Feelings of a new grandma

My first grandchild is due later this year and my DS and DiL have just moved in with my DiL's parents. They will live there until after the baby is born, then soon after that they will be moving overseas as DS has a new job. I'm resigned to being a long distance granny, at least for the first few years. They plan to return to the UK after 2 or 3 years but that's a long time to wait. Although I'd love to be nearer I realise it is out of my control. I know the other grandparents will see the baby first and have more time in the early days, but we all get on really well and I'm sure I'll be included as much as is practical. I live quite a long way away too. It would be difficult to visit without staying over so I just hope that will be possible by the time the baby is due.
When my children were young they saw their paternal grandparents regularly, partly because they were more pushy and partly because they only lived about 70 miles away. My own mum lived over 200 miles away, didn't drive and was in poor health so she only saw us once or twice a year. At the time I didn't really think too much about how she felt about how little she saw us. She had other GC living nearby but she was the paternal GP and she definitely lost out there as the maternal gandma was very close to her DD and my mum only saw them fairly infrequently. I regret not making more of an effort to see her more as my children didn't have as close a relationship with her as with my in-laws but that was just the way it was.
If you all live close I'm sure you'll see your new GC much more than my mum saw my two. Making yourself available for babysitting will go a long way as well as a willingness to help when asked and NOT offering advice UNLESS ASKED! My in-laws were demanding, interfering and at times missed out because they wanted to see us on their terms without considering that we had our own lives to lead and what they wanted wasn't always convenient for us! Be flexible, patient and do it their way and things will work out I'm sure.
Hoping your DGD is soon well and safely home and you don't have to wait too long to see your GC. and Congratulations!

Sorry I've posted twice - not sure how that happened but not sure how to remove!

Nansnet has got it spot on. I'm a paternal grandmum and of course I felt it when my dil's parents got to go into hospital as soon as my first granddaughter was born whereas we had to wait until they came home with the baby.

But I've looked after my granddaughter for one day a week since she was 9 months old and we've got a great relationship.

Also as a child my mum's mum lived with us but I still adored my dad's mum and dad and saw them regularly and had a wonderful relationship even as an adult.

You will get the chance to build your own relationship with your grandchildren in time. Everyone will be dreadfully anxious at the moment while the little girl is poorly but you can't protect your son from that, only be there for all of them and remember your dil's mum will be feeling just as worried and anxious. Maybe you can be in touch with each other and offer mutual support. But never let on you feel envious.

Ps my grandson was born in March so I couldn't hold him or even see him other than at a distance for 3 months but my dil tells me he hears my.voice on the phone and smiles.

Your time will come but most importantly offer unconditional support (as best you can in the current situation) to the new parents who will be in a state of dreadful anxiety about their daughter as well as the usual chaos after a new birth.

Hoping you get good news about your granddaughter soon

Put together a lovely new mum pack just for your DIL, baby magazine, hand cream, eye cooling mask, small sweets/chocs. Be friendly, ring her when you know it's not a busy time and ask how things are, try not to always just speak to your son.
Try not to show jealousy of maternal Grandmother. Try and be friendly and supportive. Your turn will come.
Might be worth befriending DIL's mother.

Don't make them feel bad or guilty in any way, they won't be able to cope with it.

I have been through this although it was one prem baby. He spent three months in NCU. I saw him.about three times over that period and held him once on mother's day. You probably wouldn't be able to.hold the twins till.out of hospital. It all went pear shaped for us. Her mother came to live with them from overseas and is still here. We weren't even allowed to.hold him when he came home. He was 12 months old before my husband held him. Everything came to.a head as we weren't even welcome on the house. We had a period of three months when our son cut us off because we complained. We are now talking and we see our dear GS once a week. We are not allowed to.have him on our own and there are no.babysitting duties. I am.jealous of her mother seeing him all.the time including my son. It hurt dreadfully and I got counselling. Nothing is ever going to.change. I hope you have a better experience than we did but don't make waves because your son will.be forced to.take sides and that will not be you. It's sad but true.