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Have you ever seriously considered suicide?

(112 Posts)

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Nanny23 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:32:01

I know this is a very serious subject fraught with minefields, but would be interested to know if you have ever thought of taking your own life, and what stopped you? I have had an awful year and have often wished I wasn't here, but have a wonderful husband who understands our family issues and keeps me going. Has anyone else got any experiences they would like to share and why they still carry on? Is it fear of death is worse than fear of keep on living, or something more?

JudyJudy12 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:38:32

Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, anybody that has lost someone will know the devastation of losing a loved one, you would not want that for your worst enemy.

People that die this way must be beyond thinking of anyone but themselves.

notanan2 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:42:54

No. Never. Honestly.

I've been told that I am lying about the above and apparently everyone has.....but honestly no never...

Unless I was faced with certain unending torture as the only alternative to death, I find that animalistic survival instinct prevails.

So far anyway. I am aware that mental health can change.

notanan2 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:44:13

Its not normal to have suicidal thoughts, even if you had a shut year. Even if you haven't acted on them.

Get help
(Not from the internet)

silverlining48 Sun 30-Sep-18 19:55:03

Judy yours was not the most sensitive post. Selfishness? It is a terrible thing but anyone who does this is generally desperate and may even think they are nothing but a burden to their families. A little more compassion perhaps?

Judthepud2 Sun 30-Sep-18 20:06:29

Not seriously, but having once been a Samaritan, I have spoken to many who have.

I am so sorry you have been feeling like this. It sounds as if you are in a very dark place at the moment and you feel this is the only way out. Thank goodness for an understanding husband. I would suggest you keep talking about your feelings, perhaps to those not personally involved. The Samaritans or other voluntary support organisation is one option. Or if you can afford it and have the energy for it (and you may not) some form of counselling. If you think you really can't cope, you may need antidepressants to help you through so it might be an idea to see your Gap if you have an understanding one.

What stops people? Acknowledging how they are feeling. Recognising you aren't a bad person because of your thoughts. Focusing on something, anything, that could stop you from taking the final step. Remembering that things can change, but if you are dead all options are closed. All difficult to do when things seem black.

Please do not listen to the 'selfish' replies. That will probably make you feel even worse.

I hope some others that have felt like this will post here to support you. Meanwhile, a virtual hug from me.

Judthepud2 Sun 30-Sep-18 20:07:19


Lyndylou Sun 30-Sep-18 20:09:36

The closest I came was sitting alone on a beach wishing I had the courage to walk into the sea. I'm not going into the back story too much, it involved my divorce, money worries and a family trauma all happening together. I felt totally alone, and I seriously thought everyone would be better off without me. It was, however, the lowest point and I am so glad now, that I pulled back from the brink.

One thing though for me it wasn't about wanting to die, it was about no longer wanting to live the life I was living. And I know the simple answer, is well change your life, but sometimes it just seems too big a hurdle.

paddyann Sun 30-Sep-18 20:13:08

I was at a place where I used to think of ways to end my life that would look like an accident so my family wouldn't blame themselves .Like you I had several really awful years with disasters and tragedies ,I went to the funerals of 17 members of family and friends in 11 months .I was literally at rock bottom.Scared to open my eyes in the morning to face what would inevitably be another bad day .
Thankfully the thoughts remained in my head and I never took action .I didn't ask for help or even tell anyone how I felt but came to the conclusion that the world would certainly not be a better place for my kids and OH without me and I visited my GP and managed with my doctors help and some pills to claw my way back to normality.It took time .Please speak to your doctor dont deal with this on your own.

paddyann Sun 30-Sep-18 20:16:12

My GP said suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem..My best wishes t you for a solution to your problems and a happier life

Anniebach Sun 30-Sep-18 20:19:12

I did last November. My darling daughter took her life, she had been ill for ten years, no way was she thinking of herself. I didn’t want to be without her. I had no one to turn to. I reached out here, grans got me through the funeral and the inquest, I was cushioned with such care, such love.

All I can say is reach out please.

ginny Sun 30-Sep-18 20:27:09

No ,I never have luckily.
Judy, I think you need to educate yourself on mental illness. You have obviously very little idea of what some people go through.

MissAdventure Sun 30-Sep-18 20:39:01

I haven't considered killing myself, but have thought I have had enough of life a couple of times.
I think if I could have gone to sleep and not woken up, it may have been a temptation.

