Mean Grandparents

I’m sorry about your situation with your daughter. You must actually be a little stingy yourself buying second hand gifts.

You must actually be a little stingy yourself buying second hand gifts.

What? Why?

I don’t think you need to explain anything to her - families are all different, and that’s ok.
She knows no different from them so it’s not a sudden change, put some extra little things under the tree, she won’t care who it’s from.

Why don't you ask your parents what they would like you to tell their granddaughter about them?

A bit judgemental JMJACAE6 We don't know the OP situation! I have done it myself when I couldn't afford new. I once bought a whole Barbie House, a 3 story affair complete with furniture, lots of various Barbies and Kens! It was like new and cost me a fraction of the price - well actually I couldn't have bought it new. Have also bought sparkling second hand bikes. One of their most favourite was one of the first nintendos. Hardly used. Nothing shameful or stingy in not being in a position to buy new.

I agree with pp. If bulk up a little on your gifts. You could do fun but useful gifts. Not too expensive. My 11 year old dgg loved her pink electric mixer and now can make a cake easily following a recipe. Her hairdryer with sparkles. Fluffy slipper socks. Also Primark is great for a few items like pjs and tops, a handbag.

I never got any gifts from my grandparents, but they used to put money away for me every year and I never wondered why
I didn’t get a present. I never even asked my parents about it, it never occurred to me. I don’t think my parents ever thought to tell me either, until I was much older. I just accepted that
I didn’t get a present from my grandparents.

2 nd hand gifts are great for ecology reasons. JMJACA it is not stingy ,it is eminently sensible

Have you thought of ‘adopting’ a grandparent? There are lots of elderly people who feel isolated and lonely and would love to be involved in a family. Gifts aren’t necessarily important but spending time and showing and interest in your daughter’s life could benefit both sides.
In the meantime, don’t give up on your parents. Give them every opportunity to be involved - school sports days, concerts, outings etc. They may not change but you will have done the right thing. I really don’t think you should speak badly of them to your daughter, any chance of a better relationship could be lost if she is influenced by negative comments. I can understand how upsetting the situation is for you and I feel sorry that your parents are missing out on the joy of having grandchildren. However, you’re obviously a loving and caring Mum and that’s the most important thing in your child’s life.

And secondhand is very fashionable.

And doesnt always cost less. New band teeshirt: £40, secondhand: £200

& much more in vogue than "new tat"

I saw a gift list recently that specified charity shop gifts only.

For some inexplicable reason my mother had 4 children but she was not a good mother. She never showed kindness or love, didn’t attend parents evenings and I was quite scared of her. She was even less interested in her grandchildren never babysat or chatted to them when she (very occasionally) visited. I am there always for youngest DGD (only one who lives close by) and it’s just lovely.

I grew up in a similar situation. I think honesty is the best policy. My Sister actually says “ Some people are meant to be Parents and Grandparents and some aren’t “ . My memories are of the issue being covered up when it’s painfully obvious it’s there. Maybe booking a treat and telling her Grandparents that you have included them too and it won’t work without their participation?

Do your parents know about inheritance tax and where will they leave their money? They must be wealthy after inheriting money and are in danger of giving the Gov. a sizeable amount, when it could go to family.
Personally, I can't stand meanness. My grandchildren get allowances; holidays as treats, school fees etc.. It gives me pleasure to treat them and for God's sake, you can't take it with you.

It seems really unnatural to me, especially when I think how besotted I am with my own GC. I think at least trying to be a good GP is the right and proper thing to do. Maybe you have some older friends who would love to be 'surrogate' grandparents. We had some friends who seemed to fulfil this role when my mother was being 'off' with us for an extended time and we lived some distance away. It was a nice, happy relationship, fulfilling a need on both sides.

Every grandparent is different. It is not a competition.

I rather think my grandchildren’s other grandparents are exceedingly over-generous, which may make my gifts look minimal in comparison, but I am inclined to think the amount I spend is good enough. I am not mean. My grandchildren are over- indulged.
At least your parents do give gifts of some sort, even if they get it wrong. I would make a bit of a joke about it, rather than say something nasty.

If your parents live close to you, maybe you can take your daughter round to her grandparent’s house? Maybe, try taking her over once every 2 weeks and spend some time with them. Is there something your mom can teach your daughter such as knitting? Or do a puzzle with your father? Have your daughter interact with some of their interests. Just a thought.

Oh such a shame really. As I was reading this was thinking how l would love a grandchild to spoil rotten! My husband and I share his step granddaughters but they're in Perth Australia! I often imagine taking my grandchildren to the artisan market or pantomime etc. Don't focus on the stingeyness they offer but instead help her by being extra kind and loving as you already do. Good luck!