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Troubled Grandson

(37 Posts)
Nanna1 Sun 24-Sep-17 10:18:10

Hi this is my first time writing on here. I am upset but don't show it to my 3.5 year old grandson. He screams and cries when he sees me and won't look look at me. He walks into his nursery with his hands over his eyes so no one can see him. Was wondering if he's on autism spectrum, although hate labelling him but it would help answer. Can anyone help me please.

Luckygirl Sun 24-Sep-17 10:40:45

This is slightly troubling behaviour if it happens every time. Might be worth chatting to HV and nursery about this

Starlady Sun 24-Sep-17 12:56:23

Kids go through some weird stages where they suddenly "don't like" certain people for no apparent reason. Maybe you have a different eye color than the rest of the family and that seems strange to him right now. Or maybe he doesn't like the perfume you wear.

Those are just examples. Could be any little thing. And it could change all of a sudden, too, and he'll be all hugs and kisses. If it hasn't been going on long, I'd wait and see. I certainly wouldn't start labeling him.

If it's been going on a long time/several months, that might be more of a worry. What do the parents say?

Starlady Sun 24-Sep-17 12:57:35

Speaking of the parents, are there any tensions between you and them? If there are, he might sense it and be reacting to that.

BlueBelle Sun 24-Sep-17 13:07:02

Just a thought have you ever taken him out ( without parents) or looked after him when parents go out he may connect you with the parents 'disappearing'
I d certainly wait and see, no point in labelling him at this stage, take him some sweets or little car when you see him and see if that entices him
You don't say if it's always happened or it's a new way of behaving

lemongrove Sun 24-Sep-17 16:06:06

I agree with your thoughts Nanna1 on his being on the autistic spectrum, have to say ( with some experience of this) that it sounds very likely.

Ana Sun 24-Sep-17 16:29:22

Is te walking into nursery with his hands over his eyes connected with you, or just a behavioural thing?

MissAdventure Sun 24-Sep-17 16:31:23

It may be social anxiety: three and a half is quite young to know all the 'rules' about mixing with others, so I would be wary of labelling it. Children develop at different rates.

Nanna1 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:52:20

Thank you for your responses. I am a grandmother 6 times over and this is a first to me. I get on extremely well with sil and DD. I live over 100 miles away so only see them once a month but for a couple of days once there. Nursery have not commented on his behaviour although aware of it. When I visit always take sweeties and hes not interested just goes into melt down. It's got that way I dread going for a visit as I think Ive got two heads. 😳

Elrel Sun 24-Sep-17 23:39:17

Could you try ignoring GS? Maybe if you don't look at him or speak to him he'll eventually approach you. Could you sit on the floor and examine a toy or book you've brought as a present for GS? However unreasonable it sounds, he may feel threatened by your presence.
I was about 6 when I used to hide in my bedroom when visitors arrived. I mean perfectly pleasant aunts and uncles whom I didn't dislike but didn't see very often.

FarNorth Sun 24-Sep-17 23:51:52

My DGD, now 4, used to try to avoid me when I visited. I live quite far away so only see them 4 or 5 times a year.
I didn't try to entice her or interact with her at all, but just talked with her parents and she'd gradually get used to me being there.
Now she is a little older, things have improved.

Along with your DGS's behaviour at nursery, it sounds as if he isn't yet sure how to interact with others.

Just let him go at his own pace.

FarNorth Sun 24-Sep-17 23:55:23

Btw, my DGD did also scream and/or cry on seeing me.

BlueBelle Mon 25-Sep-17 07:16:23

What you haven't told us unless I ve missed it is if he behaves this way with only you ?
How does he interact at nursery with the teachers the other kids, the parents even when coming and going If he runs away from everyone with eyes shut you might have reason to worry if it's just you it's something quite innocent that connects in his brain
You say nursery is aware of his behaviour what does that mean .... are they aware he behaves strangely at nursery? Or that it's been mentioned to them that he behaves that way with you?

Nanna1 Mon 25-Sep-17 07:53:05

From what I can make out he's like that with all adults, If they try to talk to him or interact with him. He's very clingy to his mummy, lovely with his little friends. Sometimes he won't go to his daddy if mummy is there. Nursery have not commented just accept his behaviour. I've spoken to his child minder and she didn't seem worried although he acted up when she came back from her holiday. I know it best to ignore him but find it disturbing as parents have to wait till he's in bed before going out on a date night.

