Nanny or Grandma

Hi Crochetjo, I totally empathise with how you’re feeling. I think our emotions are very heightened during this strange life we’re living now but sons/daughters/son-in-law’s/daughter-in-laws can be so hurtful.,I’ve also spent most of today in tears over son and daughter-in-law. I have no answers as I have none for myself! But just wanted you to know I empathise and you’re not alone X

Having read through 6 pages of comments on names for grandparents I am returning to OP's point, that she is upset at her daughters reaction to her desire to be known as 'nanny' and that as no alternative has been suggested she is not referred to in any context which reflects her status as grandmother to her new precious granddaughter. For what it is worth I would advise cautious diplomacy in finding a way forward. Emotions run high in the weeks following a new arrival as everyone adjusts to their new roles and OP's daughter is very young. Personally I would let my daughter know how proud I was of her, how much I loved her and my new granddaughter and simply ask if she had any preference as to what I should call myself when chatting to the little one. I would have a couple of suggestions that I liked to hand in case I was asked my own preference. I understand that OP is upset that her own choice of name was rejected but as the grown up I think she needs to move on and accept that her grandchildren will find their own name for her anyway, and that will be all the more precious because they chose it. Don't make an issue out of this, as others have said enjoy this time. Other grandparents have yet to meet their new arrivals let alone have the opportunity to to cuddle them.

Riverwalk

^I was so lucky to have my Grandma in my life until I was 54 and a grandma myself. She was a great, great grandma and for 10 years we were a 5 generation family . I took my own grandchildren to see her every week and they called her “little Grandma” as she was tiny ^

gilly you were very privileged to have that generation span, and for so long.

'Little Grandma' - aww

I was indeed privileged Riverwalk she was the best grandma I could have ever wished for and I still miss her every single day .

My husband’s grandmother was called Nan. She was a working class woman. And proud of it. I was proud of her, admired her a lot and loved her dearly. She ruled the family though she loved us all fiercely. Once my daughter, when a little girl, called her “Lil”, which was Nan’s name and was firmly told, “You don’t call me that”. CrochetJo, I agree with you, you should decide what you want to be called. But weeping all day and telling yourself your grandchild won’t know you are her grandmother is working yourself up into an unnecessary state. Of course she will know you are her grandmother. Assert yourself instead.

Sorry, I haven’t trawled through seven pages, and apologies if this has been said, but I can’t see it’s anything to do with the name, but more your relationship with your daughter. What’s going on? The other three grandparents have their names, but there is “ nothing towards you”. Your granddaughter will obviously know her relationship to you, it couldn’t be hidden, and you’re worried about this, rather than the fact your daughter seems to be pushing you out. Sorry if I’ve misunderstood somewhere, or you’ve been back and explained it.

As Gillybob suggested, bring the name into play yourself. Refer to yourself as nanny when interacting with your gd and she’ll automatically think of you as nanny.

I wanted to be Grandma but others got in first so I am nanny - I"female goat" my DD likes this as my late DM was nanny too. I have friends who are called different things. One of my DG likes to call me Nanna - which I like. As long as I see my DG regularly and have a good relationship with them I really don't mind.

Don't know if this response has been posted already. Please think carefully about introducing yourself as Nanny when you're speaking to your DGD as has been suggested. As your DD has rejected this name, don't cause upset by insisting on using it. Tell your DD how excited you are, ask her what she would like you to be called. Whatever your DD chooses when your DGD calls you by this name you will love it from the minute you first hear her say it. Congratulations.

You could be Grandma Jo, if that’s your name. My nieces called my mum Grandma La-La and her other Gran was just Grandma. It sounds like your daughter doesn’t like the word “Nanny” which is fine. Just ask her what she wants you to be. It’s not really about what you want to be called, it has to be a name your daughter wants to say and is comfortable with. I’m Nana Mel to my granddaughter and her other grandma is Nana Ange. I would have liked to have been Granny but there you go! You do need a name and your daughter needs to give you one. You sound like a lovely person to have taken your daughter and her partner in, please don’t let this upset you.

I was hoping for Glam-ma or GiGi from my only grandchild but she came up with her own names for me and my husband....and we love them! ?

My GD calls me and my DIL’s mum nanny. Now she is talking they need to know which nanny she is referring to when we are not there. We have both been called nanny then our first name to the dogs long before GD came along. My DS and DIL decided to stay with this until my GD decides for herself if she wants to call us something else. She calls us nanny when talking to us but says nanny then our first name when we are not there. I’m very happy with this.

@crotchetjo If it's any conselation my daughter had my granddaughter when she was 17, I was 37. I didn't want to be known as granny, my mil was granny Stewart and she was a witch, trust me. I didn't want Nanny or Nana as I felt I was too young. Eventually, just before my DGD first birthday and before she started talking my DD said I had to choose as DGD would start calling me mum. At her insistence DGD1, calls me gran as do all the rest of my GC. Choose what you want and insist. All my DGCs call me granny when they want to wind me up and we all laugh about it when they do. I'm pretty sure my DC have a hand in it somewhere but I love them all and I'm pretty certain they love me too.

