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advice about dad

(81 Posts)
busybee6969 Thu 17-Jan-19 08:41:59

dad is 80 poor health,has a dog for company,i visit daily do all i can im only daughter,phone every evening,he has a cleaner who is getting very demanding,just found out he has been collecting her from her other cleaning jobs quite a few miles away and running her in his car to bank ,.he gave her my old car a year ago so she has her own car,just found out,he paid of the debt on her old car when she got my car,a year ago so her 3 hours a week cleaning pay is actually coming off the debt he paid for her,but he admits she only flys round doing the cleaning quick possibly 1 and a half hours but expects 3 hours knocking off her debt he paid,she rolls up for dinner several days a week letting him know night before what day and time he needs to cook her dinner for then as soon as they hgave eaten her hubby collects her, she is about 53 ,i think dad is getting more forgetful,but its making me ill with worry as i dont trust her. found out about a year ago she had applied to local council to try and get a council flat in dads town so she could help look after him,putting him down as her stepdad,when i called her out on it saying it was fraud she was no relation to him a cleaner/friend she laughed in my face, luckily she did not get a coucil place, her hubby and her rent private move address about every 9 months,any advice sorry for long post

busybee6969 Mon 21-Jan-19 11:31:51

sorry for no replys my hubby was taken ill been in hospital with him he has angina went by ambulance to hospital. was crying reading your threat replies.have had several chats with dad brought up sacking cleaner did not go well, he will not sack her told me i can not sack her. i got 2 of his friends involved they came round with me for a chat with him, he will not sack her.she weems to not be there as much, neighbours our watching him for me.i evan said my mum and sister who both died from cancer would turn in there grave if they knew what was going on. he just said he was fine, i asked about poa he does not want to do it, his 2 friends both agree with me we might push him too far if we get too heavy handed ie social services. im broken completely know its wrong but he is forgetful yes old yes but ,evan his 2 old friends who agree completely with me say he will not budge andthey have met cleaner know about her say we cant do any more if dad wont ,so will watch more closely, visit at different times to try and catch her out,feel a complete mess stress etc

NotSpaghetti Wed 23-Jan-19 12:36:57

busybee6969 thank you for the update. I'm sure everyone is sorry about the stress of your husband's illness and wish him well.
Re your father, will you put a camera in as so many suggest?

franjess2000 Thu 24-Jan-19 16:03:14

This is elder abuse pure and simple. Report it to the police or social services. They deal with this every day. I used to work for social services.

Without your intervention your dad could be left with nothing.

I hope that your husband soon recovers. You need to look after youself too. Maybe look at getting some help for yourself- talk to your local carers support group.

Houseseller Thu 24-Jan-19 16:30:51

If this was happening to me my Children would have her out no trouble. Anyone putting a claim to their future inheritance would be like a red rag to a bull lol

maytime2 Thu 24-Jan-19 17:30:09

Like Franjess I also worked in Adult Services. I actually worked in the department which deals with the abuse of adults who are deemed vulnerable. It is now called Safeguarding and there would be such an unit in your local council, Meetings are held with the presence of trained police officers from the outset to determine whether or not any abuse has occurred and action would be taken accordingly by the police