Sons

I have a daughter and son, both married with children. I hardly see my son though we do speak at least once a week. His family is his life now and he puts them first, always, which is what he should do. I accept that. I’m an afterthought these days and it does upset me at times, especially on birthdays and Christmas when I’m lucky if I get a card from him. As for my daughter, we speak regularly and she does think about me and never forgets birthdays or Christmas.

I have six sons! First three all under 5, last three 5 years between each! They are AMAZING ? and tell me they love me every time we meet/ speak.
Now have 5 DIL’s, (my youngest is only 21 so hopefully no wife for another 10 years!!) all fantastic girls,who include me with everything,. I’ve been to choose wedding dresses, been on hen weekends, go shopping, one shapes my eyebrows,two help me on technology. The girls families are fab,we all get
on well,and we go on holiday together.The girls hug me and say “love you too “ when they leave. Now have 8 grandchildren who always love being here too.
It is brilliant,I wouldn’t change a thing, ( but did want a daughter the last three pregnancies!)
My modus operandi is never never never pass a negative,critical word! Either compliment,or keep Shtumm!
Always be kind, never have a favourite!
Enjoy your boys, they are priceless.????

Cannot believe such outdated views still exist - totally ridiculous.
Surely it is the relationship you build over the years of nurture that determine the future not some "old wives tales"!
I totally agree with Grannybags - boys are great.
My son now has his own family but we remain very close, DIL is wonderful and as close to me as the daughter I never had.
Enjoy your boys - they drive you mad, they make you laugh, they wrap you around their tiny fingers - it's called simply being Mum ! No worries.

Why oh why people assume you want both girls and boys is beyond me - as long as they are healthy, who cares?
I have one son and I can say I don't miss having a daughter! Yes it would have been nice to have someone to do girly things with, but there are always friends to go out with as well as other female family members - when all else fails, I have been known to go to concerts on my own as well as a mid week break or two.
Boys , when they get into their teens are easier - they just disappear into their bedrooms and only come out for food - my friends that have girls are reduced to tearing their hair out with the screaming matches that happen for no reason, and the constant arguments that seem to go on for years! So there are positives to having boys!

2 adult sons 38, 36 who we have a good relationship with unfortunately they do not have a good relationship with each other, so we play piggy in the middle. Family get togethers are a big no no too, but hey ho.

Very good advise, I know u are right, I'll definitely be using the, we'll see comment next time ? thanks

I'm so glad I wrote this post I'm loving the feedback, almost all positive which is nice!

If my sons are around we hang out, or I hang out with the daughter in laws, or we are all together. I don't get caught up in their business and just go out for fun. It is a different relationship now they have their other halves, but I'm delighted they have partners.

I only have daughters and have a really close relationship to them and their family. However, if you bring your sons up well i.e. to be respectful of others in the family by modelling good family relationships yourself, to be independent and hard working, to realise that they should do their fair share of household tasks and make sensible, well thought out decisions about their life, then, hopefully, when they are adults they should still want a strong family bond.

However, making your children your whole life, as you have said, is a big mistake. Of course they are very important but there are other important aspects too like work, your own interests and your relationship with other family members. Don't be that mother who thinks her sons can do nothing wrong and need waiting on hand and foot.

It amazes me when I read of daughters and DinLs who cut their family members out of their lives. All that shows the child is how to behave towards their own parents when they are older!!!

I'm so sorry for those of you that lost children, I have to say that puts things into perspective, I can't imagine the loss you must feel

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have two DS's one in his late 30's and one just 40. They each have families of their own and they positively encourage us to have a relationship with their children which is great for us. We get on very well with their wives neither of whom are very close to their mums and they do not live close by. Enjoy your boys and don't worry about the future. It is what you input now when they are growing up that counts and they will always be there for you.

I can only speak from my own experience.
I have one son in his late 30's and we are very, very close and always have been.
I've recently had a lot of health issues and he's been by my side all the way through - I have to say that his partner has also been very helpful and supportive too.
We speak every day and enjoy trips out for meals, go to the cinema together, live music events etc. We also enjoy a short break away every year. At this time, his partner does the same with her family.
I know I'm very lucky and I really do appreciate and cherish the relationship we have. He's a wonderful man and I'm very proud of him.
His partner is very close to her parents too and I'm very fond of her.