CrochetJo : I think it may just be that your daughter doesn’t like to think of you as being old enough for the term Nanny, grandma or whatever!! Enjoy the baby anyway, time will sort things out. X

My grandchildren call me nanny. This happened when my grandson was born and that was the only word he could say for me when he started to talk. It’ll all work out fine !

My daughter called her grandmother and great grandmother, who both wished to be Granny, by their Christian names eg Granny Vinnie and Granny Lucy

My eldest grandchild called me Marmar because she could not pronounce Grandma. Her children call me MarmarMarmar. In the unlikely event that they have children while I am still around I suppose it will be MarmarMarmarMarmar (Heaven forbid).

So, you see, I don’t think it matters what you want to be called, the grandchildren will name you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiscoDancer1975

Sorry, I haven’t trawled through seven pages, and apologies if this has been said, but I can’t see it’s anything to do with the name, but more your relationship with your daughter. What’s going on? The other three grandparents have their names, but there is “ nothing towards you”. Your granddaughter will obviously know her relationship to you, it couldn’t be hidden, and you’re worried about this, rather than the fact your daughter seems to be pushing you out. Sorry if I’ve misunderstood somewhere, or you’ve been back and explained it.

Maybe you should read the comments before jumping to conclusions

SheilsM

Hi Crochetjo, I totally empathise with how you’re feeling. I think our emotions are very heightened during this strange life we’re living now but sons/daughters/son-in-law’s/daughter-in-laws can be so hurtful.,I’ve also spent most of today in tears over son and daughter-in-law. I have no answers as I have none for myself! But just wanted you to know I empathise and you’re not alone X

Hi SheilsM thank you for your message, I just wanted to reach out to you to see if you’re ok x

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild. It’s very early days , emotion is high but don’t spoil this precious time by getting upset about what you might be called, these things work out in time. Enjoy the time you spend with your daughter and her child. How lovely to be such a young gran. I was in my 60s when my grandchild was born.

When my daughter had her first child my mother asked me what i was going to let the baby grow up calling me. Instantly mother said that she wanted to be called grandma, i said that i also wanted to be called grandma, but not to worry about it because the child would come up with her own way of letting us know which of the grandma's she was referring to, and she did. I was grandma, because she lived with her mum and me for some years, and great grandma, who she had to go in the car to drive to her home, she decided to call car grandma. Well sorted out, and even though that little one is now 18 years old, she still calls my mum car grandma and so does her younger sister.

Why not ask your daughter what she would like you to be called?
Possibly she isn't using any name for you because she has rejected your suggestion of Nanny, but nothing else has been agreed.

My DS didn't want me to be called Granny to his child because, to him, that was his granny - my Mum.

Congratulations on your lovely new granddaughter.

Hi there, CrochetJo

As has been mentioned we've been living a strange existence this past few months.

Things that would have been minor six months ago, suddenly become huge

I'm sure eventually you'll get a name that suits you all.

My daughter-in-law's mother finally settles on a name that everyone was happy about almost a year after birth!

Enjoy your lovely granddaughter!

I wouldn’t care what I was called - the absolute joy of having a grandchild would surpass anything else that I was thinking or feeling.
A new life, a new beginning. This time is about the beautiful baby who has just entered the world and its Mum who has obviously been through a traumatic time.
You are the grown up in this scenario.
Your daughter does not need this additional burden of managing your demands.
Remember the quotation; ‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’.
This is actually quite sad ... that something so trivial can be taking up pages and pages of space on this site. There are people who will never have the joy of a grandchild, those who have just had a grandchild born with an illness or a disability, many grandchildren born who are unwanted and unloved.
Such a ‘first world problem‘. Get over yourself and look beyond what is happening in your bubble.

I think you want to hear people agree with you that you are ‘right to be upset’. This is complicated because your feelings are your feelings and there is no right or wrong about it. But, in my view it’s important what you do about those feelings and how you cope with them. Often our feelings are not based on the here and now and are not rational but have a history in our own experiences as children and in our relationships. The arrival of your granddaughter has brought to a head what appears to be a difficulty in communication between you and your daughter and dare I say some very strong feelings. You want to feel recognised as the baby’s special nanny. Also, early in pregnancy it’s not unusual for people to talk about termination but it means nothing once the child has arrived. You need to find a way of accommodating that baby has other grandparents and each will have their own relationship with her which doesn’t diminish the others. I think you might need a place to think all this through so that you can be part of a loving and calm and peaceful environment for the new family and your little granddaughter. Perhaps consult a counsellor,,,? I hope that you find this helpful.

Such a ‘first world problem‘. Get over yourself and look beyond what is happening in your bubble.

You might find News and Politics more to your liking, PauliLenney.

You’re not likely to find the weighty problems of the world under discussion in Ask a Gran.