Should I be offended?

How many knock downs does it take to make you want to not get up again?
So many posters here come back with a definite response to the offender (some a bit jokey but others seem quite serious). Others just seem able to shrug it off and carry on smiling.
Just curious as I seem to have lost my bounce back over the last couple of days.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I have an underlying pity for a lot of those type of people as they haven't got everything really, have they ?

Hi LindyR. It does come across, on the face of it, as rather insulting behaviour - especially when they thought the old car wasn’t very good, but would’ve been good enough for you!! The very idea! And yes - it would’ve been better to not “accept” the bike, but some people can be very persuasive. I’m wondering whether these people had approached several other neighbours, not just yourselves? Politely decline if they offer you anything else. Easy for me to say - I can sometimes be taken off-guard and say yes when I mean no! ? I wonder, also, whether they were having some cash flow problems, especially during the time of COVID. Ok, they live in a big posh house, with the huge outgoings that that entails, but maybe their income has dipped lately? Or maybe they don’t want to use eBay/charity shops for the bike and didn’t want to sell car to someone they didn’t know? Just a thought.

LindyR, I hope your friend wasn't offended when you passed on that old bike!

It's annoying and patronising but I would try to ignore it.
I am one of four sisters. Our oldest sister is extremely well off. For some reason she sees the three of us as poor relations. We're not well off like her but doing very nicely thank you.
When she lived near us, we would get a call every now and then and said 'I have some clothes I'm getting rid of. I thought you might like to have a look before I take them to the charity shop.'
Rather than upset her, we would gather at her house on the appointed day to be presented with what were mostly hideous things. She was bigger than all if us. We should have said 'no thank you' but we took some so as not to offend her. Never mind that we were offended! She didn't seem to notice that we never wore them. I have a selection of Hawaiian shirts somewhere!

Oh [LindyR] This sort of thing does make me laugh - admittedly what's happened to you is really annoying. I 'pass' for middle class (I am but that's not the point) - parents were headteachers, always had middle class sort of jobs etc. Where I live now, there is a great 'fear' of new building and this is given emphasis by rumours of 'them' going to fill said houses with people from Liverpool! That's when I tell folk that's where I come from - you can see them resolving to count the silver knives as soon as I've gone!

Years ago I attended a return to work course. One of the participants appeared to be very glamorous and sophisticated. When we got to the assertiveness part of the course it was very sad. She hated what she had become and it was all down to bullying by her OH as he felt he had an image to project. Her children had started to join in on his side as well. From the outside she appeared to have everything but inside she was crumbling.

How awful - to judge someone by where they live. Where we live does not have anything to do with how much money we have or indeed how well educated we are. I get so annoyed with snobbery - and it can work both ways. How often do we hear someone described as 'posh' just because they speak differently or indeed appear to have a bigger house or better car etc or vice versa people turning their nose up at those who appear to be less well off. We are all equal no matter what we have accumulated in life, how we speak, where we live etc etc (the list is endless). Don't waste your energy on these people - they're not worth it.

Are the Hawaiian shirts unisex? My OH has a selection that he wears on holidays! The more garish the better as far as he is concerned. I just keep my sunglasses on to avoid eye strain.

Tillybelle. Snobena!! ? Love that.

I think these are probably from the 1950s sussexborn . Maybe I could sell them as retro!

Sandelf. I too derive pleasure telling some (snobbish) folk where I am from (Merseyside). Someone once said "but you sound kind of posh". Talk about snobbery?

It’s really all about learning to say ‘no’ isn’t it? Some men are as bad as women about doing this.If you don’t want something you have to say no thanks...but you can always add
( if you feel it necessary) thanks for thinking of me though.
This goes for cold callers wanting something at the door/phone as well as neighbours or friends offering you something.
The only exception to this ( for me) is a neighbour on the doorstep, beaming and saying I’ve brought you some of my runner beans etc.Even if I decided later to throw them away, I would still take them, as it was a kind act.

Cheeky, snobby people. Suggest they put their unwanted stuff on Freecycle. It's a great system. The receiver collects the item, maybe does it up for themselves or maybe refurbishes it (eg, a bike) and sells it on.

Another anecdote: A neighbour told some mums outside the school gate where our children were in school: "T (that was me) drives an old car because they don't need a decent one at the moment. They only need something for small runabout errands."

Most people who keep the snobbery going in my experience are those who come from nowhere, have nothing to boast about, may not even have a lot of money in fact, but like to show off, put on airs and graces and pretend to know famous people.

