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21st Birthday Money for Grandson

(81 Posts)
Sparkling Sun 14-Jun-20 22:28:43

My only grandson will be 21 and is expecting a big cheque. I have the money as no holiday this year like everyone. How much do you think is a decent amount. He had a big 18th but expects the same for his 21st. Although it's not the moved as such it's the expectation. Thank you.

merlotgran Sun 14-Jun-20 22:34:02

I don't think anyone should expect a big cheque or whatever for their 21st if they had a generous present for their 18th.

Coolgran65 Sun 14-Jun-20 22:40:57

You might write a carefully worded chatty message in his card on the lines of ..... Such changed times. Here we are, you are 21 already. In my day we had to wait until 21 for the big birthday

MissAdventure Sun 14-Jun-20 22:42:48

"But you had yours at 18.
In light of the above, here's a tenner" grin

MissAdventure Sun 14-Jun-20 22:50:16

Seriously, though, I've no idea what a big cheque would be.
What you can comfortably afford, I suppose.

Coolgran65 Sun 14-Jun-20 22:52:35

Oops posted too soon.....
Please add.
"""But you already got to enjoy yours at 18. Happy 21st birthday. Know I love you. Big hugs etc etc """""

Grandmafrench Sun 14-Jun-20 23:12:45

This sounds quite difficult, especially as he is your only Grandchild and you do stress his "expectation", so I think you might struggle because of this. And if you are going to gift him money - I wonder what HE is expecting? It's very hard to give a gift to someone if you are going to have to worry what is their acceptable figure for a 21st. So much depends on your own view and circumstances, because it's hardly a bill you are paying! I honestly think that it would be so much easier to consider a present rather than money, especially if he had a big bash for his 18th. Can you not speak to his parents and find out if there are any things that he would love to have as a gift, then you can consider your budget, make the choice and surprise him? Otherwise, and if you find out from his parents that money is your only option, it's probably best if you decide on a figure for yourself - I'm sure you'll be very generous, you're his Gran - and hope that all your kindness is really appreciated.

Oopsminty Sun 14-Jun-20 23:16:08

How much did you give him for his 18th?

It's hard to say without knowing circumstances

To some, £100 would be a 'big cheque', to others £1000 might be the norm.

Babyshark Sun 14-Jun-20 23:25:14

Could his parents help manage his expectations? What makes you think he expects a generous cheque? It’s pretty poor if he has made his expectations known and I’d have thought his parents might have challenged that sort of entitled behaviour.

Grammaretto Sun 14-Jun-20 23:32:17

It's tricky isn't it. I wonder what the big 18th present was. A big party?
You can't match that.
What does he need? What would he like?
Something towards travel when that becomes possible?.
Have his portrait painted by a good artist?

I bought DD a good camera for her 21st which she promptly smashed. She actually let a stranger take a picture with it of her and her friends. The stranger dropped it.

Callistemon Sun 14-Jun-20 23:44:40

Either Or!

It's a bit unfair on parents and grandparents, isn't it, since they changed coming of age to 18 but DC and DGC somehow still expect a special celebration and present for their 21st too.

Premium Bonds? With a message "hope you win a million"!

shysal Mon 15-Jun-20 09:37:32

I had the same dilemma this year with the eldest of 6 GCs I explained to him that as he had already had a larger than normal amount for his 18th, he would be getting an only slightly larger than normal sum for his 21st.

Pittcity Mon 15-Jun-20 10:09:13

They really shouldn't "expect" anything more than your love.
Go with your gut and bank balance. If you are happy with your decision your family should be too.

4allweknow Mon 15-Jun-20 10:10:45

Very few 21st birthdays are celebrated now like they used to be. 18 is the big birthday bash as parties with alcohol can be arranged. Your GS sounds utterly spoiled making his expectation of yet another big gift known. Surely his parents can tell him he is being unreasonable in expecting yet another big gift. A card and an Amazon voucher for £50 would be what he would get from me.

Lesley60 Mon 15-Jun-20 10:16:21

I have 7 grandkids and all of them appreciate whatever I give them, I always receive a phone call to thank me.
I give them all £50 for their birthdays and £100 for an 18th my ex husband gives the same, they would never expect more and to be honest it would be tough luck if they did

jaylucy Mon 15-Jun-20 10:22:17

Sorry, "he expects a big cheque" why ?
If he had one for his 18th, I really don't see why he should expect another for his 21st! It's either or in my book!
I suggest you let him know that as he had a large donation to his fund, you don't feel that you can give him another for his 21st but may be happy to help him with something towards a car or house /flat deposit.
But I have to wonder if he actually has said that he expects a cheque or is it just that you think that the 21st is still celebrated (it hasn't really since I was that age, the only reason I had both parties is because my next door neighbour that I knew well, collapsed and died on the actual day!) A quiet chat with his parents might help.

crazygranny Mon 15-Jun-20 10:23:18

How do you know that he is expecting a big cheque, Sparkling?

grannyscott Mon 15-Jun-20 10:23:35

For 21st birthdays I always bought Premium Bonds £100 or whatever denomination you can afford.

timetogo2016 Mon 15-Jun-20 10:28:32

He sounds like a spoult brat to me.
No-one should expect anything from anyone.
And you have already given him an 18th cheque,that would be that as far as i am concerned.

Callistemon Mon 15-Jun-20 10:36:23

The minimum number of premium bonds you can buy was reduced to 25 last year.

So you could buy him £25 worth with a card saying 'Here's hoping you receive a big fat cheque. No more presents after 21!'

polnan Mon 15-Jun-20 10:38:41

how interesting.. I agree with most of the comments

How do you know?

what is big?


gillybob Mon 15-Jun-20 10:41:53

I agree with oopsminty it’s an impossible question to answer without knowing your own financial circumstances . I have 4 DGC ranging from 14 to 2 . I would love to be able to give them more than I do but finances won’t allow. Just go with what you think . They shouldn’t equate love with £££££

Romola Mon 15-Jun-20 10:46:07

Well, I suppose as the only grandchild, he would be a pampered prince!
As he's already had a big cheque for his 18th, should he be expecting another for his 21st? Just maybe a bit more than usual.
My feeling would be to say that you'd be hoping to help in future if he is in a position to buy a flat, for instance.

RosesAreRed21 Mon 15-Jun-20 10:58:34

I remember my step daughter asking us before her 18th how much we were going to give her - took the edge of it to be honest

Charleygirl5 Mon 15-Jun-20 11:01:47

It is the expectation of a large amount which would irritate me. I would be going down the route that times are very hard nowadays and how lucky you could afford to give him £x for his 18th. and pop in a tenner in the envelope.