No kissing my baby

Poor you! I fully understand although you are perhaps creating ill feeling between your in=laws and yourself. I say your baby, your rules and they should respect it! I didn't like my in-laws smoking in the same room. They smoked very heavily but they continued, I think to spite me, with total disregard for their (then) only grandchild and her tiny lungs. They did this until their own daughter had her son then suddenly gave up smoking altogether!

Wow, Newatthis, everybody here goes outside to smoke and would refuse to take a baby into a smoky room.

As I replied (way back) Naty is not being unreasonable - in this particular case - but I do think that she has serious problems though.

As GoldenAge said, 'obsessive behaviour' in general. Naty has written several (very) long posts about problems with her inlaws. I don't know whether she has followed any of the advice given.

It's strange to keep posting on Gransnet (at such length), to refuse to answer the simple question of where she is from, to state that she loves her inlaws yet be so negative about them.

Naty is either unwell with anxiety - or a wind up!

As paediatric nurse and wife of a doctor, I think you are being way too restrictive. Avoiding kissing a baby when developing a cold sore or when one is obvious is common sense, but reading that you are worried about adult saliva and your babies future dental caries is stepping into obsession. Have you travelled much? In Asia and parts of Africa, babies and kids are born on the streets...some live in the gutter. The majority survive. In this country in the 70s some mums would breast feed each others children when babysitting. If you wrap your baby in tissue paper now, she will have fewer antibodies when she starts school. At that point you don’t have control over what she puts in her mouth or who kisses her. Quite possible a child in her class cold kiss her with a full cold sore...You are going to have a tough time if you don’t loosen the protective strings a bit. You seem to think your in-laws have no experience bringing up kids....didn’t they raise your husband? Isn’t he ok? Some new mums can be a tad arrogant....your mum in law raised a family....you have one newish baby....maybe give a nod to her more extensive experience....rather than assume they are stubborn...put yourself in their shoes....which in a few years you may well be.

Is my memory playing tricks- or did she say that she lives in Italy, very close to in-laws who helped buy the house???

Thank you, Moth62 I need to sort things out to make sure I don't get too stressed out.

How about thanking Solonge for comments and advice backed up with medical experience not to mention all those who are discerning a much deeper-lying MIL/DIL. relationship problem. Or does OP only reactto those who agree with her?

”There, there, of course you are right”

This states the risk - you’re being wise.
www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&ved=2ahUKEwiboNz0-f7mAhUBZMAKHRtLASEQFjABegQICxAE&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nhs.uk%2Fconditions%2Fneonatal-herpes%2F&usg=AOvVaw2RZTehLmkuKXErzfQWWNId

Hi Hetty58 I didn't answer the question because I don't want people's naive or stereotypical ideas of Italians to muddy the waters. I'm Canadian. The in-laws are Italian. I've been with DH for ten years and after the birth of our baby is when I started having my own issues with them.

I am on Gransnet to ask questions about the TWO issues I've had with them. I haven't had other issues, but conspiracy theories are definitely interesting. Plus, I'm not on Gransnet to gush about how great they are in other ways, otherwise the post would be far too long .

I write long essays because I'm a natural communicator and I want to be detailed with the people responding to my post.

So how do you think you are going to proceed now naty?

Hi MawB I think you might be a little too invested in this thread...

I have responded to people who are critical to me, including you several times.

Good link- the effects of the herpes virus are not widely known. Especially when it comes to young babies with low.immune systems

Hi Chewbacca, I don't think I have to do anything. I read a commenter talk about me not having to justify myself or I would reinforce the idea that I need their approval.

But...

I've sent everyone (including my family) a group text with a gentle request to not kiss the baby and to wash her hands if she touches anybody's mouth and they all seem to be on the same page.

SIL wrote "okay, we'll be careful"

And the MIL has since talked about how she hasn't been ill in years and talking about her family history (but never brought up her kids or husband's HSV1 status). She still doubts the severity of herpes, though...so I MIGHT have to print out a document from an official resource on this and give it to her. But for now, I think I'll let it be?
She was holding the baby and giving her kisses on her clothes and not her skin.
When the baby reached for her face/mouth, she said "no sweetie" and smiled while moving her face away.