Iam64 Mon 25-Sep-17 08:02:57

Some children are more difficult to bring up than others. I know that's simplistic but imo it's true. Some are more stubborn, more sensitive, more active, more defiant than others. It isn't always down to poor parenting or a child having developmental or psychological problems. Growing up isn't easy is it smile

Anya Mon 25-Sep-17 08:04:45

Like lemongrove I have some experience of autism and this is a possibility given your observations. This 'labelling' is a double-edged sword, but my experience is that the sooner ASD is diagnosed the sooner strategies can be put into place to help the child and parents.

BlueBelle Mon 25-Sep-17 09:24:08

Oh gosh I could never 'escape' at night before they were asleep that sounds quite normal

The playing up after child minder has been away sounds normal loo When I had my little grandaughter when her parents went on holiday she was coming up to 2 when they returned ( only a week) she ran to me hid her face in my shoulder and wouldn't speak to them for the rest of the morning They were so disappointed I think they had imagined her running into their arms I told them she was punishing them 😂
The fact that he's lovely with his little friends points to it being a much more shyness of adults thingy than autism His childminder obviously hasn't any cincerns Not going to Daddy when mummy's there also sounds perfectly normal as well
Wait and see and don't look for comparences Iam is quite right they are all so very different

ExaltedWombat Mon 25-Sep-17 09:25:24

You can try various strategies without labelling him with a 'diagnosis'. Or you can let it run it's course. Remember, the nursery don't seem worried.

radicalnan Mon 25-Sep-17 09:36:22

If the nursery aren't worried then he must settle with them.

I suspect he will grow out of it he is very young.

One of mine, resorted to wearing his ski jacket in class, zipped up so he appeared to be a boy without a head, his small country school allowed this until he had recovered from a dreadful emotional shock he'd had and felt ble to emerge from his jacket. He was 11.

Give him time.

Nanna1 Mon 25-Sep-17 09:52:20

Awww thank you all so much for your comments. It's reassuring hearing your stories. I hope it's just a time thingy.

maddyone Mon 25-Sep-17 09:55:50

I don't really like this word labelling, I had some experience of autism when I was teaching, and there is a huge resistance to actually diagnosing autism in young children, even with Health Visitors and other health professionals. Anya is correct, the sooner it is diagnosed, the sooner strategies can be put into place to support the child and family. We should be aware that autism has a large spectrum, with very mildly affected people to severely affected people. It very well may be that he's just very shy with adults, and based on my own experience that sounds likely, but I'm not a doctor, autism is only ever diagnosed by a pediatrician, and so if his parents are concerned they may wish to speak to their GP to organise an assessment. Don't sorry about people saying you're labelling him, you're expressing a concern and only a pediatrician can diagnose him.

Nonnie Mon 25-Sep-17 11:00:16

I think you have enough experience to know when to be worried so do not ignore it. If he has autism the sooner it is diagnosed and he get appropriate help the better.

I have a young relative who was diagnosed before the age of 3 and now, at 5 is at a special school getting the best possible care. Obviously not all children need specialist education but it is better to know and deal with it than try to pretend it is not there.

The nursery thing wouldn't bother me though. GS is 3 and cries dramatically every time DS drops him at nursery and is fine the moment he leaves. It is just what he does, probably out of habit now.

lemongrove Mon 25-Sep-17 11:12:40

Good posts Anya and Maddyone
Nobody, including nursery staff, teachers GP will want to talk about problems with autism, but a good GP should refer the child for autism asessment at a hospital.Diagnosis isn't handed out easily or wrongly, but the earlier it is diagnosed the better for the right school to be chosen.

aquafish Mon 25-Sep-17 11:44:43

I was very interested to read this Nanna1, thanks for posting. This sounds exactly like my DGS, only 20mths old but now quite distressed when he sees us or any family members. He covers his eyes and cries bitterly refusing to look at us, awful to watch the poor little chap in so much distress. I posted a few weeks ago on the same subject and got so much help and supoort from Gransnet. Im trying to keep positive for everyone's sake, not least the parents who suspect nothing. He is cared for by a regd nanny who comes to the house and she has noticed his anxiety around others. DGS also has no speech beyond Mamma, but is in a bilingual environment. Hoping all your fears are little ones Nanna1 !

mags1234 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:49:48

If he plays with friends then it isn't so likely that he is on autism spectrum. But perhaps he would benefit from seeing a. Specialist ? I think, as a treachery of people with autism, that another six months of waiting and observation would be my first step, but I'd ask my gp if there is anyone child could see then.