Nanny or Grandma

Your post says your daughter reacted quite nastily. Why did she need to react like that? Is she unhappy about something. Goodness it’s only a name and I think you have every right to be called what you want but don’t take her response to heart. She has a daughter that luckily you have taken into your home plus the child’s father and she reacts nastily when you express a wish! I hope her power of control fades when she needs your support looking after it.

Has your daughter actually said what she would like your name to be?
I'm afraid I'm not a fan of Nanny/Nana either. There are lots of other choices, I'm Tatty to my grandchildren and now that they're adults, to their partners too.

Don't people think you're a potato, though?

Have you asked them what alternative they would suggest? It’s been an emotional time for all of you so give it a little time.

There MUST be some underlying reason (despite you having no idea what it is?)why your daughter gives the term to the other 3 grandparents but not you?and you must get to bottom of it! (-Could it be that she mistakenly believes it wasn't her boyfriends dad who thought she shouldnt have the baby,but you?)Her BF could have not wanted her to think that of his own father, so could have given her wrong end of the stick, or she got wrong idea herself from something youve said at hearing news?like as ambiguous as "but you're both so young!" She hormonally could have interpreted that to mean you meant something you did not- resulting in crossed wires, and your DD thinking you 'don't deserve to be called the baby's gran'?! It is probably a complete misunderstanding, but needs to be tackled, gently, or might mean a lot of wrongful heartache for you both.

I personally am ok with nanna, but nanny sounds like a childs governess from the (posh) old days!

Very proud to be called Nannie, not once did I think I was a goat, what a odd post Janeea, totally agree MissAdventure

I'm one of those who'd never wanted to be called Nanny but obviously that's fine for those who like it. I quite like Nana, although it's also the dog in Peter Pan of course. My grandchildren just call us by our first names. Have you run that option past your daughter?

Early days CrochetJo and congratulations. Your daughter is a new Mum and sometimes they have to have someone to lash out at and who is the nearest candidate why Mum of course. I always said I’d wait for the grandkids to name me. My youngest grandson who is eight is always incredulous when his teachers refer to us as grandma and granddad. ‘Don’t they know you’re BoBo and DaDa? These are the names our eldest grandson christened us and have stuck with their cousin now also using the same. She has a new baby brother or sister due who I’m sure will use the same names. I love my name as it feels so special!

I'm not sure i agree that everyone has the RIGHT to be called what they like. For their own forename that friends and relatives use - yes. But when it comes to deciding what your grandchild should call you, I think your daughter has some rights too.
Maybe Nana has some sort of negative connotation for her becasue of your mother. Perhaps you should ask her what she would like you to be called and then negotiate?
Incidentally - what about .Nonna. - is that the Italian name for grandmother? I rather like it.
Don't let this spoil your pleasure in the baby - just let it lie if necessary, for the time being.

I think what the baby calls you is going to be the least of your problems but 5 days after their arrival is far too soon to get into who is called what. Even supposing Nanny was agreed to the baby might choose something different. Whatever you do don’t get into any kind of argument with the other grandparents.

My son has a Grandma, not a Nanny - which to me is a goat!! Also I cant be doing with each grandparent being called something different - if we needed to distinguish then we just added their name on the end.

Steady on CrochetJo, you're starting to sound a bit judgemental/controlling yourself, ("lets get this straight" etc etc)? It could be something you don't think is there?-if you don't even entertain the idea, then it could be there, but you don't know it?You must want our advice, or wouldn't be on here.we all mean well, and are on your side. But at least try think back to see if there's ANY reason, whatsoever, that you didn't mean, that your DD, being pregnant/ new mum, could not have maybe taken the wrong way? Then you can sort it.or she could just dislike the name Nanny, but will prefer something else instead.simple as that.

My daughter asked me what I wanted to be called and I said 'Nana' as did her Mil. If the little one needs to differentiate she calls us Nana Sandra or Nana Lou. Maybe an idea to ask your daughter what she would like you to be called so that you feel better about the situation.

