Daughter doesn’t understand

There is more to this than meets the eye. What does this man do all day apart from begetting children?
Is he having a large family because he feels emasculated by his healthy mother?
If they have that much money that he does not need to work they need to hire a live in nanny.
I think this young woman needs some serious help when baby is born and should consider a sterilisation or ask the husband to have a vasectomy.

Loopy loo, second that.

Tell her to stop breeding.

I think she is being very selfish, stick to your guns. She is an adult and has made the decision to have a large family, her responsibility not yours, you are grandparents and have done your bit. Be gently determined in your response, give her an inch and she will take a mile.

Does your daughter work?
You say her husband doesn’t (why on earth not?) so what are they doing for money?

I guess the poor old taxpayer is picking up the bill.

Others have offered good advice about sitting down calmly with your daughter to try to come to an arrangement which suits you all.

As you live a fair distance away and both work she can’t expect too much from you.

She chose to have a lot of children knowing the situation with you.

Judging by the number of threads we have had recently on problems like this, there are an awful lot of grown up children who expect too much from grandparents.

Typical. Adult kids with a sense of entitlement. My mother had 4 kids by the age of 26. Looked after us all while dad worked. I remember being called to see my new sister. Mum gave birth at home. Then when midwife left, I remember her getting up to make a meal for 6pm for us all. No backbone in this era at all

So to clarify , they are not using taxpayers money the SIL has a private income.
He does not have to work but is very lazy which makes it worse when she complains we don’t help enough but yes you are all correct she choose to have 5 children and I agree its too many.
Just feel guilty sometimes I guess but want to enjoy grandchildren and not feel obligated.
I did use MOnica ‘s phrase of ‘don’t measure our love for you by the amount of help we can give you’ and I think that hit home. So thank you for that.
I stood my ground and the baby was born yesterday, MIL looked after the children. All is well there.
They are well versed on contraception btw but I do wonder with SIL being so useless (and btw she never gets a birthday or Xmas present) she has more children to feel needed?
Idk why she puts up with it but after 15 years I don’t think it will change.

Seasalty I'm glad this has worked out ok in the end. Congratulations on your new precious little one.
I hope your daughter recovers quickly and it won't be too long before you are able to visit.

Thank you for the update.

Seasalty onwards and upwards. Hope ttge chat on here helped; telling others how you feel and hearing views can really help to see ones way through things. Enjoy your family.

As Madgran says, good to know you appreciate the help on here and have kept on replying.
The only thing I can, add, not very positive, is encourage her to look to the future when they're all lively difficult teenagers and she's a bit older with less energy.

Ha ha Fennel - I loved my 5 as teenagers! Not sure that will help!

Good news, Seasalty.

Maybe later on, make sure your daughter knows that her family is the responsibility of her husband and herself, not of her parents.

It's completely wrong for her to accept her husband's laziness while trying to bully you into filling in for him.

Enjoy your grandchild!

Btw, if there is so much wealth around, can they employ help with housework and/or childcare?

I was thinking the same FarNorth.
I have to say, people don't appreciate that for self employed people to 'take time off' means total loss of income for them - no holiday or sick-pay for the self employed.
In my husband's case it would cost him more than that as he'd have to employ someone else to cover for him, so even a week's holiday costs more than the price in the brochure.
Anyway - you'd be breaking the Law of Six surely (though having said that - her MIL will have done just that won't she/) I don't know how you get around that one.

No you have to do what’s right for you .You cannot just drop everything when you are working you have commitments .My daughter gets cross when I say no to her as I work occasionally real reason she gets cross because I’m paid to look after other people’s children .Tough I say I didn’t get much help from my in-laws when Oiler’s had kids they were always on the golf course liked being grandparents inName only