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Your Biggest Regret

(99 Posts)
Serkeen Sun 03-Sep-17 16:54:47

This subject really interests me, because I always wonder how people deal with their regrets.

I am terrible, I constantly ponder them because my regrets have changed the course of my life

grannysue05 Sun 03-Sep-17 16:59:34

I only have small regrets, not life changing ones, so I count my blessings on this.
There are some things that I wish I had done better or differently, but I don't dwell....doesn't help at all.
You sound as though you have had to deal with a lot of really important events that changed your life.
I wish that you could let them go.
You would be happier.

lilypollen Sun 03-Sep-17 16:59:43

.......was taking voluntary redundancy from a job I loved in the 80s as I couldn't juggle it and 2 children and a DH in a demanding job......

ginny Sun 03-Sep-17 17:27:43

No point in regrets. What is done and gone is just that. Make the most of the here and now.

Norah Sun 03-Sep-17 17:29:02

Getting married at 16, not continuing education.

Imperfect27 Sun 03-Sep-17 17:41:07

Serkeen l think it only hurts us to keep returning to what cannot be changed and worse, may mean we undervalue what we have now. I don't think many people have really straightforward 'easy' lives, l know for sure that money does not buy happiness and without wanting to appear sanctimonious or trite, l do think it is better to count blessings. If something keeps hurting and cannot be 'let go' then perhaps support is needed to aid the process. I expect most of us get a bit battle weary and prone to down times if we have been through the mill, that is simply human, but if the hurt keeps coming, that needs help. Sorry if l have jumped in the deep end with this ... I guess regret holds different levels of meaning depending on how life has panned out,,but l have had to face my own demons and feel it is better to look forward if looking back makes us unhappy. X

kittylester Sun 03-Sep-17 18:00:12

I'm with ginny - look forward not back.

gillybob Sun 03-Sep-17 18:13:14

Similar to you Norah
Marrying my sons father ( a waste of space) at 18.
Not following my dream of doing social work.
Dropping out of education.

Norah Sun 03-Sep-17 18:18:14

Fortunately, gillybob, DH remains the love of my life along with my children. But I regret the early marriage and children shelved education and a career. It is a big regret, to me, when others have made something of their life and done big things.

Maggiemaybe Sun 03-Sep-17 19:07:06

There's nothing we can do about the past, so it's best not to look back unless it makes us smile. I've no real regrets, as my choices in life have led to me being happy now. On the other hand, if I had a time machine, I'd pop back to 1997, when we got five winning numbers in one of the first National Lottery draws. If I'd picked unlucky 13 instead of my "lucky" number 16 we'd have won a bit more than the cost of a holiday.

Smithy Sun 03-Sep-17 19:20:16

More regret for what I didn't do than what I did do. But as has been said, the past cant be changed so its best to count your blessings.

midgey Sun 03-Sep-17 19:30:54

Norah, my mum always said she never regretted who she married just the time ...s son s she left school.

annsixty Sun 03-Sep-17 19:33:58

I regret not having one more child, but it didn't happen.
My biggest regret is letting my mother dictate my life.
I now have so much more confidence but that is down to my life's experience. It is not always given to young people to be strong, I was very weak and my mother took advantage and morally blackmailed me, more is the pity.

J52 Sun 03-Sep-17 19:41:56

I have no regrets, but might have liked to see into the future and altered a few things!

Serkeen Sun 03-Sep-17 20:06:21

That's such a nice post Imperfect27 and has helped me make sense of a few things, thank you.

loopyloo Sun 03-Sep-17 20:10:00

Not putting money on a horse called Maori Venture.

tanith Sun 03-Sep-17 20:37:18

I do regret not asking my parents more about their families and early lives, my Mum left some tantalising stories in an attempt to write about her early life but it posed more questions than answers unfortunately.

Swanny Sun 03-Sep-17 21:13:53

ann I can appreciate what you said about your mother. My big regret is not fighting for my husband. I was devastated when he told me he loved another woman (who didn't last long in his life anyway). My mother had nothing but scorn for him and although I didn't agree with the things she said about him, I didn't have the strength to go against her. When my sister's husband did the same thing, our mother told her to fight if she wanted him as she'd seen how it had affected me. Unfortunately I didn't know this till many years later, by when it was all too late.

Ok I've been places and done things I wouldn't have done with my ex but that doesn't make up for all the pain that's been experienced by us both and our offspring.

M0nica Sun 03-Sep-17 21:30:08

tanith, I feel much the same, but most of the questions I would like to ask come as a result of the launch of Ancestry that has enabled to trace back my family with some very surprising results. Unfortunately my mother died only a few years before these sites were launched so I would not have been able to ask her the questions that now I would most like answered.

M0nica Sun 03-Sep-17 21:39:29

Apart from the above, like others, I do not have regrets. Any decisions I have made, for good or ill, seemed the best at the time. Some were good decisions others weren't. I have just accepted them and live with the results.

There are a one or two events that occasionally I look back on and wonder how my life would have gone had I made a different decision or acted differently. But there is no guarantee that overall life would have gone any better. It would have had ups and downs like the life I have lived. They would just have been different ups and downs.

Charleygirl Sun 03-Sep-17 22:25:49

I do not have any regrets and I try not to think back if I would have done things differently. I have moved on.

gillybob Sun 03-Sep-17 22:54:26

That's lovely Norah and really shouldn't be a regret at all. Imagine if you hadn't married so young you might have gone your separate ways and the love of your life might have been lost forever. I'm happy for you that it all worked out. smile

I married my sons father as I was pressurized into doing so. A huge mistake. The "marriage" (such as it was) lasted months.

gillybob Sun 03-Sep-17 22:57:55

I know that Having "the great career" isn't everything, but doing a job you enjoy wouldn't feel so much like hard work. I hate my job (with a passion) and I know I would have enjoyed doing some kind of social work. Sadly it wasn't to be.

Imperfect27 Sun 03-Sep-17 23:35:48

Norah, we sometimes do 'small great things' without realising. Building a family life, putting children first, giving up self to fulfil roles for others - often this goes relatively unseen and undervalued by society, but I think it makes a world of difference. smile

loopyloo Mon 04-Sep-17 07:38:02

Gillybob, that's so sad. When can you retire? Or could you change to some sort of social work?