Sons

It seems a pity to spoil your present by worrying about your future.
I have two sons and have maintained a good relationship with them. One I see every week, and we keep in contact most days. The other I see about every 10/14 days.
Maybe I've just been lucky.
It's important to try to get on with their wives/partners.
And it can be a bonus. I've got lovely daughters-in-law.
And there are the grandchildren of course, three girls and one boy, all lovely.
In spite of all that, I still would have loved a daughter.
Nevertheless, I have a great relationship with my sons and
I fervently hope that you always will too.

I was just thinking that I wonder if it is different now with smaller families generally.
There was one woman at the school gate with 6 handsome sons when mine were there. She wouldn't stand any nonsense. If you'd tried to suggest she was short of a girl!
As someone said upthread; be very glad you have a healthy trio.

Please don't worry about when they are adults yet!

When my DD was born she was given dozens, seriously, of frilly dresses! I promise I've never given my DGD frilly dresses.

Squeeky ignore all of the ignorant comments. I have two grown up sons, I could not be more proud of them if I tried, we are close but I am conscious of letting them lead their own lives. I am also lucky enough to have two wonderful daughters-in-law.
Further to that my DH is very close to his elderly mum and is so supportive towards her.
Enjoy your beautiful boys!

I have 3 sons. All grown up now. I have always brought them up to be there for each other, and they are...and for me too. My wise old mum always used to say, 'whoever they choose you have to accept them', otherwise you lose your son. I am very close to all 3 of my daughter in laws. There have been a few girlfriends in the past I haven't been keen on, but always kept my opinions to myself....enjoy your little boys xx

My son is a gentle, thoughtful and kind man and I could not be more proud of him. A good husband and father. We have the odd spat but it means nothing - both strong willed we like our own way but I would change nothing about our relationship - I hope nothing ever does. Don't listen to silly people trying to spoil things for you ; your relationship with them is personal to you and each son, and nothing to do with outsiders who are talking rubbish - probably jealous that you have three fine sons.

I have a son and a daughter. My son is 39 and we have long telephone calls where we put the family to rights. I often say, I wouldn't tell anyone else this, and he agrees, he wouldn't either! We are alike in personality and my daughter is like her dad. I am very happy with my relationship with my son.

We have a son and a daughter. Both are in caring professions and I am very proud of the way they relate to other people and to their children. I am amazed by our daughter who holds down a demanding post, ferries 2 children to and from various places on the way to and from work and provides them with wonderful experiences when they are at home. (I struggled as a full time mum so she did not learn all this from me!). Our son, however, was the one who enjoyed clothes shopping with me and helped me choose two of my all time favourite (and somewhat outrageous) outfits on one memorable occasion. He is a single parent dad of a teenager and is just as child focussed as his sister. He astonished me 3 years ago by following me into social work. I feel their father was the crucial influence in that he supported me in my (very challenging but wonderful profession)....and was in fact their main carer....

Two middle-aged sons - still very close, if not geographically - I'm in Cheshire, they are both in the south. We keep in touch by phone and Whatsap. I have two DGDs and three DGSs, The DGSs are tall and handsome; DGD2, little and determined!
The boys, as teenagers, saw me through divorce and bereavement with a maturity beyond their years, though not completely unscathed themselves by their father's defection.
Both have good careers and manage to enjoy a life outside the office.
Ignore anyone who thinks 2 boys are some kind of disadvantage. Mine brought me lovely DiLs whom I regard as my friends; and then again, I have beautiful GDs. One of my sisters has just the same set-up and would say just the same.

Just another thought squeeky, children of either gender learn by watching their parents. My sons saw my husband have a good and relaxed relationship with my parents into older age, sadly my husband's father died before I met him and as his mother was much older she died when our sons were children. We were never geographically close and I would say our relationship was of its time, fairly formal but loving. They grew up seeing us make clear that relationships with parents and family are valuable.

Neither of our sons are geographically close enough to just drop in for a cuppa. They work long hours, have their own homes and families but and this is an important but know their parents as people, are in regular contact (as am I with them, its a two way street). We support them if they need it and they support us if we let them. A close friend is very ill at the moment and daily supportive messages are coming without prompting.

I do know what you mean about seeing closeness between adult daughters and their mothers, I've had the odd pang over the years which has usually passed when I think of how frankly bossy some adult daughters can be and how friends daughters often gravitated to our home in their teenage years when they were fighting with their mothers. Teenage boys seemed to us to be much less volatile. I'm happy that daughters in law and granddaughters are now in my life. Please don't be governed by stereotypes, your relationship with your sons is unique to you all, relax and enjoy them, the future will sort itself.

I have 3 sons and a daughter,i see them all very regularly, sometimes several times a week, except the eldest who lives abroad but i am in contact with him at least twice a week
We are a family of boys, several grandsons and only 3 grand daughter, but i would say take no notice of what people tell you, my daughter i see several times a week too, but if i don't see them i hear from them
The 2 youngest sons live quite close

My son visits several times a week and phones nearly every day we have a very close bond and my DIL Is wonderful .im very lucky enjoy your three sons x

I have one stepson who I’m very close to we look after his son 2 afternoons a week and 5 sons so you can imagine the comments I got in fact one person said what a shame when I had my youngest son! That was terrible. We now have 3 grandsons and have just had a granddaughter. We have 2 lovely daughters in law and I was presented at the birth of 2 of my grandkids. We are close to all our sons apart from one and they have such good relationships with each other which is a delight .

Squeeky

Gay men are wonderful, I know some and there always so much fun!

Squeeky - gay men are as diverse in their personality traits and straight men, they can be fun, or grumpy, bright or stupid just like everyone else!

