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Really need help.

(40 Posts)
Deni1963 Fri 01-Dec-17 22:36:22

My husband left end of September. Over the past months we have seen each other and talked. This has dwindled to practically nothing, he is staying at his parents, but has disappeared for nights. We hard,y talk and his parents don’t respond to any texts I send. I’ve asked him numerous times to move the rest of his possession so ( there is a lot), but he avoids it by saying he is wanting the marriage to work despite actions being the opposite.
Ive had enough. Can I pack his stuff and put it out? The house is mine and he is no longer contributing. Where do I stand?

Nanabilly Fri 01-Dec-17 23:06:52

Go through a solicitor . He or she will send a letter advising him to move his belongings within a certain timeframe (we said one month when our ex sis in law left big furniture with us) and if it's not gone after that date you will dispose of it. It worked for us

Deni1963 Fri 01-Dec-17 23:26:22

Right now money is very tight as he dosent contribute anymore 😓

BlueBelle Sat 02-Dec-17 07:11:49

Go to CAB they will advise you for free of your next move I don’t think you can just put things out without warning or timeframes they may even write the letter for you

NfkDumpling Sat 02-Dec-17 07:14:39

Sounds like he's having a mid-life crisis. Do you want the marriage to work?

mumofmadboys Sat 02-Dec-17 08:06:19

Could you just pack his stuff up and put it in a ? spare bedroom so it's out of sight for now?

jusnoneed Sat 02-Dec-17 08:26:05

I would write a letter giving him a month to clear his stuff or you will dispose of it. Keep a copy and send it recorded delivery, someone will have to sign for it. As long as you keep a record of communications and give him a reasonable time frame he won't be able to complain.

MesMopTop Sat 02-Dec-17 08:37:41

Maybe pack it all up and send on to his parents? Suppose it depends on what he has, mind you. Maybe send them/him a text to let them know that you'll be sending his things on.

Friday Sat 02-Dec-17 08:40:49

Pack everything and put it in spare room. Send him a later by registered post so he has to sign for it telling he has to collect it by a certain date or you will dispose of it to charity.

Friday Sat 02-Dec-17 08:41:44

Recorded delivery. Sorry I’m repeating what others have said.

starbird Sat 02-Dec-17 09:36:49

Definitely get advice. You may find he has a right to a share in the house even if it is 'yours'.

It sounds as though he wants to have his cake and eat it - he wants freedom but can't afford it.

You might find it better not to rush into the divorce if you can manage on your own. He may be given a share of the house then later down the line, meet someone with their own house, leaving him with money to spare and you struggling. Just find out your rights before doing anything.

Coconut Sun 03-Dec-17 10:07:58

Yes, def get rid of it all, do not put your life on hold until he decides what he wants. If he has to think that long and hard about it, there is your answer. Does he have someone else and is hedging his bets to see if that works out ? I would pack all his bits up in boxes now, and ask him to collect it ASAP, give him a firm timescale and if he does not collect, take a car load round to his parents and let it be their problem. Leave it on the drive if needs be. Of course notify them that you have given adequate time for him to react to the situation. Don’t let him control the situation, you control it as you are paying the bills and it’s now all about your life, not his.

radicalnan Sun 03-Dec-17 10:16:13

Send it round to his parent's house and move on.

You need advice about your own situation, check your house insurance to see if you have free cover.

Rosina Sun 03-Dec-17 10:21:35

Most definitely take advice from the CAB about this - dealing with other people's possessions is an absolute minefield and an elderly man of my acquaintance ended up in court after a vindictive person for whom he had stored goods tried to claim for damage and all sorts of other nonsense. It was thrown out but the elderly man had a really stressful time; this is highly unlikely to be your situation hopefully but it can happen and there is a procedure of notification that you would do well to follow to avoid any difficulty for you.

MissAdventure Sun 03-Dec-17 10:24:43

I would pack it up, and email him with a choice of dates, and a clear explanation that it will be disposed of if it is not collected at a mutually acceptable time.

GrannyAnnie2010 Sun 03-Dec-17 10:51:00

Pack everything up and drop it off at his parents'. Don't get into any dialogue. The worst that can happen is that he has a legal right to move back - in which case he'll have to organise that himself, and you can establish some ground rules. Solicitors cost money. Let him pay a solicitor to write to you to let him back in. Use your money to move him out.

GoldenAge Sun 03-Dec-17 11:03:49

Denil963 - you don't say how old you/hubby are but I guess from the fact that he has returned to parents, you are not in your 60s and you have a good life left yourself. You also don't say whether you want the marriage to work, although he says he does. The first thing is to decide what you want - if you want a divorce then take steps to end the relationship formally. The CAB will help in writing the letter, and all you have to do is to inform him that he needs to remove his belongings from your premises within the period you decide, although you have to give him 14 days notice. I would ensure that you send the letter by registered post so you have evidence that he has received it should you ever need that in the future. I don't know how long you have been married, whether he is work, but he may have a claim on the house even though it is yours (unless you had a pre-nup). Money may be tight but usually you can get a one-hour's consultation with a divorce solicitor for free and this would be better than the CAB because you could explore any such implications. Good luck.

Fennel Sun 03-Dec-17 11:25:18

GoldenAge wrote:
"The first thing is to decide what you want ".
That's what I was going to say - don't do anything hasty, that you might regret later.
Although you do say "I've had enough".
Do you have any good friends who know you both? If so I would talk it over with them.
It's a big decision you have to make.

sarahellenwhitney Sun 03-Dec-17 11:41:13

Denil 963
Citizens Advice is free Make an appointment, at once.
In the mean time pack ALL his possessions and store them in your property until you have obtained professional advice.If he wants to collect then let him do so. Make sure you have someone with you for when and if he decides to come round.

Rocknroll5me Sun 03-Dec-17 11:56:42

tell him a date when it will be put out. and mean it. At least he will do something. Its bootstrap time. Its an emotional effort as well as a physical one for him, people will get away with what they can get away with. It is not fair on you and cowardly of him. Show him you are made of sterner stuff.

jenpax Sun 03-Dec-17 12:17:44

You will find that your husband will have basic occupiers rights as a minimum so reasonable notice would have to be given HOWEVER he may also have a beneficial interest in the house if for example he contributed to building work or mortgage in the past and he may apply for a charge on the house to reflect this. Also he could possibly apply for an occupation order if you locked him out,so do get legal advice many solicitors will offer a free half hour appointment for family law

NameChange2016 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:23:33

A sibling of mine has the same issue except their soon to be ex spouse is in prison. Their soon to be ex in laws live abroad.

Any suggestions?

I have said put the stuff in storage and get the in laws to pay.

grandtanteJE65 Sun 03-Dec-17 13:28:12

Get legal advice - if you can't afford a solicitor then go through CAB. It depends where you are in the world whether you can legally dispose of another person's goods and chattels even after giving warning in writing, or not.

You may be entitled to do as some of the others suggest, but I suspect it depends on whether you are in England, Scotland or N. Ireland, if you even are in the UK.

Here in Denmark, it would definitely be illegal to throw something out that belonged to either a spouse who had moved out, or a lodger irrespective of how many times you had asked them to come and collect their things.

Luckygirl Sun 03-Dec-17 13:35:19

Do you have a garage you can bung it all in while you go through all the excellent advice above?

tigger Sun 03-Dec-17 13:47:09

A friend in a similar position, packed up his stuff, hired a van and driver to deliver to his new address.