I know one whose favourite story is taking the details of a famous person's child relative at Casualty and describing how she kept calling the person by their title. It is so nauseating that I imagine the famous person needed a sick bucket and medication to recover from the overdose of obsequious slime they had endured.

The person pouring out the slime calls herself a nurse. She took no exams at all, not an O level or GCSE, in her own words has not even attended an Appraisal! She is a Nursing Auxiliary. She travels to Greek Islands frequently and tells people she is a Nurse.

Btw, she lives in Surrey.

My husband has worked in the building trade all his life, and looks a right scruff when he goes to work. We’ve lost track of people who have assumed we rent out house, because of how he looks.
In fact we now own Our house, we finished the mortgage Years ago. Just by luck we have a large house, in a lovely road.
So it pays not to judge a book ??

If I were you I'd be inclined to not pay much attention to your neighbours. Their intentions may have been good, but it sounds a bit weird trying to sell you a crap car, then insisting you take a bike and later trying to make you pay for it. As with people in all income brackets some are nice, some are not, some just get it wrong and some are total twats. Money might buy you a bigger house on the street and private education for your children, but it does not buy you class or manners (and there's no guarantee a posh education = intelligent grown-up at the end of it). I've no idea why some people like to look down on others. If your neighbours had wanted to be charitable I'm sure local charities would be aware of those who would've liked a bike or car! Whatever the circumstances I am always surprised on these threads how difficult some people find saying 'no' or allow friends or family to dictate the terms of a relationship etc. If you do not feel genuine attempts at neighbourly friendship then be polite, civil, but do not get involved - if they deign to talk to you just pass the time of day, say you are busy and don't waste your time on them. If you are unsure about whether or not they intended to be offensive then maybe give them the benefit of doubt and don't bother being offended. That said, a neighbour who blanks you at any event and especially if it was one relating to your mutual professional interests, is just damn rude

It amazes me how some people I have come across who have money are incredibly stingy and mean. My son and his wife earn far more money than we do and have managed to get a free holiday through us by not contributing to the cost of the holiday at all. Other members of our party did, and I provided food and all the 'necessaries' for the holiday home. I have even known people who have everything steal things and make up stories to get freebies from hotels and restaurants! I find this behaviour completely despicable, but the people who do these things seem to have no conscience or guilt whatsoever because they talk about it freely. It's like a form of sickness, I think. Your neighbours, LindyR, probably couldn't be bothered to take their stuff to the charity shop or advertise it or dump it, because that may have entailed some sort of cost to them, so they offloaded on you instead. I think once you get into this mindset of entitlement, it's hard to get out of unless, perhaps, you fall on hard times at a later date.

We were all born equal
Sorry I can’t let that platitude pass Sheba.
We aren’t ‘born equal’. Maybe in the sight of God we are, if you believe in God, but in reality some of us are fortunate to be born into loving families with all the material possessions we will ever need.
Others, even in this country, are born in deprived circumstances from which they have virtually no chance of escape.

I think that many people tend to, "stick to their own kind" in all social strata and while it's probably more prevalent amongst the upper class I don't think it's unique to them by any means.
I'm just as ostrasised in my place of work because my children didn't attend the local schools so I haven't built up a network of local "mum friends" (small rural community) over the years, though I do my best to be friendly and join in as much of the chatter (hesitate to use the term gossiping) as possible.
They also like to take the micky out of the way I speak, even to the point of crossing out and changing words like lavatory and pillowslip to toilet and pillowcase on job sheets (sometimes I'm pushed for time and in too much of a rush to translate into the second language I've had to learn since divorcing and having to readjust my lifestyle) .
But you see, despite te fact that I now spend 110% of my time desperately trying to make ends meet, I'm still percieved as, "white, middle class and privileged" so nobody has to concern themselves with whether or not my feelings are hurt by non acknowledgement/ridicule of my cultural background.

LindyR. I have always had the saying "My money is as good as any other persons money". I treat people as I would like to be treated myself regardless of class.

Eleanor Roosevelt quotes:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticised anyway"

Just smile and hold your head high !
You're the one who is 'rich ' , in manners, politeness and humanity .
Yes and suggest Freecycle as someone advised , next time they're offering you their stuff .
Your post has amused me today - people are interesting , aren't they !

I'm glad your family's doctorate and degrees are not known about locally. Wonderful stuff for you to nourish and be proud of privately. Your neighbours' attitude and actions seem to be troubling you. Try rising above it. They seem decidedly shallow from what you've related here.

That’s one of my favourite quotes, Tempest.