Nanny or Grandma

Why not suggest something completely different CrochetJo? My Mum has always been Nanny to our two, our Granddaughters call us Gigi (Glamorous or grey Grandma!) and Pa which is lovely.

My DD MIL wanted to be Grandma, which was fine by me as I didn't! I have been Nanny to my three grandchildren, it gets shortened to Nan, Nanna and spelt Nannie sometimes by them, doesn't matter! Don't let it upset you now, your new GC is too young to know what to call you and things might well change over the next year so you could be getting upset about nothing in the end. What has your DD suggested you be called instead? Whilst baby is too little to notice you could just go along with it and then gradually introduce the idea of yourself as Nanny in the months ahead. My children had two Grans, they were distinguished when talking about them as being Gran Mary and Gran Eileen. All Eileen's other GC called her Granma (no D) but she never mithered about mine calling her Gran. At the end of the day you will have a lovely loving relationship with your new GC whatever you are called by family, treasure that time, it goes by so quickly!

I have always been gran to all my GC. As was my mum to my children. Am now great gran. Shortened to GG which I love. You will find a way am sure

Congratulations Crochetjo on becoming a Grandparent ?
Yes you have the right to be upset, your feelings are valid. As you mentioned the other Grandparents all have their names and are recognised and included. It sounds like you have been very supportive of your Daughter, her partner and of course your new little Granddaughter, offering them a home. You have also welcomed your Daughters partners family in to your home. I can understand how hurt you must feel when your Daughter refused for you to be called Nanny when it means so much too you. If this is something that your Daughter is adamant on her Daughter not calling you this, can you come to a compromise. You might have to accept that your not going to be called Nanny but something else. The important thing is, not what you are called but being the best loving Grandparent you can be. I had my heart set on being Grandma, but my little step Grandaughter at the time was too young to understand why I was now Grandma when in her mind I wasn’t Grandma she had her Grandma. I decided on Gran ( wasn’t overly keen at first) but I couldn’t bare her being upset about it and so confused, more importantly focused on being the best Grandparent I could. Now, I absolutely love being called Gran, my life lights up when my Granddaughter and my Grandson say it, but they could of called me anything and I still would feel this way. Please try and talk to your Daughter, tell her you understand that she doesn’t like Nanny and ask if yous can come up with something else, maybe she could give you a few choices and you could pick, or maybe you Daughter will come around to you being called Nanny, if she feels she is more in control. I do hope yous can talk and sort this out, it is very important to you, and whatever you are going to be called, you will come to love it, I’m sure. Enjoy your new Granddaughter ?

When my mother became a grandmother she took the name of Min - it's a character in The Goons which my brother-in law loves and Mum was Min to all her grandchildren and she loved the name . Could you find a name for yourself that is maybe unique and it fits you?

I always wanted to be Gran, my grandson's other grandparent was Nanna as had older grandparents but my grandson never called my gran it was always nanna, I've learnt to live with it lol and am now 'nanna"to 3

Sorry it should read
Other grandparent had older grand children ?

My 6 year old granddaughter calls me Nanny Plum. Her idea of course!!

Dear CrochetJo, My mum refused absolutely to have any of the options to define her grandmother role. She just wanted the children to use her name. Of course, saying ‘Barbara’ was too tricky for them as toddlers, so she became Barbar. It stuck so well that they never changed it, even long after they could pronounce her name correctly. All their little friends and friends’ parents called her Barbar too. When she died in April, aged 91, I had so many messages of condolence, still using that affectionate nickname. They remembered her kindness, her warmth, her sense of humour, her cooking..... Relationships are about so much more than a label. I’m sure yours will be close and loving. Enjoy being in her life.

tanith

It matters not what ‘name’ they call you, you’ll develop your own relationship with her and a ‘title/name will evolve naturally I’m sure. My lot call me Nanny,Grandma and a new name for my GrtGC they are now calling me Gaga I don’t care what they call me as long as they call me.
Just enjoy your new GD and don’t fret about this.

Well said Tanith How lovely you are a GGma. (Love Gaga)!

'My mum was known as Great Granny no hair' after my young niece named her so. She and my granddaughter named her so after discovering th a t she was bald (having cancer treatment). They loved visiting her and contrary to our fears, the tiddlers were fascinated and couldn't start to stroke her head and shower her with kisses. Within a very short period we ALL referred to Mum as GGNH, and for many the fear of cancer began to reduce and we could all talk about it.

My point is that in my experience your grandchild will find her own name for you, and that name will become a very special name linked to your relationship. Can't be any worse than mine......Grandma whisper (I lost my voice for over a year)!

I wanted to be Nana to my first grandson 20 years ago but somehow he naturally called me nanny which I loved. 10 dgc and step dgc later I'm nanny to all of them except the oldest who now calls me nan. Leave it to them to choose.

