Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Advice please

(31 Posts)
murrec Wed 27-Nov-19 11:35:28

I have a 15 year old granddaughter who I love dearly. I worry about her constantly. I hate to say I find the way she dresses embarrassing. Skirts are obscenely short and tops are tiny. She is a very pretty girl but not slim but also not obese. I worry she will attract the wrong sort of attention. I would like very kindly to speak to her about it. I am at a loss as to know how I should approach the subject and in fact is it any of my business. Help please.

MawB Wed 27-Nov-19 11:37:52

Absolutely, dont

Teetime Wed 27-Nov-19 11:47:35

Carefully very carefully. Fashion changes quickly so the clothes that you dont like will soon be over. I think most of us go through this phase with our daughters. What I found was a disaster was to buy my daughter something to wear witho9ut her specific request. She was happy with joint shopping trips as I was paying of course but no way could I steer her away from her favourites. Hopefully its a phase. Do speak with her about personal safety though but be careful around talking about clothes you dont want to harden her attitude. I would praise the things you do like and just not mention the others.

sodapop Wed 27-Nov-19 11:51:41

Yes Teetime is right, positive reinforcement is the way to go along with the advice about personal safety. I remember having similar conversations with one of my daughters now aged 44.

Sara65 Wed 27-Nov-19 12:05:49

Oh no, don’t say anything!

Would you have taken fashion advice from your granny?

GagaJo Wed 27-Nov-19 12:26:40

Exactly. I teach teenagers. What we think is OK is NOT on their radar. They go by their peers. Not us.

endlessstrife Wed 27-Nov-19 13:13:57

Not your place I’m afraid, the best you can do is air your worries to her parents. Otherwise, sit tight and wait for the phase to pass.

crystaltipps Wed 27-Nov-19 13:21:02

Didn’t you wear miniskirts or huge bell bottoms or platform shoes or other attention seeking outfits? I did and expect my mum and gran were horrified. Agree it’s not your place and if you did say anything she would roll her eyes, not take any notice and write you off as an old misery.

rosenoir Wed 27-Nov-19 13:31:07

I think part of the problem is that young people dont just stand in front of a mirror, they take a selfie from a flattering angle and use filters. If possible take an unflattering photo of her somehow. Apart from that I wouldnt say anything, she would not value your opinion and it will cause upset.

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 13:50:30

I can remember wearing some -very- short skirts in the 1960s, with bare legs or sheer tights.

Seeing my 12 year old DGD, slim with -very- long legs in equally short tight skirts, I also notice that she is wearing them over thick tights and I think 'How wise', although I would never ever say so.

Tedber Wed 27-Nov-19 13:51:14

OMG Murrec... not sure what age group you belong to but I remember wearing the shortest of shortest and my dad saying exactly the same to me!!! I ignored HIM then as your GD will do to you!

crazyH Wed 27-Nov-19 13:57:05

My granddaughter, same age as yours Murrec.....dresses similar...but I don't say a thing.

Patsy70 Wed 27-Nov-19 15:13:28

I was a child of the sixties too! Mini skirts, high heels, even false eyelashes! My poor parents! I have four granddaughters, from 17 to 11. My 15 year old is horse mad, and happiest in jodhpurs, hoodies, boots and covered in mud etc. The 17 year old is modern and smart, wears very short skirts in the summer and has lovely long legs. My 13 year old is at the 'gangly' stage, shows her midriff a lot! Little 11 year old is growing fast and developing a taste for fashion, although she is happy in her horsey clothes. They need to develop an identity and hopefully, whilst doing so, their clothes sense won't reveal too much! Don't say a word Murrec, would be my advice.

murrec Wed 27-Nov-19 15:16:04

Thanks everyone. Okay I won’t say anything, even though my tongue is sore with biting it so often !!! Pleased I asked for your advice.

Septimia Wed 27-Nov-19 15:20:48

It's her parents' job to tell her she can't go out dressed like a tart - as my parents said to me (or will be treated like one)!

I remember DS and friends sitting on a wall in the village watching one of the local girls walk past and remarking that she was wearing a belt rather than a skirt, it was that short. Even other youngsters notice what doesn't look good.

Maybe the best tactic is to compliment her when she's wearing something that does look nice - tell her how elegant/ pretty/fashionable she looks or how it suits her figure/colouring.

Tedber Wed 27-Nov-19 15:53:51

ooof Septimia "dressed like a tart"? Dangerous choice of words...... what's a tart anyway? Strawberry? Lemon? smile

Also, if my mum/dad/gran had complimented 'me' on my choice of clothes at 16...I would have been suspicious ha ha ha

M0nica Wed 27-Nov-19 15:58:34

No don't compliment her when she's wearing something that does look nice - tell her how elegant/ pretty/fashionable she looks or how it suits her figure/colouring. The moment a grandparent says that, she will know she is deeply out of fashion and never wear the garment again.

We seem to be divided into two groups those that had a misdressed (in adult eyes) youth and those who didn'tgrin

Callistemon Wed 27-Nov-19 16:11:08

I remember my mum buying me some nice full-skirted dresses (think 1950s Sandra Dee) between school and college which I abandoned pdq!
Luckily I had some money from my holiday job and spent it in C&A, although that was a while before the mini skirt came in.

annodomini Wed 27-Nov-19 16:16:28

I think I prefer the mini skirts to the awful ripped jeans my GD favours. As she is now 6th form, she no longer has to wear school uniform but when she did, she, like all other teenage girls, turned over the top of her school skirt. Even if they have to conform within the school building, you can bet that by the time they reach the school gate, the skirts will be several inches shorter. So, OP, your DG is no exception, judging by the sights I see when the local high school kids are walking home.

murrec Wed 27-Nov-19 22:18:02

Thanks all. You’ve been a great help.

Hetty58 Wed 27-Nov-19 22:26:35

Worry about your children - but let them do all the worrying about grandchildren - just enjoy them!

Luckygirl Wed 27-Nov-19 22:41:00

I recently saw a photo of myself when I first started work in my early twenties - how I survived walking around the roughest areas of Brum as a social worker I do not know!!!

Luckygirl Wed 27-Nov-19 22:41:19

My skirt was what is known as a pussy pelmet!

Summerlove Wed 27-Nov-19 23:03:39

I’m so glad you’ve chosen to say nothing OP!

Hithere Thu 28-Nov-19 00:14:33

I am glad too! Accept her as she is