Hi, I'm looking for advice. I'm 34 years old. I've been married for two years, with husband for 10. We have a four month old and live in Italy. I love my in-laws. They are always there when we need them and paid for a good portion of the house we live in (they wanted us to be helped while they're alive now instead of inheriting money). This is our first child, their fourth grandchild, but the others are 10 years and older. Ours was a much anticipated baby.
We live 400 meters away from them and my MIL is frequently walking by on her way to grocery shop and other errands. She comes right up to the windows and looks in to see if I'm home...it's getting me upset because this can be any time during the day and I'm on mat-leave. I want to enjoy this baby fully, as well as the time I have at home. So far, we usually go over for Saturday lunch and then I make an effort to call them over for a visit every other day or I go there. I always call to see what they are doing first. My issue is, my MIL "is just dropping by" on her way to and from places...but we are ALWAYS on the way...I want her to call before coming. The baby sleeps a lot and I breastfeed her a lot. I don't mind them there when I'm feeding her, but they've peered in the windows and knocked on them while I'm on the couch and I have no choice but to get up and unlock the door for them...the baby wakes and cries..this has happened twice. Other times my MIL comes and doesn't knock, but calls my name. I'm usually upstairs with the baby putting her to sleep and I don't hear her. Then the MIL goes home and calls me to see where I've been. The last straw was the other day I closed all of the shutters at 5pm and had a shower..i get out to draw my baby a bath and my in-laws are at the door calling my name softly but not knocking in case they wake the baby. I ignored them and gave my baby a bath. Pissed! I was so angry. .i have told them to call me before coming many times, but they still show up randomly.
The next day my baby and I visited them (i called first) and they were so happy to see us. They said they had come to the door and I told them i had heard them but didnt answer because we were naked and i was too frazzeled in that moment and to please call before...they were like "oh yes, of course! We didn't have the phone with us. We were just stopping by."
How do I get them to understand? Am I being unreasonable or selfish? They see their grandchild every second day...but the close proximity makes me an easy target for an MIL who doesn't drive. I'm pissed because her own daughter doesn't have to deal with this...but in.all fairness the in-laws and all their friends tend to be stopper-by people. I'm sure it's a generational and cultural thjng
But I'm stressed out and want it to stop. My husband agrees but I haven't sent him to speak on my behalf yet. Help!
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