I have a great relationship with my adult son but it is a bit different to my daughter - we get on well but we don’t go the theatre and hang out like I do with my daughter. You HAVE to get your daughter-in-law on board or else you’re screwed. Luckily my DiL is lovely but they both see much more of her mum than they do me and I know that when they have children she will want to be with her mum for help and advice and childcare and not me, because it’s her mum.
It is different I’m afraid but it’s ok.

Squeaky, My sister had 2 sons and then a couple of years later she had twin boys. Then she had a girl who sadly died of cancer last year. The boys are very close to each other and my sister. I have a lovely step son and a lovely son in law and now I have my ultimate dream of a grandson. Enjoy your boys. My ex husband was very close to his mum all of our married life of 25 years.

Basically that's right I m the mother if three sons and had lovely. Lose relationship with them. Two married the eldest is ok rings talks to his dad then remembers me! Middle one never bothersc except Christmas Mother's Day birthday visits.nif we didn't visit him he wouldn't bother. Youngest been away in own home back now and is quite close to bith of us. Just accept it and live own life. But yes it does upset me.

I have a very close relationship with my son, we are a close family & I count myself lucky. My friend has 3 sons & has a close relationship with them all? healthy, happy children most important thing x

I have 2 grown sons (43 & 47) and have a great relationship with both although the younger is on the other side of the world and the elder 2 hours away. Having daughters doesn't necessarily mean they are closer than sons - one of my lovely DIL hasn't spoken to her mother for 16 years.

Enjoy your boys while they're young. By the time they are old enough to leave home you will be ready to let them fly the nest and look forward to the expansion of your family with in-laws and grandchildren.

I have 2 sons and a daughter ( my youngest). My daughter lives 5 mins walk away so I do see her nearly every day. I have a lovely relationship with her but I can honestly say that my younger son and I have more in common and share more together. He is affectionate and caring with me too. When he was in between jobs we met up for the cinema, coffee etc a few times a week and could chat for hours ( he was late 20's then). He lives an hour way now but I see him weekly with his partner, they're expecting their first baby My older son I was very close to as well and he was very caring and we enjoyed each others company. He came over a few times a week. Sadly I lost him to cancer age 26 and it has broken my heart, such was the closeness. Both my son's settled down with girls who I love so I'm lucky in that respect. We even all go on holiday together. So in my case my daughter and sons are as close to me in the same way.

I am blessed to have three grown up sons as well as two grown up daughters. My three sons are hugely different and all have busy working and home lives, however I still feel a part of their lives even though we may not speak, or actually see one another loads. We stay in touch on Whats App/Messenger and sometimes we actually speak on a phone! I see the middle one most as I look after my grandchildren quite regularly - the youngest lives in London so I see him twice a year if I'm lucky ..and the eldest lives locally but is often working away - he makes a point of dropping in if he's hereabouts. The most important thing to me is their health, safety and happiness and although I'd love to see more of them, I completely 'get it' and don't feel any sense of being left out of their lives. They know I'm here for them come what may - and in the meantime, they are living their lives ...just as I did at their ages. It's the same with my daughters - I see them when I look after the grandchildren, but rarely, otherwise. They are busy parents with not enough hours in the day /days in the week. I remember that part of my life and I look at them and wonder however on earth I coped, all those years ago - and things weren't as frantic then! I have a lovely daughter in law, a lovely youngest son's partner and a wonderful son in law to add to the mix, so all in all...it's good!

I have two DD and a DS I do go out shopping with my daughters and have a close relationship with them however my son lives 5 minutes away and we see each other several times a week or he rings and texts we went through some difficult times and i was a single parent with just him at home and I do feel this made a strong bond for us both my best advice is to enjoy your boys and make a good relationship in the future with your daughter in-laws I have a lovely caring DIL who I get on with as much as my DDs hope you are as lucky

So sorry Lauren on the loss of your son.....nothing worse than outliving your children. Be brave. To you and all those who have lost children, I just can't imagine your pain

From my standpoint that saying is a load of rubbish! DS brought a fabulous young woman into our lives whom we have formed a great relationship - in her words a unique one. We respect each others roles in his life. Really not a problem.

I know that it isn't the same for everyone and we know how fortunate we are. Just wanting to reassure the OP that she will not necessarily lose her son when's he finds his mate.

I have a daughter ,with two kids who I get on reasonably well, although she’s not very forthcoming or ‘gushy’. I see her a lot because I am involved with grandkids quite a lot. I also have a son who is three years younger than his sister. Also not forthcoming or ‘gushy’ with me or his dad, but he is single has a wide range of friends all married with kids , and spends a lot of time with them. I make a point of inviting him for Sunday lunch once every few weeks to ‘catch up’..l he mostly comes as he enjoys my cooking although he is a good cook himself. He’ll spend a few hours and even attempt a job or two for me although like his dad he’s not very ‘handy’. This relationship with my son suits me to the ground, I don’t like ‘gushy’ relationships myself, so we are all happy with our occasional gatherings. He’s respectful , and seems happy, so I’m happy. I couldn’t do with the families that are always popping in and out of each other’s homes without at least a fone call. Different strokes for different folk I suppose.

I like to think my son and I have a good relationship. I don't see him as much as my DD but we carry on where we left off type of thing. He's married and I'm lucky to have a super DiL and a positive relationship with the GC. Enjoy your children Squeeky and don't worry about the future.

I have two sons and get on well with both as I do my daughter in laws help out whenever I can have a good relationship . Will say I’m not a interfering MIL lol that to me is a real no no, they have their own lives to live.really enjoy when we get together