Troubled Grandson

Some kids can't handle being with 2 adults/authority figures at once, so that may be a factor.

Having read the other posts and thought about this some more... I don't see any harm in his parents getting him checked out, so that, yes, if he is on the spectrum, he can begin to get help. But I wouldn't assume that's the case. And, of course, it's up to the parents, not the gran.

I have two GC whom I treat equally (of course) and meet reasonably often. One rushes towards me with a gusto greeting whilst the other is usually totally reticent and withdrawn. I have asked her Mum to stop remonstrating with her about being polite and in due course she is fine with me but only at her own pace and I'm decidedly OK with that. Confess to not understanding it and wishing it wasn't the case but, as many have said here, they're all just little different individuals and I respect that. Just glad to have them, quirky or otherwise.

There are other things to look for
Is he interacting with friends and playing well.... ( sounds like he is from poster info)
Does he speak?
Is he potty trained?
Does he look at books and play with toys either with mum or dad or childminder ?
Does he show interest in things around him ?
The main thing to remember is you only see him once a month you are really a stranger his parents don't seem worried his nursery don't seem worried and his child minder isn't worried and they see him every day
It must feel really disappointing to you after travelling 100 miles to see him I m sure I remember mine getting very clingy around 3 years old

One of my son's used to scream and cry at the sight of a man with a moustache or beard. Was fine when the offender shaved. There could be a simple explanation.

There you go Nanal.....have a shave ???

When my GD was a baby she went through a stage of crying every time I went near her. We put it down to myself and my daughter looking very similar and perhaps that confused her. She just grew out of it after a few months. We don't know what goes on in their heads when they are very young.

Is this just with you or with others as well?

My grand-daughter was just the same - would never speak to us & would hide when we arrived. She's now 5 & is much improved but we still have the 'silent treatment' when we first see her again ?

My late mother in law could be very difficult - that's putting it mildly and although fond of our two DDs and two GDs she didn't relate to them by entertaining them. When she came here one day for a meal GD2 was here, aged probably about 3, no older than that. GD2 was sitting on the floor when m-in-l came in and sat down on a chair. GD2 closed her eyes and sat there with closed eyes so she couldn't see her. We actually thought it was funny. GD2 is absolutely normal.

He only sees you once a month. And also he is with a childminder and goes to nursery. Poor little lad, he is expected to greet you with hugs and kisses. He may be a bit miffed that you are taking away his time with his mother.
Take a little toy rather than sweets and just give him quiet attention on his terms.

Nann1 I think, as others have said, GS' behaviour could be a 'blip.' but painful for you. I see my GA once a month on average and he is 21 months old. He does seem to be a little shy by nature and even though he now remembers his ' NanniO' he needs time to warm up to me each time. This always makes me sad inside, but once he has got through the initial shyness, I feel he quickly becomes affectionate and seems very relaxed and somehow familiar with me very quickly. HOWEVER, he does not like being left with me. He was fine when he was younger, but in recent times he has become quite distressed if I have offered to take him out on my own / if mum or dad go out of sight for any length of time.

I tend to think your GS may just find it difficult to be out of the safety of the home routine with you when you visit.

I have a son who is on the autistic spectrum. The early signs - at toddler -hood were lack of eye contact, walking on tip-toe, being very 'regimented' in play, e.g. particular about lining up toys and being very repetitive in his play patterns, and not coping in any busy social situations. If GS' nursery have not picked anything up and parents are not concerned, it may be just a developmental stage / phase.

Just a thought- do you and your daughter have a great family likeness.
One of my children used to cry every time he saw his uncle (husband's brother) I though it was because he was confused by someone who looked very like his father but wasn't his father. It was a phase and when he got slightly older he was fine.
I would ignore when you visit and let him come to you. I remember as a child hating being made a great fuss of by relations and preferred the ones who just treated you as if they had seen you a few hours ago.