Asperger's Grandson!

Oh dear, this is so difficult, isn't it? I used to be the manager of a residential home, for young adults and one young man had the same two symptoms. It's the unpredictability which throws the spanner in the works. There are residential homes for children with autism, where the trained staff are used to handling the needs of their residents. Residential care for young adults is nothing like for the older generations, as these young adults go to college and have regular outings, so it's a good life and the only drawback is the parent's / parents' feelings of guilt. But the quality of life is good and finding such a place for the young child will make sure that the other children lead 'normal' lives. The worst of all situations would be to look back on the effects that siblings living with one who has autism and tourette's has on their 'could have been better' lives.

Head for social services. Speak to the GP. No-one should question the mother's parenting skills. She should be praised for getting her act together and viewing the whole picture.

What's wrong with having her parenting skills questioned? Someone might come up with a good idea she could try. I had (still have, really, except he's grown up and moved away now) a problem son and I went all over the place looking for help for him - he had weekly sessions at the Child Guidance clinic for a while, until it became apparent he wouldn't cooperate with the therapist, and if anyone had offered me some training that might have helped me deal with him better I would have jumped at it. I even used to ask, but no one had anything to offer me. At one point I even called the NSPCC advice line to see if they thought I was doing anything wrong. If they give her parenting advice it's not a smear on her character, it's just an attempt to help.

please use your GP. Our DGS has a chromozone problem. We asked if he could be refered to paedotrician who confirmed he has fragilex syndrome. Once the diagnosis was confirme doors opened! He went to the wonderful special needs school in bocking (braintree) and progressed into the most wonerful young man he is now. He is 29yrs. old and works part time in a garden centre.I do feel for you, it's so upsetting but with the right help I'm sure things will get better. xxx

sorry meant wonderful!!

HildajenniJ

I saw a couple of very interesting programmes recently, on BBC 1 (might still be on iPlayer) where groups of people with various abilities and disabilities, were helped into work after years of unsuccessful applications.
I have the utmost sympathy with your family predicament but that isn't heloful so what I strongly suggest is, like others on here have said, that your DD sees her GP at the EARLIEST opportunity. As your GS gets older and stronger, whi knows what damage he might do to himself and others. He is already stretching your DD's patience to the limit and it's affecting other family members too. Intervention NOW will certainly save a whole lot of heartache later. She MUST do this now for everyone's safety and sanity, not least that of her son. I send my best wishes and hope to read here, of positive steps being taken on his and her behalf.
Please tell her to be completely open to her GP about his behaviour and the effects on the wider family. She must insist on help asap. Take care.

It is understandable that your daughter is feeling unable to cope. I can only admire what she is trying to do.
But she needs the support of a sympathetic GP and she needs help from the education authority and probably from Social Services.
The education authority has a duty to provide suitable schooling for her son. She might have to fight for this help unfortunately.
Social Services should be supportive too. There are SS schemes to help with respite care and with group activities for children with SEN.
I do hope your daughter manages to get help - the first step is admitting she needs outside help.

There is such good advice here and I can’t add anything from personal experience. But it seems that the overall feeling is that professional advice is urgently needed and that the other children need to be in mainstream school. My heart goes out to all of you and I hope so much that things get sorted out.

I have not walked in your shoes so I am reluctant to give advice. Your daughter must be in terrible distress. She needs help from her GP. Why is she reluctant to do that? I also think the other children would be better off in school. They must be suffering from being with their brother 24 hours a day. I'm so sorry your family are in this situation.

There should be a local Tourettes Society and they can be very helpful and give advice.

My friend's grandson is the same. He is 12 and gets bullied at school. There are no resources in his particular postcode to deal with him. He has recently been denied DLA as part of the Government cuts. His mother took him to a Harley Street Phychiatrist (she could not really afford it) in a desperate measure to confirm her suspicions that he was getting worse. The news was devastating in that he has not only got ADHT, but also a phycotic condition. He has medication but it only works for a period of time. A few weeks ago, he got hold of some chocolate and coca cola and devoured it all in one go....hence he had a serious meltdown! My friend and her daughter are also at their wits end...with nowhere to go! My friends daughter has washed her hands of the system and "pretends" there is nothing wrong with him...and deals with every incident at the time. The husband completely ignores the situation and goes off on football holidays with his friends, leaving the mother to deal with it!! What a life! I'm sorry I can't offer anything positive, but know how you feel.

Getting a CAMHS appt is like spotting a dragon..... very rare!
The waiting list is astronomical. It's a shame your dd felt the need to remove dgc from school all together as Child Planning Meetings are invaluable places to access support I've found.
Definitely speak to the GP. They may recommend some assistance from SS but probably not unless your daughter asks for a referral.
Good luck ?

I have worked for years with this type of problem. I can assure the OP that parenting skills won't be questioned. In fact that she has asked for help will be looked on favourably. There is help out there such as respite care for GS1. Please contact GP and Social Services. The situation seems at breaking point.

