21st Birthday Money for Grandson

I stopped buying or giving money as gifts after my grankids 18th birthday. I found that the grankids only seemed to visit around the time of their birthday or xmas time.
I did however give my older grandaughter a large cheque to go towards her wedding.

Agree with those saying he is an entitled brat. How come his parents haven't stepped in and called him into line? Perhaps because they've created this problem. Sorry to sound angry but if he was mine I'd be so ashamed.

If you are financially comfortable giving him the same amount as you gave him for his 18 th then go ahead and do it.
TBH in our family it’s 18th that is special and then all other birthdays are ‘normal’ ones.
It’s a bit worrying that he has said that he expects a big cheque, that would make me do the exact opposite.

Give him whatever you gave him for his 18th. A bit of spoiling from his nana isn't going to ruin his character for life.

I think Callistemon has suggested the brilliant solution. £100 worth of premium bonds. Kids of today are so greedy in demanding huge gifts for 18th and then again at 21. Just give what you think is acceptable and if he doesn’t like it, it’s tough. A relative of mine was 18 recently and her gifts were elaborate. I just sent her £40 because that’s all I could afford. I gave her brother a lovely bottle of aftershave last year when he was 21 which cost a little over that amount, but in lockdown I’m unable to go shopping. She thanked me for it but I expect she would’ve liked a bigger sum.

How do you know he is expecting a big check? Did gs tell you? His parents?

He can expect all he wants, it doesn't mean he is going to get all he wants. He will learn that sooner rather than later

I have 6 grandchildren (18-36) and 7 great grandchildren (5 months-8) and have a system, which all the family know.

Grandchildren £50 each birthday and Christmas, up to 18.
Great grandchildren £25 each birthday and Christmas.
£100 at 18. £1000 at 21. Nothing more until a 0 birthday when they get £50. All the family seem quite happy with the system which is totally fair.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I understand what everyone is saying but at the end of the day its what youfeel best doing. If you feel he is being ungrateful or demanding tell him its ^another ^special birthday and replicate his substantial 18th. Otherwise he is your only grandson so go ahead and spoil him!

If you didn’t give him a big cheque for his birthday, would he let the disappointment show? Would he ‘cut you out’ of his life? What’s the worst that would happen?

Honestly, if he got a big cheque for his 18th birthday that's it.

No-one should expect a present ever.

I would buy him a pair of cuff links or the like for his birthday and telll him you wanted to give him something that will last as a memento of his grandma.

Just give what you can afford with love. It doesn't really matter that you gave a larger gift than normal for his 18th, you should do what you want.My niece is 18 this year and I will probably give her £100 plus a small gift then give her a largest amount when she is 21. I am lucky ( ie worked hard) to have enough money for my own needs and enjoy treating my own family and my sisters two children.

You do rather stress the 'expectation' aspect of this Sparkling I wonder if his family and you have encouraged him in this.
I gave all my grandchildren the choice, did they want 18 or 21 to be their coming of age and celebrated accordingly just the once.

I gave my granddaughter a generous gift plus money last year for her 18 th and never had a thank you, so I am not inclined to give her anything this year. She is a student but has been working for two months now. I might look for something small, under £20 online but am using isolation as my excuse.

Has he actually said what he is expecting? Give the amount you want to give that does not cause you resentment.

'Expecting' would be an absolute no no for me and I would absolutely manage a card only. However, if you really love him for himself and want to give him something the figure of £210 pops into my head.

I don’t know what happened to the rest of my post. I would say to the OP that at 21 he should have no expectations. Give him whatever you want, or nothing, if 18 is your cut off. He had his big birthday at 18 when he came of age.

Just what you really want to give him, no more no less. If you can afford it and you don't have to consult anybody else, you can even 'spoil' him a little. That's the last of the important birthdays anyway so please yourself and never feel you haven't done enough, as I don't think youngsters (and their parents) give money the same value as we do.

Before he is expecting a large cheque or whatever, must be spoilt, and nobody to blame but yourself

Aside from expectations- holy entitlement!

A little but off topic: I remember my grandmother giving grandchildren money as presents (no expectations on my end and I was thankful for it).
Her mind got stuck in a different era where the prices were much lower than the current ones.

This off topic does not justify your gs' attitude at all.

Clarification, I wasn't clear enough in my post above: grandma would give is X, which was huge in her generation, 20+ years ago.

In the then current economy, it had a third or 4th of the value of the original intended value she thought she was gifting us.

I am not saying that's the case in this post. Just a semi off topic thought

As the years go by, I am giving more and more to my children and children. It's nice to see them enjoying the money now. And besides, this is when they need it. I don't have lavish needs. My regular holiday companions are either too ill or too old to share holidays with me so that's gone out of the window and I'm not a "singles" person.
So Sparkling, give as much as you are comfortable with....depending on your age and your needs.

I’d give whatever you’re comfortable with, and maybe say now that it’s the last one ( if you intend to stop giving)

And, incidentally, sparkling didn’t say he was her only grandchild. He’s her only grandson, so there may be granddaughters!

the trouble is that us grandparents tend to be over generous when they are small and are slow on pulling in the purse strings when we and they get older.

Tigerdove. Good that the family know where they stand but with an 18 year difference the value of the money will be considerably less.

Perhaps a note in his birthday card saying it’s lucky that he celebrated his coming of age three years ago. So much better than in the current situation.

Premium bonds are a good idea (I’ve just won £25 on some bought when I was a baby!). He can always cash them if he prefers.