Or if your daughter usually calls you your own first name what about using 'grannyJo' when you speak directly to the baby? It might catch on with your daughter too.?

My eldest grandson called me mema until he was about 5 then he switched to grandma. We were grandma and grandad to our younger grandchildren until one day we changed to grandpa and granny, because that’s what the grandparents on Peppa pig were called. Our great grandson calls us grandma and grandpa.
I guess what I am saying is that even though we all have ideas of what we would like to be called, and I do see how it would be upsetting not to be given a name, names can change and no matter what your new granddaughter calls you it will be a name she calls you with love

When your granddaughter is old enough she will give you a name from the heart, you will have a great relationship with her because she is being brought up in your home.
My mum has always been Nanna and my Nanna became Nanna2, which she loved. It's been 10 years since she passed and she is still referred to as Nanna2.
Names have a way of finding you and being just right.

Try not to get upset by it all and enjoy your new grandchild. Just ask you DD or her partner what they would like you to be called. If you asked her a while ago while she was pregnant she may not actually remember saying no to you being called Nanny or saying it is a nasty way. My DD was the first to have a child and so we talked about it. We decided on Nanny and Pop as that was what we called our maternal grandparents and they were amazing. Little one though when he was able to talk used Pop-pops and it has stuck now for all grandchildren on my side of the family. DH has a grandchild from his DS who he doesn't hear from or see and he just puts from Grandad in his birthday or christmas cards. There are two 'grandads' though for DD/ SiL family that are just referred to by their Christian names. Complicated situation and the decision of the parents to NOT use affectionate 'grandad, grampy or other names for them. Bottom line through is just ask your daughter and partner again asap and then put it to rest.

I have been much criticised over 14 years of grandmotherhood for choosing to be Nanny, quite rudely a couple of times. I didn’t want to be Grandma (my mother and grandmother) or Granny (my MIL and other grandmother).

Nanny is the dearest name when said by my darling grandchildren.

Would your daughter prefer Nana perhaps *CrochetJo” or is that worse? NannyJo even?

5 pages about something and nothing.
You have a healthy grandchild and she has healthy parents.

Be glad of what you do have instead of overshadowing your new little baby time with worries about what you'll be called.

When my granddaughter was born, I said I would like to be called Garnie; its a sort of anagram of Granny and yet a little different. I like it; sometimes the children call me Granny by accident but I don’t correct them.
My daughter and son-in-law waited until their babies were born before announcing their choice of names, which I think is a good idea as at that point it is difficult for anyone with an axe to grind over names to quibble once the baby is safely in its cot.

Your daughter is very young and is probably finding it hard to cope with all that a new baby entails. Suggest you do not force the issue - does it really matter what you are called as long as you develop a good relationship with your grandchild? You are fortunate to be around the the baby all the time and be there to assist if necessary. Give the young family space and let it all evolve naturally!

No matter what you would like to be called or what your daughter decrees you should be known as, you may find in time that your grandchildren come up with their own names for you anyway! I was grandma initially but I have a terrible habit of ‘snorting’ when I laugh, and I laugh a lot with my grandsons, so they have re-christened me ‘Pigma’!! Not terribly elegant and takes some explaining to other people but I think it’s hilarious (snort!). My husband was called Eee for some reason when our youngest grandson was learning to talk so is, to this day, known as Eee! It’s only a name, just enjoy your granddaughter and in time she may find her own name for you.

With four ACs all starting families, it was impossible to have names which didnt clash with....the other...grandparents. I did suggest just using first names, but they were all horrified, so christmas cards have to have triple signatures...mum and dad for ACs, first names for other halves, and Grandma/Grandpa for grandchildren.
First names would be so much easier now the GCs are all teenagers, but noone is bothered about any mistakes!

What name does she want you to be called? Has she come up with a name even? My first grandchild started calling me nanny but that soon became nannio through her own choice and it has now stuck , my second grandchild now calls me this too and I love it, I think your daughter is being insensitive while you have gone above and beyond for them x