Should I cancel

And Langy11? NO, you're not being selfish either,DON'T let your son guilt-trip you,its not your fault it hasn't worked out for your son,relationship wise, and you are entitled to a life of your own,or even just some peace& quiet.its he who is being selfish,making all these plans and expecting you to go along with everything? Is it possible for you to discuss the alternate weekends plan with your GD's mother instead then? Explain you need the time for your study,you dont need to tell her your date plans,also time for your own child.(whom also may feel like their own home is being 'taken over' a bit?)

Go??

I’m afraid I wouldn’t go - but I wouldn’t cancel either. I’d speak to my friend and tell them that unless the surgery is cancelled again, I wouldn’t go. That gives the friend a chance to invite someone else on the understanding that they were “back-up”.
Sorry to be at odds with everyone else on this, but we all have to do what we feel is best.

Also,(Langy11 again) whats wrong with your son taking his daughter out on the saturday,on their own, before returning her to her mum,so youve your Saturday free? Or getting the bus or the occasional actual taxi rather than treat you like one? Its not you whose run his debts up,its not you whose the cause of his break up,(doesnt matter who,or what is) im sure its not you though) you are the one whose helping him,but now hes taking the mick,put a stop to it now,or hes going to guilt trip you forever,for whatever he wants in life. and why should you have your whole weekends disrupted,while his ex has every weekend child free,to herself to do as she pleases,or put her feet up,etc while you take over? Yes,its your GC,yes,you love to see her,BUT,your not her mum,and none of this is down to you! Stop being guilt tripped,and put your foot down,and help your son make some kind of 'payment arrangements' for debts,then to start saving towards his own place again,even rented,name on housing list,whatever? you dont say if hes working,but if so help him sort it all practically,but tell him its to be a shorter term thing with you,and look towards that.if youre happy to have him long term,tell him it MUST be every other wkend ONLY-and dont give in.Good luck.let us know how you get on.

Notspaghetti? Youre being ridiculous,the lady obviously wants to go,she just needs it confirming by us on here that shes made right choice! Its not unheard of for people to do separate things,but it just so happens that the one thing her husbands doing is a medical one,cant be helped,and her hubby has TOLD HER to go,so go she should.as i said,with hospital transport,she may even be home before him anyway,so why should she sit in all day waiting doing nothing if her hubby gave her his blessing already

Go, you will only resent the whole situation if you don't.
After running around looking after your husband until he recovers you will have deserved a little reward. You will hopefully have memories of a lovely afternoon to sustain you through the tedium of being a carer, however temporary.

Im on fire with good advice today! Its amazing what being ill at christmas can do for your perspective!

go, enjoy take a photo or signed book home for hubby,

Go and enjoy. As others have said the operation could be cancelled again. He will be well taken care of by your son I'm sure.

Well that's decided, you have to go.

I've read all her books, the St Mary's books are awesome, have a cup of tea for me while you're there.

Yes,its akin to you just popping to town for a few bits really,you'll only be gone a short while,if you had your own medical or dental stuff on same day they'd all go "oh you must take care of yourself first"- well this is just the same- you need it for your own well being so you can fulfil what's necessary in the days/ wks following his surgery.-so are we all agreed she's going then?Good.

It's a foot operation. Nothing too serious that he can't wait to see you until later in the evening. You aren't leaving him to the wolves. Enjoy!

Absolutely go. I understand that you probably feel guilty because you’re thinking of leaving him for a few hours (I know this because it’s exactly how I’d feel) but try not to be guilt tripped. He’ll be in good hands, not left alone, and he’ll be pleased to see you when you get back.

Not selfish at all eldest son is there can have nice bonding time till you get back which probably won’t be much later anyways x

You go it’s only a couple of hours and you will be back for him.

I would explain the situation to my friend so she perhaps had a backup. But wouldn't cancel. Yes it might be delayed again and his discharge might be put back, also the way hospital transport works you might be home for hours before he turns up!

is the day you are going able to be changed? If not how does your hubby feel. you'll be home shortly after he gets back and your son can hold the fort until then

It would be a shame to miss

You are not being selfish, of course you should go and enjoy it.

Definitely NOT a snidey remark Nannan2, just my opinion, which is what OP asked for! I do wish JeannieB44 all the best. If she'd been sure she wouldn't have posted, would she?

What everyone else said, your son will be there to look after your husband so no problem.
Why are women programmed to feel guilty ?
Enjoy your afternoon JeannieB

Hope you really enjoy it!

I understand the guilt, but go. If there was no one home to be with him when he arrives that would be different. Hope you enjoy it.

Nannan2 - if everyone only posted what people wanted to hear, what's the point?
I simply made a suggestion based on what I would do.
And my husband would also "tell me" to go as he's the kindest and most generous man I know.
.... having a different view isn't illegal and the original poster is unlikely to be unduly influenced by me anyway.
If you do go, JeannieB44 I hope you have a lovely time.
Either way, I hope your husband's operation goes well and that he has a speedy recovery.

Nannan2, my post was in response to Jeannie, I do not recall asking you to comment, if I was impolite I could tell you to wind your neck in, however, this is the season of goodwill, so I shall say happy new year instead.

I was going to say don't go, I wouldn't, but then i'll never get that opportunity, so it's not a fair comparison.
I cant imagine even wanting to do anything, go anywhere without my LO, but this is your situation.
on reflection, I guess if you want to, and he doesn't mind, go. if it's major surgery, guess he will be in-patient, in which case things rarely go to plan, and what with waiting for medication and for transport, doubt he'll be home before late evening anyway. you might as well go to tea.
when I support neighbour for out-patient appts, we rarely get back before 7pm; was 10.30pm, 9pm, and 8pm the week before xmas.
got one tomorrow, noon; shall I open a book on eta back.
i'll be optimistic and open the betting at 6.30pm.
hosp is 20 mins drive away, but of course rush -hour can make that 60 mins, and we often have to pick/drop others en route. come to think of it, NYE, better say 7pm.