NfkDumpling Sun 30-Sep-18 20:59:53

I’ve never not wanted to be alive and consider myself fortunate. Post natal depression pushed me down a long way, but not that low. Without a loving family to recognise it I wouldn’t have had the help I needed and things may have been very different.

I’m so very glad you’re doing ok now Annie flowers

Madgran77 Sun 30-Sep-18 21:00:18

*Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness, anybody that has lost someone will know the devastation of losing a loved one, you would not want that for your worst enemy.

People that die this way must be beyond thinking of anyone but themselves.*

Judy that is an astoundingly insensitive reply to the OP ....and unfortunately the first one that she will read!! I am genuinely shocked! shock

FlexibleFriend Sun 30-Sep-18 21:32:45

I have seriously never given suicide a thought.

Anniebach Sun 30-Sep-18 21:40:20

Nanny23. Please reach out, please x

M0nica Sun 30-Sep-18 21:59:54

I have never given suicide a serious thought, but the thought of it has gone through my mind on a couple of occasions, when I was deeply unhappy, but never more than a thought.

judy, when someone reaches the point of committing suicide, they are way beyond thinking of themselves, most are thinking only of those they love and all the harm and misery they believe their continued living is doing to them, they are suffering such extreme mental anguish that death seems to be the best way to bring peace to themselves and their families. Difficult for anyone in good mental health to comprehend but utterly rational to someone seriously mentally ill.

I had an uncle who first took an overdose of his medication for anxiety, which was not a drug suitable for that purpose so he just had a few daays feeling dopey and then tried to die by self neglect, not eating or caring for himself. Thankfully that is a slow and ineffective way of killing yourself and we were able to intervene and save him from himself.

Nanny23, ring the Samaritans if things get bad, you can talk anonymously, for as long as you like, and know it will go no further.

stree Sun 30-Sep-18 22:03:29

I agree Silverlining, the last thing anyone at the end of their resources needs is to be told they are just self centred.....Not the best mediation or negotiation tool. Even as a poor shock tactic. Smacks to me of religious intolerance.

gillybob Sun 30-Sep-18 22:12:07

Someone I love very much is feeling like this right know. It’s just too much to bear.

Marelli Sun 30-Sep-18 22:25:17

Gillybob, ?.... Xx

stree Sun 30-Sep-18 22:26:32

Becuse of my condition, state of health, call it what you will, apart from tablets, capsules, inhaler and such, I have a bottle of liquid morphine, for self administration...........I get enough for a month at a time.enough to drop a horse..........and my current state means that I do get rather, lets say, fed up.
I have looked at that bottle knowing that if drunk in one, well that would be it. and being selfish, the relief appeals.....but only fleetingly.... The cost is too high... I know there is a tomorrow, and my not being around would cause pain and confusion, worst of all self doubt and self questioning by those closest who would take my actions as a fault of their own..........and I cannot bear to contemplate the anguish of children and grandchildren.
Then again, this is only a mental exercise for me, in my lowest moments. Brought about by feeling ( and actually being to a great extent) useless, and needing help and care all the time.....This does not sit easily with me after being independent, self sufficient, a provider.
Now this is not an unusual position, many life stories are same and or similar, although everyones life story has its owns turns and nuances, we are all in essence the same. We need, we hope, we fear, we care, we have our strengths and limits.but it is not for any of us to judge another and condemn them for selfishness should the darkest corner of their life be reached.
But how to convince others to pour that bottle down the sink may not be so easy, we all suffer differently.

MissAdventure Sun 30-Sep-18 22:28:42

Perfectly put.

NatashaGransnet (GNHQ) Sun 30-Sep-18 22:31:31

Hello Nanny23, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but on these threads we usually add a link to Mumsnet's Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other gransnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other GNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone.


Luckygirl Sun 30-Sep-18 22:33:05

When I was suffering from a serious depression, I felt so very ILL - I did not feel sad, or anxious,or frightened - I just felt overwhelmingly ILL to the point where life was unbearable. I pleaded with my OH to let me go as the suffering was indescribable. I have never felt anything like it before or since - it came from nowhere - and my abiding fear is that it might return. I did not wnat to take my life - but I did not want life to endure in the terrible state I was in.

It was thought to have been precipitated by before surgery suddenly stopping a minute dose of anti-depressant that I was taking to prevent migraine - stopping it abruptly had the most disastrous effect. I really would not wish it on anyone.