I realise this may sound a bit pathetic

Jennymolly I have just read your post and really do feel for you. I too have a brother and sister who refuse to have any contact with me and they have done so for almost 20 years now. They are both younger than me, my brother is 5.5 years younger and my sister is 13 years younger and I was very protective of them when they were younger as we grew up in a volatile environment and were often physically abused. I had a second brother who was 22 months younger than me and died suddenly some 11 years ago when he was 50. Even the loss of our brother and both of our parents has not lead to any contact from my brother and sister despite my efforts. I kept trying to maintain contact for more than 15 years and realised that it was having a detrimental effect on my health and regrettably decided that I had to stop trying for the sake of my sanity, my health and my own family.

I think that I agree with persistentdonor in that you must try not to agonise too much about the situation. Maybe maintain contact through birthday and Christmas cards? Look after yourself.

I would contact her. My husband contacted long list uni friends and it's been a great success. We all met up and the wives get on really well. We gave gad somelong weekends away as a group of eight, and are all going away together at New Year. Don't pass up the opportunity, it could open doors to new friendships!

I contacted an old school friend through FB , I was a bit nervous about sending a friend request but she answered straight away and sent me a message. We now meet up every few months as we live some distance apart. We have loads of interests in common and it is great to have a lunch and a chat and go to a gallery or exhibition together. Through her I’ve also met up with another old school friend who actually lives quite near me and we regularly meet up for lunch. You can’t have too many friends , so go for it!

I've just done this and contacted a friend from nearly 40 years ago. We lost touch when I committed the cardinal sin of going out with a chap that she'd been seeing and was still keen on. They'd only gone out for a couple of weeks and I did ask if she minded. She said no but of course she minded very much and she didn't want to hang out afterwards. He and I didn't last much longer than she had but the damage was done.
I've recently found her on FB so messaged her and we had an online chat and are meeting for coffee in a couple of weeks. She still lives locally so I really hope we get on as I was so fond of her back then.

One old school friend of mine contacted me after we lost touch for 20 years, and we resumed our friendship and are in regular contact, meet ups etc
Another friend did the same after about 15 years, but meeting with her a couple of times I soon realised that we actually didn’t have much in common anymore to sustain a friendship, so I didn’t pursue it any further.

I agree w judypark. You will both have changed and your history together is just that. But no harm in having a go, just be prepared to be disappointed.

I always kept in touch with my best friend from school anyway even though we live far apart now and hardly meet but would love to be in touch with others from my school. I did put feelers out to some on Friends Reunited but, unfortunately, they never replied.
On the other hand, an old 'friend' whom I used to play with occasionally near by where I lived for a time as a child keeps trying to contact me through various social media. She gushingly writes how desperate she is to rekindle the friendship. She used to bully me so I ignore her requests. She's obviously forgotten her past behaviour!!!

I sat by someone I wrongly thought of as my best friend in junior school. She dropped me like a stone at secondary school (we were in different but equal forms) and her best friend there bullied me for the whole time we were at the school. I guess I just wasn’t her kind of person. She turned up at the same college as me a year after o started. We never spoke.
Meeting her a few times with other friends about ten years ago we chatted quite amiably of this and that! Odd.

I, not o

I had a school friend for ten years until she left to go to finishing school and after a year or so we lost touch. We met again by chance when we were in our late thirties and then exchanged Xmas cards, occasional phone calls and met a few times for lunch. I encouraged her to go to a school reunion but she didn't enjoy it. She complained about some of the other old girls being rude to her.

Last year I didn't hear from her at Xmas so I tried to call her twice but she clearly didn't want to speak and so I emailled her but she hasn't replied. I suspect this may be because she has "come down in the world" after a very priviledged childhood. I always tried to take an interest in her life, but I have to accept this relationship has run its course. I could contact her sister to check she is OK, but she may regard that as an intrusion. I can't decide.

jennymolly I know that your post wasn't really to do with the original post but she has had so much good advice now that she doesn't really need any more, but you need hugs and sympathy.
How dare people decide things for you. If your horrible brother and sister knew that you couldn't afford the holiday...why didn't they perhaps pay for you. You have been so ill as well. I am afraid that your sister sounds a real meany. She has so much and yet she couldn't spare you a bit of the affection she and her twin have?
Unfortunately people within a family can be so different as I know to my own cost.
I really don't know how you can contact your Cruella again without getting another smack in the face. You could leave the door open a crack and just say that you are sorry about the way things turned out( which you are) and say that your door is always open and you love her ( if it's true)
Anyway, here is a imaginary bunch of flowers, a gin and ton, and lots of hugs, as you deserve them. You could always make a doll and stick a few pins in it. Lol

I managed to find my best friend only last week after a 20 year search! She said she was happy to hear from me and sent me her phone numbers...so she must want hear from me! So give it a go...nothing to lose. On the subject of old boyfriends....I met up with some Friends Reunited folks a few years ago and one of the men in the group confessed his love for me from age 13 to 20 years old. I never knew!....the silly thing is I quite fancied him for the same period of time but he never let me know. However, he hadn't worn very well over the years so I think I had a lucky escape!

Through social media mostly (Friends Reunited and Facebook) I have got in touch with old school/uni friends , old boyfriends, and a cousin, who I haven't seen for 43 years. I have no ulterior motive, eg rekindling an old flame, as I'm happily married and have 3 married children and also lovely grandchildren. I also had no expectations of any of the contacts becoming close friends. I have had mixed results, but in particular I am delighted that my cousin is very pleased to have the contact with me, and we are getting on really well, exchanging news about family and hobbies. Meeting up with her would be great one day. Only one former boyfriend has maintained contact, and he is happy to swap news about his family etc. Some of my girlfriends have kept in touch, some are not interested, and that doesn't bother me. I think, overall, getting back in touch has been good for me, helped me to see that "where I am" is fine, and has reinforced my general happiness. So I'd say 'go for it', you have nothing to lose

Be brave and make that contact. The worst that can happen is she won't respond. People are so stubborn when it comes to petty arguments or differences of opinion and maybe you both wish it didn't happen but don't want to look weak by making the first move. Yet making the first move shows such strength of character. And tell her that you can't even remember why you parted ways. Maybe she can't, either. As a practising counsellor, I have seen this scenario so many times and making the first move is worth a shot.

It'll be nice to hear how it goes for you.

Denise.

Go for it gal! I have found old school friends on Facebook and although I have never met any of them in person, it's nice to see how their lives have panned out. None of them have suggested we meet up so they obviously have no desire to see me either! That's fine by me!