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friendship problem

(36 Posts)
Catlover123 Wed 31-Jul-19 17:21:51

I have a friend who used to be a close friend but since moving hasn't kept in touch very often. I sent her a message via Facebook a couple of months ago asking her why she hadn't replied to a long email I sent her many weeks before that. She replied that she had enjoyed reading my email and would be in touch soon. She hasn't been in touch and not so long ago her mum died and I sent her a card. I would just like to know why she hasn't been in touch, it's just not knowing that is upsetting as I don't know if I have upset her in some way. Should I contact her again or would it be better to wait a bit longer since she may still be grieving?

Joyfulnanna Thu 01-Aug-19 14:25:32

She's probably grieving and self absorbed. Send her a quick "thinking of you" message and leave her to respond in her own time.

Catlover123 Thu 01-Aug-19 15:45:32

thanks for all your messages. My friend moved about 7 yrs ago, and is well settled in her town. I may just ask how she is and then leave it at that. It's just puzzling to me that she hasn't said anything.

notanan2 Thu 01-Aug-19 16:02:46

Is there any chance that your email read like a round robbin? People dont generally reply to those

gilld69 Thu 01-Aug-19 16:27:55

I would leave it if shes not contacted you then leave the ball in her court

Pat1949 Thu 01-Aug-19 19:55:19

I would think she's upset and feeling depressed about her mother. Some people retreat into their shell when they're upset. Other people like to talk things over.

4allweknow Thu 01-Aug-19 20:20:33

She has moved and sometimes this ends contact with others. Also her mother's death may well cause her to feel the ties should just end. Give her a couple of weeks, send her another short message hoping she is well given her bereavement. If no response looks like she isn't interested in continuing contact.

lmm6 Thu 01-Aug-19 22:09:38

"Don't make anyone a priority if, to them, you are only an option."
I followed this advice. However, I don't have many friends left now!

cas58 Fri 02-Aug-19 07:10:16

Hi Catlover, I'd ask her. I ask her if you have done something wrong to upset her because if you have you'd like a chance to apologise.
Keep writing her too, it's a conversation on paper or screen. She knows you're thinking of her and you're there for her, but also ask her what can I do for you?. With the best intentions people always say they're there for someone, but I've also found when I've asked what can I do for them, I get a response and am able to help that way.
Hope this helps. x

Buffy Fri 02-Aug-19 09:17:38

Oh dear. I think eveyone has a problem like this at some time. You've done all you can. She know's where you are. Stop punishing yourself wondering what you might have done.

Mamma66 Fri 02-Aug-19 09:26:37

Please give her more time. My lovely Mum died seven years ago after a short illness. Her death was absolutely awful and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Looking back now I am sure I was suffering from depression. I couldn’t cope with anyone or anything and dropped off the face of the earth. I didn’t want to see anyone other than my husband, brothers and father. I was 44 at the time and the first in my friendship group to lose a parent. My friends really didn’t understand and I lost some friendships, some I really valued. I tried to reconnect with these friends and tried writing to explain (several times) but I guess they were offended and were not prepared to accept my explanation and apology. Please give your friend time and space, she may be really struggling