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(82 Posts)
Annie221 Sun 09-Feb-20 19:05:17

I have watched one grandchild who is starting school this year. My other daughter wants me to take her children now till they go to school. I said I wanted time to meslf but I feel so guilty now x

Norah Sun 09-Feb-20 19:07:52

Refuse to accommodate her. Don't make yourself miserable.

GrannyGravy13 Sun 09-Feb-20 19:20:26

Depending on what you feel is more important.........?

Ilovecheese Sun 09-Feb-20 19:31:42

You have absolutely no need to feel guilty, don't let anyone try to imply that not wanting to childmind means that you love your family less, because that is just not true.

MissAdventure Sun 09-Feb-20 20:56:19

You've done the most difficult part, so don't feel guilty at all.

Its natural to want and need time to yourself.

dragonfly46 Sun 09-Feb-20 21:17:41

It is hard if you have done it for one daughter though and not the other!

MissAdventure Sun 09-Feb-20 21:20:05

Yes, but people age, things change.. things don't sometimes work out exactly the same as they were before.

SisterAct Sun 09-Feb-20 21:22:53

Dragonfly, I totally agree

How often is your daughter asking you to have the children ? How many children does she have ? Could u perhaps do a day a week ?

Urmstongran Sun 09-Feb-20 21:25:31

3+ years is a big commitment. Was childcare discussed before these grandchildren were born? What was the plan here?

sodapop Sun 09-Feb-20 21:43:55

Could you reach some compromise with your daughter and look after the children for part of the time. I agree its difficult when you have helped another daughter, but you do deserve some time for your own life.

Hetty58 Sun 09-Feb-20 21:47:15

I looked after the first grandchild - in fact, he lived with me until he went to secondary school.

Then, I said 'Been there, done that, got the t-shirt - so don't ask!' I think that's perfectly fair.

Having brought up four of my own, I'm now only available for occasional babysitting and holiday sleepovers!

rosenoir Sun 09-Feb-20 22:10:28

You may have a few days of feeling guilty, not warranted in my opinion,but that is nothing compared to 3+years of commitment leading to resentment.

fatgran57 Mon 10-Feb-20 05:12:37

I am 69, OH is 67 I have only been retired for 2 years.

This week school has gone back and we have pick up today and tomorrow and drop off Wednesday plus pick up for other lot Wednesday afternoon.

We often say to one another that we are grandparents not childminders and it does limit what we can do each day - we either have to go out early to be home for after school or go out after drop off. We enjoy going out for lunch or shopping quite often and didn't think our retirement would be so tied up.

OH did lay down the law a while ago re school holidays - he told them we would not be available anymore during the holidays as it was working out that we NEVER had a break - in fact we had to do more minding during holidays and I found it just too tiring.

Resentment can certainly be felt and rightly so - these are not our children, we did our time raising our own lot and we just don't really want to be tied down for quite a few years as youngest is 3 and eldest is 10.

NfkDumpling Mon 10-Feb-20 06:35:18

Watching one child is one thing, but you said your other DD’s children, so you could use that as an excuse to say you can’t manage more than one - at your age! But so as not to cause family upsets perhaps a compromise of one or two days a week? A lot depends on the children and how often - and whether you feel up to the task.

Sara65 Mon 10-Feb-20 07:51:00

It’s tricky, I looked after my youngest daughters children on my day off till they started school, I was really looking forward to reclaiming the day, when she announces she’s pregnant again!

I love them all, and am getting pleasure from having the little one, but it means my only time off is child minding. If she announces another happy event, which wouldn’t surprise me, I’m not sure I’d want to commit to another five years.

Flowerofthewest Mon 10-Feb-20 10:05:33

You must have time to yourself. No need to feel guilty. It's bloomin hard work. Stick to your guns girl x

luluaugust Mon 10-Feb-20 10:08:07

Over the years I have come to realise that it takes a long time for our darling AC to realise what being over 65 means, they have no idea, how could they. Annie 221 you have done the right thing for you and even in this short thread so far we can see that others struggle a bit however much they love the GC. This business of taking on other GC because you looked after another one takes no account of the passing of time.

Harris27 Mon 10-Feb-20 10:08:42

Don’t feel guilty though you probably will. Hope your other daughter sees things your way.

jaylucy Mon 10-Feb-20 10:09:15

You started something by taking care of one grandchild and you may find that it will cause resentment with this daughter if you say a flat no.
Maybe you could come to an agreement that you care for the child/children a certain number of days a week so that you do have some time for yourself, on the other days. Try and make sure that your "days off" are at least 2 days together so that you feel that you have had a break.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 10-Feb-20 10:09:51

Unless your health is much poorer now than it was when you took on the first grandchild, I would in your place offer to take the others one day a week.

There is a difference between looking after one grandchild and two or more at the same time.

Can your daughter not afford child care?

Scottie10 Mon 10-Feb-20 10:09:56

There is a reason we have children in our 20s 30s..we are young enough to run after later levels are not the same..and you deserve your own time...plz do not feel guilty..

granbabies123 Mon 10-Feb-20 10:13:29

Hope it doesn't cause jealousy between daughters that you had one but not the others' children. I agree entirely though. You need a life whilst you're still fit enough to enjoy. Good luck.

janzicb1 Mon 10-Feb-20 10:13:45

We looked after my husbands grandsons one day a week after nursery and then school from the ages of three until they went to big school at 11. It was a commitment but for only one day a week and emergencies and it worked out well but it was for quite a few years. We saw them grow each week and our connection to them is wonderful now they are teenagers I think you could perhaps come to a compromise if one day could help?

Thecatshatontgemat Mon 10-Feb-20 10:13:53

Don't feel guilty, stick to your guns.
One life to live, so go and live it.
Enjoying your freedom whilst you still have your health, to do as you please, should surely be what your daughter would want for you, rather than selfishly tying you down to childcare that is not actually your responsibility.....??

Mollygo Mon 10-Feb-20 10:18:55

It’s a big commitment. If you feel able, offer one day that suits you, otherwise stick to your decision.
We childmind from 7.30am then drop off at school at 8.55 and pick up at 3pm every day then child mind (and feed) till 5.30 which means we are incredibly tied. My OH loves it but though I love my GC I sometimes resent the limitations it imposes!