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More toileting (sorry)

(30 Posts)
Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 17:57:18

Toileting seems to be a theme this week!

I know that many of the gransnetters have worked or had involvement with little ones and wonder if anyone has any advice.

My grandson was 3 in September, he has been toilet trained since April and everything went quite well for the first 5 months. In September he started pre school and he has since gone backwards, piddling at least once a day. This is occasionally happening outside of school as well now.

Obviously school is new for him and I know he's not the only one but we aren't really sure how to deal with it. Someone suggested putting him back in nappies for a while and then starting again but that doesn't seem right to me. When he is wet, should his mum tell him off or should she just not say anything to him.

We were at the doctors last week and mentioned it just in case he had a urine infection - he doesn't.

He is the most adorable little man but my daughter is worried the other children will make comments about him. Is is quite upsetting her.

Any advice would be most grateful

J52 Thu 14-Dec-17 18:43:04

Sorry to hear he’s having difficulties. I think it’s probably quite common.

Rather than nappies, how about trainer pants until he settles?

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 18:52:15

Thank you J52, We did think about trainer pants but someone said that it has the same effect as a nappy, if he piddles he won't ever feel wet if he's wearing them.
He does get very engrossed in what he's doing then he only realises at the last minute that he needs to go. Its just how do you deal with it

Luckygirl Thu 14-Dec-17 18:57:03

Please don't tell him off!!!

trisher Thu 14-Dec-17 19:03:05

Grannyben please don't tell him off about it, it may make things worse. Have you asked his pre-school about it? Is he being taken to the toilet regularly? Is there anything he doesn't like about the toilets so he won't go? Sometimes children just need to be reminded when they are occupied with play. I would have a long chat with his key worker and ask that she spend a few days taking him regularly. Once a day is upsetting but it isn't a great problem really is it.? Just a matter of making sure he has changes of clothes. I'm sure it will settle down once he is really settled.

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 19:11:12

Thank you Luckygirl and Trisher, my daughter has spoken to the preschool and to be fair they do try but he often just says he doesn't want to go and then he wets himself a short while later. I had him to sleep the other night and we took his pull up off when he got up at 7. It was lunchtime before he finally went and then it was a mad dash.
I think my daughter is just so frustrated. She has spoken to him in a lovely manner, she has told him off but I think she might be better to ignore it completely. I think its just come to a head today because it was his nativity and he had piddled before it started and they had put him in as pair of wellies.

trisher Thu 14-Dec-17 19:36:34

They need to get their act together Grannyben children who are playing often say they don't need to go. A good nursery worker will remember when the child last went and know if they really do need to go. It does sometimes require a good deal of negotiation and some reassurance that whatever they are doing will remain safe until they return. It can be difficult and requires a brisk no-nonsense attitude that doesn't make a huge thing of it. So sorry about his nativity. If it had been me I would have let him do it in bare feet rather than wellies-more authentic you know. Try not to worry too much I'm sure it's just a passing phase.

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 19:53:06

Thank you so much Trisher, I could see my daughter was upset when she saw him sat there in the wellies and his little face was beaming all carefree. He is going to he starting in the proper school nursery after Christmas and I know that the teacher is very experienced so hopefully we can get on top of it

MissAdventure Thu 14-Dec-17 20:26:29

I think perhaps at home, his mum could take away his choice, in a nice but firm way. "Right, you go and do a wee, then we'll do whatever.."

Jalima1108 Thu 14-Dec-17 20:27:03

I agree with trisher that they need to get their act together. This is not at all unusual and the nursery staff should be aware and also should have a good supply of spare clothes (he should have some in his bag anyway).
Most of the children (Reception, Y1, Y2, Y3) had bare feet for the nativity I went to this week, there were one or two pairs of sandals but very few.
Wellies in Bethlehem? hmm

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 20:42:51

Thank you MissAdventure and Jalima. My daughter has tried the "right, off to the toilet" but he can seem to become quite distraught if he doesn't want to go. He does take a bag every day, full of clean clothes and a spare pair of shoes but no, they saw fit to put him in dinosaur wellies. I think that was what upset her

MissAdventure Thu 14-Dec-17 20:48:15

I suppose the most obvious advice would be not to make an issue out of it as that will probably make it worse. I'm sure I read somewhere that its quite normal up to about six years old to be unreliable with regard to wetting.