I have 2 sons & we get on just fine.
I also get on very well with both my DiLs- even though no 1 son is separated from his wife ( I have to say since split they have become firm friends & make all decisions on their children together).
I am always very aware that I am not Mum to my DGC but still an important person in their lives & my word is law in my own house ( ie they WILL pick up their toys before bed etc.) Luckily we all live quite close to each other. Not too close though.
It takes a bit of work but it is well worth the effort.
TBH I did not get on very well with my own Mum but then she did walk out on my dad & I without a word of warning one day & moved to the other side of the country with another man. So I did not have a good role model & had to make it all up myself.

I have two sons and one daughter her being 10 years after my youngest, my son's were easy to bring up and yes once they left home with the loves of their life I took a step back only right really, My daughter's in law are very nice and look after them well but they always put their own parents first and sometimes we feel that we are after thoughts (except for childsitting of course) but don't think having girls is the best thing DD was stroppy a know it all and spent all her time with friends except when she wanted something!! Now she's left and getting married soon and you know what I don't miss her I love her and always will but I don't miss the clash. Enjoy your time with your son's but the future is not in your hands and you'll just have to wait and see.

My youngest child is a boy, he turned 46 yesterday, not a child anymore, we have great contact,unfortunately he is separated but his ex and myself are good friend as I am with my Son
Dont believe everything you hear, you will always have a lovely relationship with your sons I am sure.

Squeaky, I raised one son and he’s my only child. He is now 30 years old. Raising him was a joy and he was easy going. Having never had a daughter, I’ve heard from others that boys are easier to raise than girls. But, I believe it also depends on the child. To this day, my son and I remain close. He lives an hour away, and lives with his girlfriend. We get together on special occasions and we try to see each other every few weeks. I work too so we are both busy. He is also very close to my parents and my sister. You are blessed to have 3 boys! Enjoy watching them grow and make lots of memories. They grow up so quickly.

I have one son who I rarely see/hear from, and an indifferent DIL, and one daughter and son in law whom I am very close to.

My wife and I have a great relationship with our son, his young adult children and are looking forward to our ggc also having such relationships. Gender doesn't matter as much as family values.

I have to remind my son at times that his parents are still alive!

Squeeky - I'm glad you're enjoying the feedback, and I love the post from Janiepops, as people who have more sons than I do are rare these days!
I also thought about mentioning gay partners, but decided to speak from my own experience of 4 straight sons.
I will add another part of my experience in case it is helpful to anyone else reading these posts. I did have a few moments' sadness about not having a daughter - not because I had any stereotyped notion of what she would be (the women in my family would put paid to that!) - but for some sort of female connection in the next generation.
So I had to think about it - about the wonderful women who had shaped me. In doing so I was able to reflect on the qualities I valued in both sexes in my family, and to rejoice in the boys - now men - who are carrying that forward - not least by more wonderful women they have chosen to be part of our family.

I have a DS and DD. Maybe it's because my DS has children that I see far more of him and his family than my DD who had a challenging job, works long hours and spends most of her leisure hours travelling. I think the key, most of the time, is to have a good relationship with your DiL. I went wedding dress shopping with her and her mum, whom I get on with really well, and went on her hen night. Of course, unfortunately, it doesn't work with every DiL. Just enjoy your boys and I'm sure, if you have a good relationship with them whilst they're young there is a good chance it will carry on into adulthood.

Lessismore I agree about the boys' toys and blue! Dear lord, haven't we fought to get rid of the gender stereotypes?
On the many boys thing - a friend of mine has 5 sons. All lovely, all loved and they're grown-ups now and still close to their own family. It'll all be OK.

I have a son and a daughter and for many years thought I'd only have a close relationship with my daughter. When they were students my daughter rang me most days while son hardly ever did. However when he reached his twenties he started to share more with me and ring me for advice. I'm divorced from his dad and he told me that his dad had been rubbish at offering advice and he appreciated the advice I gave (only when requested). He is married now and I have a lovely daughter in law too. My son rings me fairly regularly and we are almost as close as I am with my daughter. Boys tend to mature later than girls but your relationships can be just as close given time.

Just enjoy them Squeeky you have so many years stretching our before you for making wonderful memories, don't let fears of what may or may not happen spoil this wonderful and precious time with your boys.

None of us know what the future holds. We became estranged from our youngest son and only GC 6.5 years ago after 27 wonderful years. We talk and laugh about all the things that we did as a family with one another and our other son.

You're making memories as your children grow and what ever happens in the future, those memories cannot be taken away from you, or your child so don't let fears for a future you cannot see cast a shadow over the life you have now.