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Really need help.

(41 Posts)
Deni1963 Fri 01-Dec-17 22:36:22

My husband left end of September. Over the past months we have seen each other and talked. This has dwindled to practically nothing, he is staying at his parents, but has disappeared for nights. We hard,y talk and his parents don’t respond to any texts I send. I’ve asked him numerous times to move the rest of his possession so ( there is a lot), but he avoids it by saying he is wanting the marriage to work despite actions being the opposite.
Ive had enough. Can I pack his stuff and put it out? The house is mine and he is no longer contributing. Where do I stand?

foxie Sun 03-Dec-17 14:52:24

You have answered your own question. Now is the time for an ultimatum. Tell him that unless he moves all his stuff out within the next 14 day then you will arrange for it to be collected and taken to the tip. He has no interests in the property which is in your name and is just using it as a convenience.

TellNo1Ok Sun 03-Dec-17 15:08:43

Phone Citizens Advice immediately and book an appointment with one of their specialists ....

That's who you need to talk to for free professional advice ... and us for support of course...

margrete Sun 03-Dec-17 15:58:45

Citizens Advice are not professional. They are - mainly - volunteers! I used to volunteer for them, and this was one of the misconceptions that came up very often.

You may get very helpful advice from them, from the website they refer to, but for professional advice go to a professional. A family solicitor.

Synonymous Sun 03-Dec-17 16:50:58

Do get professional advice from a lawyer, the first appointment is generally a freebie. Be very careful as it could come back to bite you with huge financial implications if you get it wrong.

Deni1963 Sun 03-Dec-17 17:12:26

We've been married 6 years together 11. I'm 54 and be is 52.
I don't have a spare room. Our converted shed was used as his office. I don't have the key although I can get a locksmith. I think there must be someone else as he has been missing all weekend from his parents and ignoring my messages.
I have via text told him he needs to move his belongings by the 9th. And that was 2 weeks notice. Shall I put the stuff in the shed?

1974cookie Sun 03-Dec-17 17:52:49

Definitely get some legal advice. He says that he wants the marriage to work, but from what you say, he is not making much, or indeed any effort which I find odd. Is he hoping to keep his options open in case his own do not work out, and then he has somewhere to live ?
You say that you have had enough, the house is yours, so bite the bullet and get his departure finalised so that you can live your own life in peace. In fact, make this your New Year resolution and stick with it Denil. 🌈🌈

meandashy Sun 03-Dec-17 20:22:12

So he left you and you did not ask him to leave? I think that maybe be an important factor when you see a lawyer. Try and make an appointment as soon as you can.
I would be wary of storing his stuff anywhere it may get damaged/damp/stolen as that could bite you on the bum!
It must be awful if you just want him out once and for all & he's playing silly beggars.
If he is coming to the house again ask a friend or family member to be around for that. Good luck 💐

Barmeyoldbat Mon 04-Dec-17 02:35:58

Force open the shed door, chuck all his stuff in there, put a padlock on it and wait. Has he a key to house? If so get the locks changed. Also have you informed the Council that only one person is living at your address so you can apply for a reduction in Council Tax.

Deni1963 Mon 04-Dec-17 10:32:25

I have my daughter, partner and 18 month grand daughter here ( that's his main issue) saving for a deposit on a house. I can put his stuff in the shed - locksmith will charge £50 to change lock.
He left in September really? I went to Portugal with his mum to clear sold house there, and he stayed with his dad. He moved his office and didn't move back. He doesn't want the kids here any longer but he has also been missing for days and doesn't get in touch. Then he says he wants the marriage.

Franbern Mon 04-Dec-17 10:36:22

As adviced by Barmeyoldbat - do get the house locks changed. One of my daughters came home from holiday a few years back to discover her ex-partner had entered her house (he had never had anything to do with this property), and removed all sorts of articles which he tried to claim were his. As he had used the front door key it was not in any way breaking and entering.
Although many CAB advisers are volunteers, they all receive quite extensive training and do have qualified solicitors on hand with whom they consult if they are unsure. No need to be at all concerned about using them.

Starlady Tue 05-Dec-17 00:52:03

"I have my daughter, partner and 18 month grand daughter here ( that's his main issue) saving for a deposit on a house."

Ok, so maybe that's why he's not moving his things out so fast, he's thinking he'll come back when they're gone. I'm sure they're lovely, and you have every right to have them there since it's your house. But that doesn't change the fact that he's not happy about it.

Do they not get along with him or does he just feel crowded?

I'm suspicious of his not being at his parents a lot though, and I'm sure you are, too. I know it looks like he's seeing somebody. But maybe he just doesn't enjoy spending every night with them, being a grown man and all.

I would pack his things up to get them out of the way. But I wouldn't deliver them to his parents so fast. First think, do you want to try to rekindle things when your dd and family move out? Then maybe you need to hang onto his things for a while. If not, then this is about a lot more than your dd and family staying there.

If the main issue is your family, is there a deadline for them to move out? That might ease the situation, imo.

Starlady Tue 05-Dec-17 00:54:27

If I really didn't want him there anymore, I would go ahead and bring his stuff to his parents. But those who say seek legal advice are probably right. Maybe even just go for one free visit to get the lay of the land.

Envious Tue 05-Dec-17 02:20:07

Are you physically able to deal with packing up and moving his things? I know you don’t want to be seeing his things but I wouldn’t put myself out and possibly ache for days after. angry

Grandma2213 Tue 05-Dec-17 03:22:12

Denil963 my sympathies are with you. You have a lot of thinking to do. As others have said, get proper legal advice which is often free at the beginning when you can get basic advice. I let my own situation run on for years and now regret it as my ex got more than I would have expected possible or moral when we finally divorced.

BlueBelle Tue 05-Dec-17 06:06:48

I don’t think you can just dump your husbands goods as attractive as it sounds I m also not sure about breaking his locks even if it’s your house the fact he’s lived with you there for six years gives him rights My house was mine as I inherited it and we had only been married and lived in it a year although been living together elsewhere for six but when he had an affair and left me the solicitor told me he was entitled to half the house I managed to find a lesser way of parting in the end but it’s not as straightforward as it seems
If you live in a small house with daughter and family there too could he have a reason for leaving ? Just wondering?

Fernbern you can’t legally lock a husband or wife out so you can’t just change the locks I m pretty sure