a young muslim girl who offered him some free parking tickets and asked him back to her house (4 doors away)for a cup of tea. He agreed but when he reached her door had a phone call and had to leave.

Now he thinks she was being friendly and neighbourly and wants to invite her back in return.
He's very open to anyone, and has been known to sit with beggars in the street throughout the night to keep them company.

All I know is that a female wearing traditional head covering, is likely to be religious. Her adoption of that style of clothing showing the world her respectability, and part of being 'respectable' is that women/girls arnt supposed to mix with men unaccompanied are they?
In the mosque the women are separated.
Fathers and brothers dominate their lives, making marriage, financial and other decisions for them, I understand.
So what would her family think?

What if he gets trouble from her male relatives? Why would this girl be so forward as to invite a strange male into her house?

My son thinks only good things of people, and I know he would tell me off if I dared point out my worries to him.

If I lived in the area he does, as a western woman I wouldn't be so foolish as to open my doors to a stranger, so am I wrong to be suspicious? confused

What do you think?

Charleygirl Sun 04-Jun-17 19:28:24

I personally would stay well clear- what were her motives? Would she be calling "rape"?

mimiro Sun 04-Jun-17 19:28:45

how old is he.
i would be leery of ANY stranger inviting me to tea at their home??

Anniebach Sun 04-Jun-17 19:32:26

I think you need to worry about your son

Norah Sun 04-Jun-17 19:49:49

I think he should run the other direction.

M0nica Sun 04-Jun-17 19:51:40

I would be wary of anyone whom I did not know who approached me in the street, offered me some incentive and then invited me into their home. That wariness would apply even in the nice low crime village I live in.

In an urban area, I would run a mile, completely regardless of the ethnic, religious or social status of the unknown woman. Chat to someone in the street or in the corner shop or supermarket queue and build a relationship, but be very wary of someone unknown coming up to you in the street, offering you some incentive and immediately inviting you home. It cannot be for an honest purpose. He could be being set-up for robbery, physical attack, assault accusations and blackmail.

Would any woman, regardless of background, walk up to an unknown man on the street, offer incentives and an invitation home if it was not with criminal intent and she knew there were
other people in the house to be with her? She would be making herself vulnerable to assault and rape and would know that.

Namsnanny how old is your son and how long has he lived in this area? I find it difficult to believe that any person old or young capable of living independently could be gullible enough to believe that this invitation was purely one of neighbourhood friendship.

Wasn't he ever warned about the dangers of going off with strangers as a child and that dangerous strangers do not necessarily look dangerous? I think he should be returning home as soon as possible until he has learnt some common sense and sense of self preservation..

merlotgran Sun 04-Jun-17 19:52:59

I think there might be something fishy about this post?

Iam64 Sun 04-Jun-17 20:06:37

I agree merlogran.

Ana Sun 04-Jun-17 20:10:26

And me...

M0nica Sun 04-Jun-17 20:20:36

You may be right. But if they posted hoping to engender any kind of culturally prejudice they have been disappointed.

Rinouchka Sun 04-Jun-17 20:31:36

What a strange post and totally impossible circumstance. No young Muslim woman would invite a complete male stranger to her house for tea or even talk to him. This is an imagined tale...and not a very good one at that!

Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 21:06:20

Thanks for your replies, but I can assure you nothing I have written is untrue!!!!

Rinouchka: This happened.......You seem to be well versed in the Muslim faith, do you know any Muslim people yourself, maybe you could help me out by asking them for their opinion? Thanks.

Merlotgran: Nothing fishy at all....I was hoping to get some genuine points of view, not silliness, but I guess that IS your point of view.

MOnica: Yes I'd love to drag him back home but he's a little too old for that now, even though he sounds very young, I think that's why I used the word naïve!

Charleygirl, mimiro, Anniebach, Norah, Thanks for the replies, in the round they reflect the feeling I had.

Girls, I've never posted before, and I must say I expected a..........'different' reception.

Deedaa Sun 04-Jun-17 21:40:09

I have invited random strangers into my home in the past Namsnanny and lived to tell the tale, but this seems dodgy to me. First the parking tickets and then the tea. If she is really just being friendly I would expect a bit of chat before any invitations. It's lovely to take people at face value but you can be too trusting.

Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 21:50:05

Deedaa: Thanks, smile yes my view entirely! I think my son feels this girl has struck a blow for her independence and should be supported.....not the view I would take.

Now though, how to persuade him I'm concerned for her and his welfare and not a sour old puss who doesn't trust people from another culture!! hmm

Anniebach Sun 04-Jun-17 21:51:33

Sorry, but not comfortable with this post ,

jacksmum Sun 04-Jun-17 21:51:57

If this is an honest post then i think you should have a good chat with your son , this girl may have struck a blow for her Independence but does her family agree ??

Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 22:05:36

Anniebach: Sorry you feel that way, but surely the way to handle this thread if you truly don't believe me is to just.........STAY AWAY!!

Jacksmum: Thanks for the reply. I should like very much to chat to him, but maybe its difficult for others to understand this, my adult children live a very 'peace and love' life style, and find any negativity oppressive.

Please everyone this post IS genuine!confused

Anniebach Sun 04-Jun-17 22:13:17

And you have never posted before? You are far more confident than I was when I first posted,and for quite a few which followed .

Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 22:21:32

Anniback: Chill out, your pi skills are showing! This is the first time ive posted HERE, but if you don't believe or like this post then you wont believe anything I say will you? Just find another post you prefer. Easy peasy

merlotgran Sun 04-Jun-17 22:24:49


Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 22:28:48


M0nica Sun 04-Jun-17 22:29:14

Put the cultural issue aside, it is a red herring. The issue is that a woman approaches an unknown man in the street offers to do him a favour and then invites him into her house.

Any woman who cannot see the problem and dangers in doing that is either mentally ill or doing it, with accomplices, to commit some kind of crime and much the same can apply to the man. He is either blinded by the possibility of free sex, mentally ill or too vulnerable to be living away from home or without social services support.

*Namsnanny says my adult children live a very 'peace and love' life style, and find any negativity oppressive.
I am sorry that does not wash. Is she really saying that when her children were small she brought them up so that they had no idea that there was anybody in the world who might harm them?
How can any parent be so irresponsible as to place her children in such danger.

My only response now is that she is reaping where she has sown. If her son wants to walk into the lion's den let him, but if he ends up with his head bitten off she will only have herself to blame. A peace and love lifestyle without negativity doesn't need to mean a life devoid of common sense.

Namsnanny Sun 04-Jun-17 22:37:37

Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Please Please ladies, If you don't like the heat get out of the kitchen.

Plenty more threads for you to play in.

I had hoped for some GENUINE sensible conversations.

I reiterate......I'm reaching out for CONSTRUCTIVE opinions

NOT argumentative tittle tattle. confused

Thank you all those who tried. smile

MawBroon Sun 04-Jun-17 22:45:40

For a (I assume) new poster Namsnanny you seem extraordinarily aggressive. if you can't stand the heat etc etc.
It is a pretty weird scenario to ask totally unknown people how a young (?) man they have never met should behave when (apparently) being chatted up but a (traditional?) Muslim girl. confused
Is he not able to judge for himself?
You say it is a dodgy area, that speaks for itself. Selling parking permits is illegal -what does that say about the scenario?
Finally, you ask for opinions.
You get them
What is your problem?

merlotgran Sun 04-Jun-17 22:47:16

Go away, Namsnanny. If you think we're a bunch of gullible old biddies then you're the one who is naive.