'Once a cheater, always a cheater' is totally true, say scientists

I do so hope it isn't true, I'm trying to rebuild my marriage after being cheated on and as we are in our 70's it's the hardest thing to do, but for some unknown reason I'm hanging in there

I cheated in my first marriage and regretted it and my late husband made my life a misery for the next 20 years. Not an argument went by without mention of my infidelity, he bullied me so badly I ended up in therapy for several years after he died. Some may say I deserved it, but 20 years? I stayed, too scared to leave. The question really should be: could you live together happily afterwards. We didn't and hated each other. My relationship now is very happy and we are both faithful, with the understanding that if either strayed we would end our relationship. Bitter experience tells me that forgiveness is nigh on impossible.

Once a cheater always a cheater is not true.

Tricky one. The father of my children (ex husband), cheated on me twice, although he denies one of the affairs. The problem was, that it changed me forever as a person and even though I forgave, I never forgot. I still wanted to be married to him and we got on well together, had a good sex life, could talk to each-other and just gelled together. But, a few years after, he started a new job and I worked myself up into such a lather that he might fancy someone at work, and my old insecurities came back. He knew something was wrong and he tried to sooth things and reassure me. I just had a mental block on the whole thing and although it's no excuse, I feel my hormones had something to do with my decision on that day and at that time, so much so that one morning when he was in the shower I took the house key off his set of keys. When he got in the car he noticed the key was missing and knocked on the door. I wouldn't answer and basically the rest is history. Yes, he cheated all those years ago, but I had thrown him out based on only my fears. I deeply regret our divorce. On a different day of the month, perhaps I would have been more rational lol! We both went on to marry again, and we both divorced again. I still love him and my daughters have said he still loves me and asks about me. He is in a long term relationship and I married yet again 5 years ago.
The flame of a candle is a beautiful thing, but touch the flame and the outcome will always be the same.

For me a cheating partner would not be given another chance to cheat on me as I would never forgive that betrayal.
So it's hard for me to say if people can change. As each individual circumstance is just that, it seems maybe unfair to tar every person who cheats with the same brush.

Must admit, I tend to agree that if someone cheats on their partner,for whatever reason,they would do so again if the same set of circumstances arise.
Some people are serial cheaters who just can't seem to help themselves,while others may cheat once for a particular reason. I still think they would do it again as it seems to meet some need they have.

I agree some people are serial cheaters who love the intrigue and excitement. There are other people who may be unfaithful during a very unhappy marriage but go on to be a faithful, loyal partner in their next marriage or life long relationship, Bet a few of us have experience of that

Does cheating include 'mental cheating' ? Fancying someone else and flirting. Going out of your way to be with that person.
Then wanting your partner to be more like that person you fancy?

I think I would count that as cheating. "Emotional cheating" I think, is the word for it.

Yes - it would count as cheating in my book. It's also likely to be a precursor to RL cheating.

Sorry, I don't agree not everyone is a serial cheater, my husband had an affair, 7 years ago, we had been married 30 years, despite that, our marriage was still strong so we both had counseling and found out something triggered memories from his childhood just an exscuse "NO" it sorted out a lot of issues for him, had I not been working so many hours at work I may have been able to help him when the problem arose, I wasn't and I can't turn back the clock, but our marriage is still strong, you do have to work at it but it can work if you want it to, yes I forgave but it happened you just have to move on, I also don't bring it up either that is cruel, we enjoy our life due to changes on both sides, it was the worst thing to go through but also the best as it helped us to get back to a happier and healthier marriage, unfortunately not everyone is as lucky as we are, but as they say don't tar everyone with the same brush.

Before we think 'cheater', we need to look at the word 'trust'. Every time my husband cheated on me, I knew. What galled though was that he made out I was imagining things and 'losing it'. The next time my 'gut instinct' kicked in, I decided I did not deserve this treatment...my own sense of self respect kicked in.....so I waited, listened, watched and then went to see the female concerned and confronted her. I was right. We subsequently divorced and it was then that I found out about more females he had slept with during our marriage.....and please, don't go thinking that it was thrills he was looking for...our marriage had it all in the sexual department...and I mean ALL. He obviously had no respect for me, himself or the children.....he should never had married. Long after our divorce the question was asked.....'Why did you do it'...... The answer? Because I could. I firmly believe that's why most men screw (forgive the pun) around...a) because they can, b) because there are lots of females out there who knowingly do the same with men they know are married with families, c) lack of self-respect and d) lack of self responsibility. I think in today's world a sexual relationship between many couples is little better than two dogs rutting in the back garden. No emotion other than lust. So, so sad. Am I bitter? No. I have a far happier life now than I've ever had.

I do think some people are serial cheats: looking to fulfil some deep seated need, maybe? Unlikely to find anything needed to fix yourself by flitting from person to person though.

A cheat, if you are married to one, unless it's a drunken one night stand, a one off, although awful, does not compete with a cheat. If they have been having an affair, it is all the lies, the betrayal of someone you trust with all your heart, how long as it been going on, where, what lies did you have to swallow so they could be with their new person. To be cheated on, brings your self esteem so low, destroys your
confidence, for me that relationship could not recover. How

can you trust again, why would you risk it? Others rather than face the unknown, stay with what they know. I think anyone is worth more than that.

I forgave but I've never forgotten.

Difference I suppose between one who cheats once and regrets it and never re-offends and those who are habitual cheaters.

Come on....I'm sure we all recognise the type and have been hit on by them often enough to recognise their patter.

To discover your partner/ husband has cheated is one of the worst betrayals you can suffer. I was only aware of the one affair which ended my marriage but looking back I can recognise moments now when I was probably being "gaslighted". My ex husband's brother was even once accused (behind his back) of misbehaving to cover for a "mistaken identity" black eye my ex had received. Years later I learned from my ex's sister that she wasn't sure how many of "his women" had led to full blown affairs. My ex was presumably unfaithful for most of my marriage and I had been living in a bubble which ultmately burst. The divorce was heartbreaking but I could never have forgotten and repaired such a breakdown of trust. And yes, I think if the opportunity came along I think this man would cheat again on the woman he left me for.

Me too Majorcagirl. Forgave but never forgotten.

The hard part is when you know a friend's husband is one of these and you don't know if you should tell her or not.

If they have done it once, they will do it again.

I think a long standing affair would be harder to get over than a drunken one night stand.

Jojo58 I could have written your post.

Worst experience of my life, absolute hell, but it did not end our marriage. I can see why it happened and what part I played in it.

If someone is genuinely remorseful, acknowledges the hurt inflict d and realises how they nearly lost everything then why would they repeat the mistake? So no I completely disagree with the OP's statement. Just celebrated our 45th anniversary and our marriage is stronger than ever.

Something's are worth fighting for!

Depends on what you mean by cheat.Sleeping with someone certainly is. Online flirting not so much as never goes any further just an ego boost .

I worked with a serial cheater who managed to have three women on the go at one time, as far as I know he cheated right up to developing Alzheimer's.
His wife knew about his womanising but stuck by him until his death at 70. I'm amazed he never got Willy rot, but also he always manage to remember who's knickers he was in.

My friend knows that her husband cheated on her once because the other woman told her.
I am pretty sure that wasn't the only time and I suspect my friend knows that also.
She stayed because she wasn't prepared to give up her very good lifestyle, on the whole I think it has worked for them , they seem content and have a lovely family.