Should I reward GD for exam results?

She didn't pass any exams as she didn't take any, so why would there be a reward!

I have just seen my grandson, who has done fairly well and managed to get a seat in Swansea University. He and his friends are going out to celebrate and I gave him some spending money.

I don't think anyone's suggesting that a gift and kind words are mutually exclusive, though. The question is whether the gift should be based on the results or on the fact that the girl has worked hard in the face of adversity.

In this case it is something of a moot point, as she has done well anyway, but if she hadn't got the grades she wanted I for one still think that a reward for her effort would be a kind gesture.

There’s a world of difference between saying well done and acknowledging that with a ‘treat yourself’ monetary gift and promising a reward if they do well. Once they’ve got their results, grandparents in particular can offer words of consolation or praise as appropriate. I think graduating is completely different - most people I know celebrated with a family meal. Personally I don’t find it difficult at all to offer the right words and a monetary gift at the same time.

Give her money as a 'well done' gift, but not as a reward. I've seen too many parents cajole their children into passing exams, and then made them feel like failures when they didn't do well.
The only person who benefits from academic success is the student. If she has a particular career in mind, it's up to her to work hard at the subjects she needs. Her reward will be achieving her ambitions.
Helping with her university fees will be much appreciated.

My Mum was never satisfied with what I achieved.
I came second to a boy in a test at junior school once and she said, "Why did you let him beat you?"
It was so disheartening that in the end I just stopped trying.

With my own children I always said that as long as they felt they'd tried their hardest, and their results were a fair reflection of their efforts, then if they were happy I was happy.

Theses ‘rewards’ are called extrinsic motivators.

What about those who do well without needing to work hard? Do they get the reward as well as the good grades?

It's all subjective, so (IMO) grandparents in particular should treat them all alike. Parents might have a better idea of who has tried and who hasn't, but even then, I'm not convinced that they know the whole story. Kids who struggle won't always admit it, and those who are naturally academic will sometimes pretend not to be, then pull it out of the hat on the day.

The child in question was at school with my daughter, who was certainly was no academic, and struggled with dyslexia, but did manage a clutch of Bs and C's. He certainly didn't work hard and if I was his mum I would have been very disappointed. If he'd done his best, fair enough, but he was a bright boy who chucked his education away.

Let's not pretend all children do their do their best. I'm a teacher and those that work hard make up no more than 50% at best.

Children that don't try shouldn't be rewarded with praise.

We always give the doc spending money at the end of the school year for working hard all year.

She would get a good chunk of money and a huge hug.

I am also surprised at your comment gaga.

Nobody in our family has ever given rewards for good results. It wouldn’t even enter my head. We’re pleased and proud when things go well, and that’s enough.

I remember hearing about children who were promised bikes (it was usually bikes) for passing the 11 plus, and thinking it was unkind to give material rewards. What if they didn’t pass? No bike?

Totally agree with you riverwalk

Do as you feel is best for you op, our expectations for our own children when young was always try your hardest, we are very proud of you all regardless, as it happens two of them did well at school were academic and went to uni, the other two weren’t academic but all four have good jobs , so sometimes it’s not what they achieve at school or uni,

GagaJo

I think its good to recognise hard work. I was shocked once to see a friend's card to her son, congratulating him on passing all of his GCSEs. All of his grades were 4 and below (D-G).

If parents don't have higher expectations, children aren't going to strive. Just my own opinion. Not claiming this as fact!

I'm surprised at you Gaga with this comment!

Unless you know that the son in question was a slacker, how do you know that he didn't work hard to achieve his modest results?

I am proud of her Furrett. Nothing was promised in advance. I just thought as she said she was coming round to tell me it would be a nice thing to do. Praise and warm words go without saying but money comes in handy!

My expectations for my own children were that they did their best, not necessarily that they did brilliantly across the board.

One of my children was a lot more academic than the other, who is dyslexic and found studying difficult. I didn't reward the one who got good results and not the other - I rewarded both for trying, which I saw as a lot fairer.

I think its good to recognise hard work. I was shocked once to see a friend's card to her son, congratulating him on passing all of his GCSEs. All of his grades were 4 and below (D-G).

If parents don't have higher expectations, children aren't going to strive. Just my own opinion. Not claiming this as fact!

When mine are old enough they’ll be getting something from us just for doing their best, though I don’t doubt for a moment that they'll do brilliantly anyway.

I’m with Maureen Lipman in the BT ads when her grandson failed everything apart from Pottery and Sociology.

“Anthony, people will always need plates! And you got an ology? You’re a scientist!”.

... and hugging teenagers is out at the moment.

We didn’t give our children presents for their excellent A level results, or on graduating from university.What we did do was to heap praise on them for not only their results but their efforts.Throwing money at children/ adults isn’t always the best way, warm affectionate words are better.

My parents expected good results and it never entered their heads to reward us, even when we graduated from University. It was enough for us to know that we met our parents high expectations.

Of course you should reward her. Clever girl, you must be very proud x

That's life though isn't it, success brings rewards or should it be its own reward?.

I have always rewarded my grandchildren whether it be for good results or putting in a lot of effort. If they have not tried or put in any effort then no reward. Life is tough out there.

Thank you for your suggestions. Thank you Doodledog for the smiley and hug suggestion. I have only ever written 1 post on here, years ago, so don't know, as yet, how to do that!

I`m with J52 on this.