Nannan2

'Grandma' or Gran is by tradition used for the maternal side- the baby's mum's own mother.The term 'Nanna' ,or nan,nanny,is traditionally given to the paternal side- the baby's Dads own mother.Maybe that's why your daughter said she won't call you that? But then that wouldn't explain why she's using 'grandma' for her boyfriends mum?- Has the boyfriends parents been asked what they prefer? (Grandad/grandpa is same whichever side) Or were the names used by chance first by the boyfriend? Next time they come round, stand next to them and wave a hand between you &other 'gran' and say "well what name AM i having then?just so we can differentiate between us both??" Explain about the traditional 'Nanna/Grandma' labels, and let her decide then, you might be surprised to find the boyfriends mum prefers the traditional 'nanna/nan/nanny' and is happy to swap. Or if not ask your daughter outright what the little one IS going to call YOU then? Has your DD always called you 'mum/mother' or does she refer to you by your first name at all? That could be the crux of it.As others have said, the child, once speaking may well have its own 'special' name for you- as kids we used the traditional names, but my sister couldn't say it so called our mums mum 'gran' & our dads mum "grammy"- i myself have sons kids who call me Nanna and 2 Daughters kids call me Grandma.Try not to let it spoil this time for you, but you DO need to know how to refer to yourself, or for others to refer to you, regarding your GC, as years down the line it will be too much of a mouthful (if youve to ring school for example?) "Oh, im 'so&so's (childs name)mums mum!"

When we first met the other Grandparents I said ‘Congratulations how do you want to be known’ she said ‘Grandma and we’re just going to call you Grandma Jo’ so it sounded like it had already been decided

Whatever tradition dictates or whatever you want to be called matters not a jot. It is your daughter's decision in the long run. Maybe just ask her what she thinks is the best name for her baby to call you when it is older. Whatever she says, just go with it and you might find that things get better when she thinks she can't beat you with it. Give her another couple of years to mature and you'll probably find that she becomes more thoughtful as she is still at that age where emotions and empathy are very fluid.
If you can't get any resolution as to your title, just enjoy the baby. You are in a very good position to build up a good bond and name's are nothing compared to that.

^Nannan2
“Grandma' or Gran is by tradition used for the maternal side- the baby's mum's own mother.The term 'Nanna' ,or nan,nanny,is traditionally given to the paternal side- the baby's Dads own mother”

I’ve honestly never heard that before. I’m Gran to both my daughter and son’s children as was my Mum to all hers on both sides. I called both paternal and maternal grandmothers Gran.
One set of my cousins called our maternal grandmother Nanny. They labelled our grandfather Nanny’s Daddy when they were toddlers! The name affectionately stuck and they called him NannysDaddy till the day he died.

As long as they love me I don't care nanny or grandma but a few, of my friends are a bit iffy about it. GD refers to her other nanny as holiday nanny as she lives in Spain and that equates holidays. On the other hand I am referred to as Gypsy nanny as that is the name of our dog who she loves. It has raised a, few eyebrows but I find it hilarious.

OP it will sort itself out. My GD made her own mind up on what she would call me and whatever she decided upon I can live with because what is in a name it is the cuddles that count.

Welcome to Gransnet, CrotchetJo. such an emotional time when a baby comes into the family - for everyone. It is too hot, we are all dealing with an upside down world, and it sounds as if you need to be kind to yourself. This will undoubtedly resolve, and if i were you I would take a deep breath, splash my face wtih cold water, and try to relax. Congratulations on the new baby - how lovely to be a grandparent, and whatever you are eventually calledwon't alter the joy. There will be many happy times to come.

I have nevef heard if any tradition about what maternal or paternal grandparents are called because that would mean my children would be calling my Mother a different name to what my brothers children would use which is ridiculous.
My MIL felt she was too young to be a grandmother but chose to be called grandma which I felt sounded very old. My mother was Nana and so am I. So when my grandchildren came along we were each known as Nana followed by our Christian name. One relative is known by her Christian name by her children and grandchildren so each to their own.
CrochetJo don't get upset by this because it will soon settle down and when you talk to the baby you will use the name Nanny and soon everyone will get used to it and start using it. Congratulations on your new baby granddaughter.

As you can see from my handle I am Nanny to my 7 grandchildren and love my name.

When my DS and DIL had their first child I was already known as Grandma to my DD’s children. My DIL said her mother wanted to be Grandma. I replied that this was fine and that I could be Grandma Jane and she could be Grandma Susan ( not the real names). She said know as only the surname could be used eg Grandma Jones as it wasn’t appropriate for a child to use the first name. In the end I stayed Grandma and her mother became Gaga.

No not know!

I have nevef heard if any tradition about what maternal or paternal grandparents are called because that would mean my children would be calling my Mother a different name to what my brothers children would use which is ridiculous.

Agreed on all counts, Daisyboots. I’m a proud Nanna to all of mine, whether my daughters’ children or my son’s. Life’s complicated enough without having to remember what name you’re going under today.

You could always just ask your DD gently of course, what would she like you to be called, there may be a reason she doesn’t want Nanny that you don’t know .
Ps welcome to the wonderful world of grannyhood

Congratulations on being a grandparent. I can understand your feelings on your daughter's, in laws having a name and you are still waiting, but your chosen name will come soon enough. Your grandaughter is far too young to know who is who, so try not to stress about it too much and just enjoy having the baby around. x

I am Granny but. when the granddaughters were little they couldn’t say it and said “Raggy” Now they are older we are back to Granny.

My SIL’s mother also wanted to be Granny so she was Granny (her name) and I was Granny Wales because I loved there at the time .

Both my grandmothers were called Nana. My MIL was Grandma which I don’t personally like and never wanted to be called that. The first time your grandchild says “I love you “ you won’t care what name comes after