I'm so cross

Hi CG65. I really do sympathise with you both. My DH was a snorer and it was so loud that even if I had moved into the spare room for the night I could still hear him! Eventually he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and given a machine and mask to help his breathing. What a difference it has made. He no longer snores. Problem is, the machine is too noisy for me (I can’t sleep if there’s any noise) so we have reluctantly decided to have separate bedrooms. At least we both get a good nights sleep now and I always pop in for a good night cuddle before I retire to my own little haven! ?

Lol, sorry, but if I was to post on here every time me and my husband muttered ffs about each other I'd be taking the whole site up

I'm so sorry for what has happened. If your husbands snoring is waking you then he needs to seek medical assistance. Snoring can be a sign that he has sleep apnoea, a condition that is dangerous. My husband has it and it took me a long time to get him to GP. He now has a better nights sleep and does not disturb me. Sleep apnoea is when patients, yes qualified nurse, stop breathing as the pipes collapse whilst sleeping, treatment a mask. You are not wrong being upset, but you are both sleep deprived thus a little grumpy. Get a good night's sleep and you will both feel better. I am a poor sleeper and have been for years, I just have an afternoons nap and must admit I feel better. Good luck to you both. Xxx

Both of you are angry. Neither of you want a row. Just wander past him and mumble ffs. You never know you both might smile. You are both doing your best. Don’t bottle it up..let it out so he can accept you magnanimity and grace and forgiveness [

I would guess that he probably doesn't even remember the mutter!
It seems that neither of you sleep that well so may be an idea if you slept in separate bedrooms at least for a while - you wouldn't be the only ones that do that!
As a long term insomniac, I am often downstairs, reading , at 2am. I was advised to do this by my GP rather than tossing and turning for several hours more! So can appreciate the fact about having disturbed sleep.
If you don't want to sleep separately, check that your pillows etc are giving you both the support that you need - do you cough less if your head is raised slightly so you need a firmer pillow? Ditto for your husband's snoring - you can get pillows that are supposed to be anti snore as well!
Lack of sleep is enough to make anyone grouchy - there is nothing "passive aggressive" about it! However did we cope before all the psychologist's mumbo jumbo ?

A lot of this went on in our house too. Me up and down all night, DH snoring incessantly.
He starts work at 4am.
We decided long ago, that separate rooms would be better all round.
He moved into the downstairs bedroom, and I sleep in our old room. It works very well for us.
We both have an Echo debut e by our beds if we need to speak to each other during the night.
I would forgive your husband for his mutterings. I think you need a good talk, and work out how to manage the nocturnal disturbances.

For debut read device.

Yes, you are being over sensitive. Let it go.

I agree. Let it go.
Just decide that you have separate rooms and you'll both get a good nights sleep and life will go on without grudges and grumpiness

Try not to be upset, when we are tired every problem seems insurmountable. If your dgc wears you out you can both snooze on the sofa later. Have a firm understanding as a couple that either one of you may debunk to the spare room for whatever reason and make sure that room is cosy too. But do still attempt to sleep together to retain your intimacy and let dh know this matters to you but if you debunk it is not a big issue, likewise for DH to feel ok to debunk.

You are not being oversensitive but I wouldn't pursue it. Just say for all of your sakes you are sleeping in the spare room as your cough is going to be permanent. My husband and I are in separate rooms. I'm a complete fidget and take ages to fall asleep....I also get very hot. I kick out too! Not a safe thing for my husband as he has bone marrow cancer which weakens his bones. I refuse to be deprived of sleep to which I am entitled. I always got up for the children....it's my turn to zzzz now!! He is 73 I'm 71.

Sleep deprivation is no joke for both of you and you both sound exhausted. It might be worth getting DH to see GP for a referral to see if he has sleep apnoea, very common with anyone who snores especially if it wakes them up several times a time as they stop breathing!. This can then have an effect on heart, brain and other physical health. Worth talking to him about it.

I too have a lung problem which makes me cough.....my daughter doesn't like sharing a room with me when we go away, so I always take a single room. It's not easy for the other person. I really empathise with you and sympathise with your OH. Separate rooms is the answer.
Btw I'm divorced, due to his affair, but not due to my coughing. I wasn't as bad 10 years ago ?

Dear Summerfly, lots of good suggestions here. Just to say that I’ve certainly mumbled FFS under my breath a few (dozen) times, doesn’t mean I don’t love him!

We have had separate bedrooms for a long time. Still have a loving relationship but we certainly sleep better in different rooms. I’ve got my sewing set up in mine, books on the floor wherever I want them, love having a separate room. Plus a very comfortable double bed, no need to be a martyr!

Liked the idea of the Amazon Echo Device to keep in touch with someone in a room downstairs, although just by raising our voices, we can both be heard all over the house! ?

What is ffs?

I'm sure it was a half asleep ff and not aimed at you. For the sake of both your sanities, separate rooms. My parents did the same for years and were much happier.

Make the spare bed tempting by putting an electric over blanket on. They heat up immediately and can stay on all night. 1p per night. Put earplugs or cotton wool in your ears to drown out any noise.

Please can you put" ffs " on the Acronyms list - or maybe I'm right in thinking they would not be acceptable there?

Put your request in under Site Stuff nannamac.

I find that letting a Rennies Sugar-free dissolve on my tongue stops me coughing. Odd really. Perhaps its the slight peppermint taste.

We've had separate rooms for ages. It's one of the benefits of children growing up and moving out. If you want to be intimate, do that first then get up and go to your room before sleep. Or in the morning after you've both had a good sleep :D

I have ffs’d my DH over his snoring - I don’t really mean anything by it, it’s just quicker than exclaiming “I know it’s not your fault at all but I’m just really tired and feeling ratty and frustrated that you’re keeping me awake” and that’s all it meant.
I’ve taken to
The spare room, I love it, we don’t disturb each other, I can read until late, listen to my audio books when I want to, Often at 3am, it’s great.

Annaram1 it is 'for f* * * sake'

We used to squabble bitterly over me having disturbed sleep, I felt quite ill with it all. Husband snores for England but hospital tests ruled out sleep apnoea. He is very overweight though and I was always sliding down the dip he formed in the mattress. He likes a thin duvet, I like a warm one. He'd end up on the sofa. Just incompatible really!
Many years ago I'd had enough and bravely suggested twin beds, to which he agreed like a shot. So we still share a room but each have a 3' bed, pushed together, with our own mattress (firm for him, medium for me) and our own duvet. I still use the Boots wax earplugs and pray they never discontinue them!
We both sleep so much better and wake up happy. Other people thought it most odd but that's not my problem. When we go away we always book a twin room as well, it's just not worth even trying to share a mattress.
Interestingly if I do ever have a restless night now it's usually when the sheets need changing, and I find I sleep better next time with fresh ones on the bed!

Thank you all.
My nocturnal wanderings, as dh and I call them, have been going on ever since we've got together. I've had 24/7 severe RLS for about 40 years. At first I tried to stay in bed all night and lie as still as possible. So, it I is quite common that we start the night together and At some stage I end up in the other room.

Last night I eventually went back to bed in the spare bedroom. At 8.45am dh (up and dressed for the day) came in gently woke me as dgc was due at 8am.