Your Biggest Regret

I also liked Imperfect27s very wise and comforting words . Life happens and there are some things you cannot do anything about.

annsixty you have written what I would have written. Exactly the same. Apart from the confidence thing - I haven't got much of that, and I'm still having to deal with the mother problem.

I do sometimes regret marrying when i did. Then if i had not i would not have my son, daughter in law, grandson & grandaughter who all make my life worth living!

I think it very much depends on your personality. My DH often mulls over the mistakes he made whereas I tend to think one makes a decision based on what one knew at the time. I have spent my life deliberately forgetting the past and trying to make the best of the present and planning for the future.

It is almost impossible not to ponder the ' what ifs' but if we had chosen a different option we would still be in the same position of thinking ' what if ' if you get my drift ?!

Lovely post....They flow with identical thoughts! You put them so gently but honestly. I wonder if you are some sort of therapist in a previous times!!!

Regrets - I've had a few - but then again, too few to mention

Regrets? I wrote this poem which sums up my philosophy about them... Spilt Milk

We all have things we’ve done in life, that cause us some regret,
Those sometimes painful memories, we try hard to forget,
We wish we could go back in time, and change things that we’ve done,
A thoughtless act, a careless word, our history to re-run.
But there’s no way to change the past, no point in being stressed,
Though we sometimes got it badly wrong, we may have tried our best.
So use that past experience as we move ahead in life,
Learn from those mistakes we made, avoiding future strife,
Our lives are like when driving, we move on down the track,
And check our rear view mirror, as if we’re looking back,
And picturing what lies there, with older, wiser eyes,
To make sure nothing creeps back up, to take us by surprise.
That’s why that rear view mirror is relatively small,
To glance in it from time to time will do no harm at all,
For just a quick reflection on what lies out there behind,
Not something we should dwell on, and let dominate our mind.
Our windscreens are much larger, so look out front instead,
It’ll help our onward journey if we always look ahead.
Too much attention to the past can leave us feeling vexed,
Let’s all instead just concentrate on where we’re headed next.
Have no regrets, just see those past times in a different way,
Be thankful that they’ve made the people who we are today.
Show kindness to yourself, and listen to your needs,
Nurture all your dreams as if precious, growing seeds.
If you treat yourself as if you were a dear and valued friend,
Your days can truly gain from a life-long dividend…

Very interesting reading this as my life hasn't always been a bowl of cherries but yes I'm going to try harder to make every opportunity count go with it girls!!

I regret nothing.

There are things with hindsight I might have done differently, or choices I made that I wouldn't make again. But here I am, I quite like me, I love my life, my family .

I'll take that , thank you very much :-)

Beautiful poem. Where we are headed next... autumn in all its glory. Planting bulbs, new rose bush, new fruit trees at allotment.

One regret, that I wasnt with either of my Parents just before they died, they werent alone , but I wasnt there due to living in another Country, I couldnt have done anything, but it is still a regret.

I once had a choice (in the mid 70s)....move from the City to Bournmouth with company I worked for and continue doing job I loved or take redundancy and continue seeing the guy I eventually married. I chose the latter. I have often wondered what would have happened if I had gone. But then I think we do what we are supposed to do in out life...

This year I decided at 66 to follow a dream and not look back and wonder 'what if'. I left my rented home and bought a narrow boat to live on. So far so good...loving it

great poem - it says it all

After the age of around 15 not having the sense to realise working hard at school was more important than boys and then missing out on uni because I was pregnant. Not asking my late dad re his childhood and wartime experiences. Still a great life all in all.

Wonderful response Imperfect27. Beautifully expressed everything I would like to say.

And to ethulwulf, what a beautiful, thoughtful and very meaningful poem. The gransnet contributors are full of hard won wisdom and life experience.

My two main regrets were that I didn't do better academically and career-wise and that I, having met the first of two loves in my life (he wasn't free to marry me), eventually allowed myself to settle for a distrous marriage. I stuck it for 10 years, but eventually left him for 2nd love, which has lasted so far for over 30 years, but 1st husband interfered and caused horrific problems for my whole new family, eventually causing total and irrevocable alienation from our daughters. I was even tempted to use psychic attacks on him to be rid of him, but fortunately DH stopped me doing this.

Lovely poem Etelwulf

I regret a lot of small things but I don't let it take over my life.
The biggest regret is and always will be that I wasn't there when my son died or that I didn't do enough to save him.

I could dwell on my regrets - as Frank Sinatra sang: "I've had a few". However I ended up lucky and although life is never perfect, I count my blessings everyday. Most importantly to you gals out there that regret shelving education- it's never too late. I did my degree when I was over 50 having completed an access course in my 40s. I finished post grad training around the age of 55 so never too late. My pal is doing an OU degree and she's almost 70. YOU CAN DO IT! I know money can be an issue but for most people on a low income there are concessions, do think about it - it's well worth a go.

Pressures were different. Being a girl I was expected to go out to work at 16 contribute to the family and get married. I married far too young. Which has been my regret because I stuck with it. Loyalty over everything but do have a great family. I did go to uni not that long ago. Not all it's cracked up to be. I can see why most of the young spend their time drinking.

Etelwulf could I post your lovely poem to carers ul forum please?

UK

I regret handing money over to my husband during our marriage thinking that it was going into a 'kitty'. Lots of times I could have used the money to buy clothes and outings for the children or even saving it for my future but I thought it would be better to 'save' as a family. Turned out that he was spending most of it and then took the rest with him when he ran off after 28 years. I spent borrowed money trying to claw some back so that the children and I could buy a home but it has left me permanently hard up and feeling bitter. I am particularly p'd off when the grandchildren say nice things about him and wish I could enlighten them but of course I can't, which I also regret!