The baby will have a 6 month appointment with a pediatrician (who came in from smoking a cigarette and DID NOT wash his hands and then proceeded to give my 3 month old baby a full exam complete with spreading her labia!) and I'll ask him about the severity of herpes just to make the in-laws happy. Oh! But I'm also going to change pediatricians because of that!

But I'M crazy, right?



Since the original post, I've been out with the in-laws and had lunch with them and invited them over to see the baby.

If they need reminding, I will remind them. But they for sure will not forget this episode, as it's been the only real conflict I've ever had with them.

If the in-laws have active outbreaks, I'll hold my child and say "sorry, not today" if they want to hold her.

When hubs has an outbreak, he just won't kiss her and will limit direct contact for a bit with lots of hand washing.

I hope these posts are not too long! I wouldn't want to be accused of being insane.

"She wrote herself MAD"

Thanks for the responses. All of them!

Wishing you all the best. You sound like a lovely mum. Especially as it's a naturally very stressful time.

19
Hi MawB I think you might be a little too invested in this thread
Invested? Really ? ,
Au contraire, I am agog with indifference. I agree with the poster who said you could have summed up your problem in a short paragraph instead of chapter and verse...and verse... and verse...and verse...ad infinitum ..

You must like reading this masterpiece, because you're still here, MawB

Everyone is cross if people drip feed...
Still, you can't please everyone.

MAWB Can't you end this interesting thread on a nice note? ???

My baby daughter ended up with an horrendous bout of this. It was all in the roof of her mouth. She couldn't eat and drinking was painful

My GP said she hadn't seen such a bad case

She was such a good baby. One night, 2am to be exact, we were sat in bed. She couldn't sleep. So I sang to her and rocked her.

I saw a lone tear fall down her cheek and I burst into tears

But we got through it.

She never had it again

Was this passed on by a member of the family?

Who knows.

Nobody that was in contact with her had a cold sore

So what I am attempting to say is children can get all manner of things.

And we'll not necessarily know where from

Maw - honestly, I am beginning to think 'someone is trolling here' honestly (no, not you.)

Oopsminty, I've always worried about people sitting young babies in supermarket trolley seats (where they can touch the main handle) and think it's very unhygienic. That said, mother and baby or toddler groups seem universally popular and must be ideal germ-exchanging environments.

Naty has mentioned several times in past posts that she's Canadian but then didn't want to say it here - not that we've forgotten. She said that MIL will look after the baby when she goes back to work (at 14 months) too!

On November 28th, Naty posted about MIL dropping in unannounced. Just two days later, she wanted advice as she was unhappy with her career and 'should be making a lot more money'. She said she has a Batchelors Degree in Psychology and is a teacher.

This leaves me somewhat puzzled - as she also worried that her Italian may prevent her from explaining things properly to MIL. I fail to see how it all adds up!

Hetty58, that's all quite baffling!

No idea what's going on there

Your comment re: supermarket trollies and Mums and Toddler groups is spot on

All those grubby toys being sucked on. Sticky fingers ... sticky with who knows what! All being passed around. It's amazing they manage to stay healthy!

Hotbed for passing on cold sores

We can't protect unless we live in a bubble

How what adds up, Sherlock?

Nothing baffling that I can see.

Jura 2 it's obvious you are referring to my comment regarding MAWB
Still cannot fathom out why some of you on here are just not nice. Complaining because the writer hasn't got chance to say thank you to everyone!! And now you referring to my comment as trolling. Like I've written I have found this thread very interesting and will pass info onto my daughter. As the writer Naty is a new mum wouldn't it be nice just to end this thread on a nice positive note? Hell yes! But going forward Please keep your unjustified snide remarks to yourself. Enjoy your evening

Solonge a sensible post, although I do not agree with babies being kissed on the mouth by anyone at all - even mother. They will come across germs unless they are kept away from everyone and need to build up some resistance.

Naty have you lived in Italy for over 10 years but you are still not able to communicate in the language?
Perhaps if you learn to speak the language fluently it may help with your communication problems, especially if you intend going back to work.

Someone recommended online courses on another thread.