Frequency of visits

I have always had a lot of contact with my GCs from birth, usually every day! It got to ythe point where I had no life of my own and never did anything without checking with my daughter first. To be fair, each pregnancy was difficult and there were other factors involved, too many to go into here.
However when they moved 15 miles away for my SiLs job, I resisted my daughters request to move with her.
I still visit every week or every other week and sometimes more often and strangely enough, my daughter and I are closer now than ever before.
Maybe, next time you visit your daughter, offer to look after your GC for a couple of ours, in her own home, to allow your daughter time to herself, in addition to your visits to them both.
When she's at pre-school, maybe you could share pick ups and maybe have your GC for the afternoon, as well as seeing your daughter on a separate day.
Once a week is a good starting point and I'm sure you'll both find a balance of visits that suit you both. Especially when your daughter realises that you would love to babysit.

Mon1210...I see my grandkids twice sometimes three days a week.Sounds to me like a perfect arrangement.

Oh Cuckoo, my heart goes out to you. Why oh why do sons allow their wives to cut out the paternal grandparents? It happens so often. Heartbreaking. Can’t you try and find out what the problem is? X

When we all have time I think. Every 2 to 3 weeks but no set time. It will be up to your daughter to decide. Try not to invade her space without an invite....

I know what you mean Mon1210. As Grandparents of three GC, we are exceptionally lucky to live next door to two and about an hour from the third. We see next door almost daily and about 8/10 days for the third. I must admit, I cannot imagine how I would feel if next door moved away (sad) . My advice would be, don’t arrange to meet up on a specific day each week to ensure you don’t get disappointed if it doesn’t happen! Enjoy every minute.

I see my son's children every day because he is a single dad and I take them to and from school. My DD's, I've been seeing once a week because they live an hour away - but now they are moving 600 miles away next month because of work. So I'll see them in the holidays I guess. I'm upset about that, but you can't keep your children with you forever.

My only grandson comes twice a week for dinner and his mum collects him on her way home.If he has after school activities he lets me know,I would never pressurise him to come if he has something on.My daughter calls at least twice a week and my daughter who lives in London comes at every eight weeks for the weekend.We feel truly blessed.

You are very lucky, my GC live a distance away. Two are 90 minutes away and three are 3 hours away, so it’s every 2-3 months. They do however come to stay ( without parents) at least once a year so that is extended quality time.

I see my GC once a week in term time but in the holidays I see them maybe 4 or 5 times a week . I think twice a week seems fine it all depends on you and your daughters daily lives however I do sometimes feel envious of other grandma as she doesn't work so has a lot more time available to visit .

Once every two or three months for a couple of hours

We see ours about six times a year. They live six hours a way and are both at school. We usually see them for about a week at a time during the holidays. I’d love to see them more but it just isn’t possible. ☹️

You sound like a great mum and grandmother. My daughter and granddaughter still live with me and my granddaughter is five, so I know it will be really hard when my daughter eventually is able to get her own place, but that will be my problem not theirs.

You could suggest a regular weekly visit so that your daughter can go out have her hair cut etc. I look after two grandchildren with my husband and if one is asleep I tackle her mountain of ironing or unload the dishwasher. I never go just to sit but play with the children to give my daughter a break.

It will be an adjustment, it always is when someone has been in your house and then is suddenly gone. I find it every time youngest comes home from uni and then disappears again. But you will find a rhythm. And then hopefully time for yourself to have fun. Then when you step into a new pattern with them, you will be fun gran with a life of her own and much love and time to share with them.

Mon, think how limiting it is for your daughter if she is tied to meeting with you every day. Young mums want to see other young mums too, it's part of their social life and interaction for the babies. She wants to make a fresh start and still see you, just not as much. Her suggestion is very reasonable. Give her space and you may well find you see each other more often but you will know it's because she wants to see you, not because she feels she has to.

The OP has acknowledged that it is good her daughter is building her life and independence. She is pleased to her. She is just asking how others have adjusted in this situation!!

I'm a step-gran but I've known all 4 DGCs since they were born. We see 2 once a week as we go to theirs to be there when they get home from school, prepare their tea etc. until one or other of parents get home. The other 2 live about 70 miles away, we are lucky to see them 2 or 3 times a year as they have very busy lives (stepdaughter is brilliant, but she's also helping to care for her MIL who has Parkinsons) so we don't push it - just happy to visit when invited or have them visit us, whenever. Not ideal but they all know we love them which I suppose is the main thing.

There is no 'right' amount of contact, it is what you all feel comfortable with, and what is viable given distance, transport and daily commitments.

They have only just left your home so you are naturally missing them a lot at the moment. Your daughter has suggested a quite frequent and regular visiting period. I don't think she's trying to keep you at a distance or exclude you from your GD's life, she just wants to start building her own family life with her daughter, that's only natural.

We have seven GC, five of them we see about 3 or 4 times a year because of distance. The other two live just a few miles away and we see them on average once a month. I know that their other GPs see a lot more of them because they live nearer, but I'm not envious or jealous of that, it's just how it is. They are all their own family units, we are extended family, I don't expect to be a constant part of their lives. We love having them when they do visit and there is no shyness or lack of closeness between us.

Enjoy your Ds and GDs company when you do see them but let them live their own lives too

I really find it odd that most people aren't in their children's lives more often past 18 (once had children or moved out) Its definitely been an eye opener being on this forum. My mum has been a grandma for the last 18 years and hasn't had much contact and I've resented her for it yet it seems to be the norm... mmmnn much to ponder about.

Is your daughter not with a partner? I ask because if there is just the three if you it would be difficult for her to not having your constant support. I think that once a week, twice if you're luckily sounds great and your close bond will continue. The house must seem very empty, but soon you will adjust. I miss mine now they are teenagers, always busy, so don't get to see them too often now.

My daughter has three children - I see the eldest (20) once a fortnight (when she's home from Uni) and the two younger ones (17 and 11) two or three times a week (twice a week I look after them while their mum is on a College Course).

My eldest son has a step-son (13) who I see about once a fortnight when his mum and my son bring him to visit me.

My younger son has three sons (17, 10 and 2) - I see them three or four times a month - or more often, if they need an 'overnight sitter'.

My own mum was never available for child-minding duties and not very demonstrative with her affections where my own children were concerned as they were growing up ............................... I've been determined to be available whenever needed - and frequently 'offer' to look after one or two, if I know that they're a bit pushed.

Sitting here now waiting for DiL to drop off youngest grandson (2) to take him for the day ........................ we're going to see Santa today .

I have one Dil, my sister has 3 DiLs. We are so grateful that they are so lovely. We both see quite a lot of our DGC with regular sleepovers even though we each live an hour away.
Sorry to sound smug but I worry this maternal vs paternal grandparent thing may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I agree with you OllieBeak, offer to help, try to be the grandmother that you wish your kids had.
My DGD's other gran has lots of DGC and a job, but manages to make time for all of them. Hats off to grans like that.

A bond is formed (earned) not an entitlement.

Luckylegs9. I have 4 children. The eldest has just left home with her daughter. House is still busy but there's just a huge gap now. It's just her and her daughter no partner so I'm sure she'll need me for support but I'm going to let her lead it as and when she wants it.