BBbevan Thu 14-Dec-17 20:54:13

Just quietly change his pants. No big issue. It is probably related in part to going to school. Don 't worry he will be fine.

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 20:57:00

Thank you so much. I was thinking it would be best just to change him and say nothing. He is such as beautiful little boy

Jalima1108 Thu 14-Dec-17 21:11:17

He didn't seem to be embarrassed though, thank goodness, as he was beaming all over his face wearing his wellies in Bethlehem.
He could start a new trend smile

It may take a while for him to recognise the signals. One of our DGC would always say 'I don't need to go' if we passed a toilet then need to go about 10 minutes later.

Jalima1108 Thu 14-Dec-17 21:13:53

~As MissAdventure says, don't ask.
Just take him to the toilet as a matter of routine, 'wee wee time' or whatever you say; it is still early days of the message getting through.

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 21:21:04

I think he thought he was special sitting in his wellies, he kept waving his legs to his mummy, I think she was slightly horrified.
I think it could be quite helpful that he breaks up next week, we can all stick to a good routine

Nanabilly Thu 14-Dec-17 22:12:02

Best to just ignore it , his little world has been turned upside down with changes and about to have more after Christmas so expect it to last longer .Then when hes been in his new routine a few weeks gently bring in some reminders about him being dry or make a reward chart for dry days. He will soon be back to normal just don't rush it or make a big thing of it

Grannyben Thu 14-Dec-17 22:26:05

Thank you Nanabilly, my poor daughter thought she had been doing something wrong. I have actually just been talking to her about a reward chart for dry days, it might be worth a go

Peep Thu 14-Dec-17 22:54:36

My son was like this until he was 7, always too interested in what he was doing to think of the toilet. I thought he would never be dry.

ElaineI Fri 15-Dec-17 00:45:32

Your poor daughter feeling like that - if he had a change of clothes then pre-school should have used them. Probably no-one but your daughter noticed the wellies anyway. He is only 3 so completely normal! My DGS is 4 and has had a few accidents at nursery over the last year because of saying he doesn't need and then being a rush but is getting better at the signals. DD is trying to teach him when he starts dancing about and fiddling that he needs to go but it is a long learning process as his activities are much more interesting. He still wears pull ups at night but was so excited to tell me that the other night he went to the toilet in the night without getting mummy and in the morning his pull up was dry! They have been fairly laid back as baby sister arrived in February and DD was kept in with sepsis so he has had a lot to deal with. If it was a lot more than once a day then back to nappies or pull ups would take the pressure off but it sounds like he is doing fine though DD might like to have a quiet word with pre school.

Bridgeit Fri 15-Dec-17 10:02:52

As someone else suggests trainerpants are a good idea , no never' tell him off' that will just make him feel terrible. Positive reinforcement may help, such as praise & treats when he gets it right & a cuddle for when he doesn't & encouragement, perhaps he is not confident in letting the adults in pre school that he needs to go .


Cold Fri 15-Dec-17 12:38:13

I think this is a common issue that children get very engrossed or regress a bit when in a new situation. DD2 had a terrible problem when she was 3½ and her nursery had a lot of staff changes on term - "her" nursery teacher had to have shoulder surgery and another had a baby and there so many new faces. One day in winter she wet herself playing outside and was too shy to tell anyone and it was not obvious in her snow suit. Unfortunately it was minus 20C and it froze - she came home with terrible blistering.

Can you put "real pants" on with trainer pants on top? Then the child still feels wet but there is not a lot of mess.

spyder08 Fri 15-Dec-17 16:28:55

Don't think it anything to worry about Grannyben. Same thing happened with my grandson when he started nursery.
Lasted a short while then back to going to the toilet. Never has an accident now. Just change of routine I think.
Didn't use nappies/pull-ups just changed his wet pants/clothes. Certainly didn't tell him off.
I am sure he will be fine.
Incidentally grand-daughter never had an accident when she started nursery? A boy thing? Maybe?

mumofmadboys Fri 15-Dec-17 17:58:11

I would suggest your DD praises him for dry times. So at lunch time say well done , your pants are dry. That's great/ grown up. Repeat at tea time and bedtime if dry. If wet change with little comment. Good luck