Sorry, this is a long one! Quick background. My husband and I live a long way from both our son, DiL & GC, and also our daughter and her partner, but we live close to our DiL's parents. For years, myself and DiL's mum have taken turns to host Christmas for everyone. All has been good, until last Xmas when there was a bit of an 'issue' which created a bit of an atmosphere, although we did manage to sort it out in time, so as not to ruin the day! I know this seems all rather early to worry about, but as we all live so far away from each other, we need to book flights well in advance. Fast forward to this year, which is going to be the first Xmas ever that all my family won't be together. I knew this would happen one day, but it doesn't make it any easier! My son & DiL have decided, understandably, now that they have a child, they would like to have their 1st xmas in their own home, but both sets of grandparents would be invited. Whenever we visit our son & DiL, we always stay at their house. However, they only have one spare bedroom, so not enough room for us all to stay at their house at the same time. I personally don't like the idea of having to stay in a hotel, when the other set of grandparents would no doubt be staying with them. Stupid, I know, but it's the age-old paternal/maternal grandparent situation, and the idea of feeling 'left out/second best' kind of upsets me, and the 'issue' that we had last xmas doesn't make it any easier. It also happens to be the first xmas that our DD will not be coming to us, as she is with her partner, in their new home, and understandably doesn't want to be away from him again this xmas, plus he has work commitments, so unable to come over to us. However, she has also said she wants us to spend Xmas with them! I'm very close to both my son and daughter, so this is such a difficult situation to be in! I know my son will be disappointed if we don't spend xmas with them, as I think he automatically expects that we will, as we always have. But I also know that my daughter, who always very much looks forward to Xmas with family around, and is already excited at the prospect of hosting her 1st Xmas in her own home, will be very disappointed if we don't go to her. How do other parents/grandparents deal with this kind of situation, which inevitably must happen to most of us, at some point, as our children become adults, and get married? Part of me feels that because of the 'issue' we had last year, it'd be best if we went to my daughter's. But then we'd be missing out on seeing our GC, and I'd hate my son & DiL to think that we didn't want to spend xmas with them, which couldn't be further from the truth. Although, I do feel that the other GM would probably prefer it if we weren't there! The other part of me feels that I'd love to spend it with our daughter, who will also invite her own grandfather (my father, who lives close to her), who has often travelled to us for Xmas, but he's now quite elderly and not in the best of health, so I don't know how much longer he'll be around! So, what it boils down to is this:
1) I don't want to miss out on spending time with my GC.
2) I don't like the idea of spending Xmas in a hotel and feeling like I don't belong.
3) I know the other GM would prefer if we weren't there.
4) If we don't go I feel like I'm setting a precedent for coming years.
5) I hate disappointing either of my children.
6) My father would love for us to be at my daughter's.
I'm very new to this grandparent malarkey, and I'm really trying to do the right thing without causing havoc or upset! I know there are wise, experienced grandparents out there who can put their own spin on this kind of situation, I'd be very grateful for any advice! You can be as truthful and harsh as you like, I will take it onboard!
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