My daughter has 2 Aspies,one with ADHD also-the older one is 17 and the younger one is 9.She had to take them out of the education system after many problems and home schools them.
I agree with the advice given-she needs to go through the GP/Social Services for assessments and referrals.There may be local help groups-my daughter has found quite a few by internet searching and word of mouth.Local Home Ed groups are wonderful,there are many meet-ups for educational and social needs.None of the other parents will bat an eyelid at any child's behaviour.I have been to a donkey sanctuary and also ice skating with these groups and the children are more relaxed around others with similar problems.The parents have "seen it all before" and are a great support to one another.I think this would help your daughter as her husband is away so much.
The National Autistic Society can offer help and I also recommend a site called Benefits and Work,which has excellent guides for filling in forms to apply for DLA,PIP,etc.
Your daughter has said she "can't do this anymore" so please encourage her to seek help-she will feel much stronger with some support.

It sounds like both your daughter and the children are under a lot of stress in their current situation. She has obviously tried to do her best for them all. However, I agree with some of the advice given above that your grandson should be properly assessed by professionals so that he gets the support he needs urgently. From your description it sounds like he is becoming increasingly frustrated with the current situation and he needs to have special support from professionals. Engaging an educational psychologist to assess his needs can only be done through a school if he is on their register.
Finding a good school for him and the other children would seem to be a sensible solution to alleviate everyone’s stress and to provide all of the children with a good education and the support needed.
Your grandson with particular special needs should be assessed by an education psychologist so he can receive special support. The local education authority should be able to help you once he is registered in the school system. Please seek professional advice urgently as the children’s educational needs are paramount. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

You could have been posting about my GS, the only difference being that he has been diagnosed with ADHD, not Aspergers or Tourette’s. it was a long, hard fight to get an appointment with CAMHS because of their budget cuts but it was worth it to get the support and I urge you to encourage your daughter to ask for an appointment.

I have only just read this Hilda and I am so sorry for you and your D and sad for your GS.
I did not realise they had moved to be near you as I remember you nipping off to Glasgow often.
I can offer no help just understanding.
Please take on board all the good advice given on here and get your D to shout and nag until she gets some much needed help.

DD is feeling much better this morning. I still have DGS3 with me. He came for a sleepover on Saturday and stayed an extra night! I feel I must explain the family. DGD is 11 and is in the process of diagnosis, we have long suspected that she has AS. GS1 as explained in OP is 9, GS2 age 7 has classic high functioning autism and a speech delay. GS3 age 5 has ADHD and a speech delay. All very different children, yet all loving and charming in their own ways. None of them coped well in school, GS1, the only one with a diagnosis when they were in school, got 2 hours a week help. When they moved back to England DGD was given the opportunity to go to school. She refused saying she was learning more at home and quite honestly was happier away from the bullying mean girls. She wants to be a hairdresser when she's older. All is well this morning. Hopefully it it the stress and uncertainty about Christmas which is affecting GS1. Well just take each day as it comes.
Thank you so once again.

The GP will refer to a paediatric consultant and her team can do the assessment and give a diagnosis. But you seem to have a diagnosis so has this already been done? You can get professional help filling in forms.

Your daughter seems to be fighting the system, which I can understand but it might be helpful to try to meet them part of the way as they can help. If she wants to home school her other children she may need to get help with this son or vice versa. Difficult to cope with everything especially on her own.

Goodness me, Hilda, your DD has a lot on her hands, all credit to her for coping with this situation, I do hope she will seek help from GP and SS as other posters have said.

Unfortunately I cannot offer you any guidance but I would like you to know that I feel for you and your family and trust that others will be able to give you the information you need.

There are support groups via the internet.

Perhaps not all the children at home all day is not a good idea, as siblings probably need time away from him too.

Music therapy is also said to be very helpful for many people with Tourette's. It does seem to be a condition that has become much better recognised and where there have been considerable advances in techniques to minimise the effects so hopefully she will be referred to the right specialist who can try different things. It must be a very difficult thing to deal with.
Hopefully the fact that she rang you to say that she couldn't cope will be a watershed in seeking help from the authorities.
I hope the right path is found. Life's difficulties seem very unfairly distributed sometimes.

There are so many helpful comments on here, that I doubt I have anything to add. My DGS has Aspergers, and although his behaviour has been challenging, he (and his parents) don't have half the problems your family are facing. However they went through the GP, who was so completely un-judgemental and who referred them. The referral for assessment did take a long time, but the difference in my DD's mood did rise enormously, knowing that there was help available.

Please reassure your daughter that there is no stigma attached to asking for help. A special school would, I think, be the best option for your GS.

I wish your family all the best during such a difficult time.

Did the child develop aspergers after vaccination? Then a heavy metal detox may help. Also maybe rethink the diet, best if the whole family joins in, avoiding GMO's, monosogdium glutamate, sugar and artificial sweeteners, wheat and dairy. This may help ease things enough to avoid medications, which can have nasty side effects. Extra Vitamin D3, magnesium and vitamin C help.
draxe.com/tourette-syndrome/
draxe.com/aspergers-symptoms/
Also try joining a support group. I so not know any but start off with this group on facebook ... www.facebook.com/Life.with.Aspergers
And another one www.facebook.com/AspergerSyndromeuk/?ref=py_c

Oh pet you are having a terrible time at the moment! So hope the new year brings you some ease and peace x