Am I being overdramatic

I would not want my young child to be in a house with a dog,particularly one with separation issues. I would drive to their house, buy a good car seat if you do not want the walk, the dog would have to go outside, get a kennel. On a nice day I would make an outing no the walk, in corporates the park and feeding the ducks.Take a picnic in nice weather. The parents have to trust that their child is not in contact with your dog, however much you adore him, baby takes priority. I would have a chat with both the parents and say you understand and respect their views and promise baby will never be in the same room as the dog, even if you are there. Once the trust issue is addressed I am sure they will be calling on you more often. My daughter had dogs when her children were young, the children were perfectly safe, but it used to bother me no end, when I looked after the children , I put the dogs out until they were running around and talking, I felt overly protective.

I m afraid your user name gave me some thoughts

Why would my name give you concern

I tried loads and thought of it as a laugh, and it wasn't taken

I often wonder about the age group on here as well and find some woman very aggressive in their replies

I often wonder about the age group on here as well and find some woman very aggressive in their replies

Generally speaking older women and men but there are some younger ones too, which I presume you may be Toyoung.

No-one has been aggressive.
It's just that you don't seem to like a response from anyone who may not agree with you or think your DS and DIL should decide, so why did you ask?

Ps should your name not be Tooyoungtobeadamnedgran?

Answering your title: yes, you are being overdramatic.

If you react in real life like you did here, it is not about the dog.
It is about your inability to accept their wishes.

Cheeky I was only looking for an other opinion I do respect their wishes and maybe I am to young to be a Grandma but didn't realise there was an age limit before you could enter the Grandma stage

Im actually a very calm person unlike you obviously

Sorry that you don't like hearing what most of us think. You wanted us all to agree that your family was being unreasonable but we just don't.

The dog aside, it seems like you are asking two things, Toyoungtobeadamnedgran,:

1. Have others experienced the moving of goalposts? Yes. I think it is because the parents feel they are backed into a corner or trying to delay "handing over" their baby. First feelings often change the more important the child becomes to Mum and the realisation of how vulnerable they are. The anxiety often lessens with time but it is very common especially with hormones running amok.
2. Is it normal to need to be around with their child whenever you are around? Once again, this is perfectly normal for this generation and probably quite often in my generation. I can remember my husband being horrified when my daughter asked me to look after her baby at the same age whilst she and her husband took a break. He wouldn't have considered that option. However, I would. Yes, I worried when I did it with mine but I knew she was in safe hands, I was contactable and a very short distance away. We are just all so different. My DIL only handed over her son when she had to go back to work when my GS was 10 months old.
I like your name and can see your humour in it, btw. Please don't take it personally that the parents are being the way they are. I think if you accept it gracefully and don't keep trying to find ways to get around it, they will eventually relax.

Cheeky I was only looking for an other opinion
No you weren't really because you didn't welcome other opinions.

BTW, are you a new poster, Toyoungtobeadamnedgrandma?

If so, welcome.

I think you are going to have to abide by the new parents wishes ( as many of us have to do!) so rather than alienate the parents in the long run, work with their rules. As they become more confident parents I am sure they will relax a little in the future, but if the dog has shown any tendancies towards possessive or aggressive behaviour, you are unlikely to persuade them otherwise at the moment, so don't try. They will make their own judgement when they see the dog behaving well and when they think it is safe to introduce your dog to their baby.

Some posters on here seem to have formed an unfavourable opinion of Toyoung based on her choice of username, and have even questioned the way she has chosen to spell it. She feels she should explain her choice of name, and has done so. It’s no wonder she feels there is some underlying aggression in some people’s comments.
She has explained that she is new to Gransnet - why should she be asked twice if this is the case?
She has been accused of not liking people’s answers, despite the fact she has thanked people several times.
Sometimes on Gransnet I can understand a poster feeling that others are piling in with implied, if not overt, criticism, and it’s little wonder if they then react defensively.

A lot of posters are getting very emotional and bringing in irrelevant arguments about what has happened to them when they were a child, or to other children who have been attacked by dogs. Others just don't like dogs and are bringing in ridiculous hygiene concerns, as if dogs haven't lived alongside families for thousands of years.
The OP has made it quite clear that she has put precautions in place so that the dog wouldn't be there when she has the baby. So, we can put that to one side and look at other concerns.
You say your son doesn't want you to put the dog in the (very luxurious sounding) kennel. Why would this be? Does he think that you wouldn't keep to your side of the bargain and let the dog back in the house? If so, you need to re-assure them (and stick to it rigorously, even if the dog is barking or crying). Maybe invite the parents to stay during the first visit to see how things work out.
"What if she breaks down the doors?" - what kind of dog are we talking about? Is she capable of breaking down doors, or is this an excuse? Again, you need to meet this worry with assurances.
If the concerns they have raised have been met and they are still reticent to let the baby visit your house, you need to calmly get to the bottom of it, the dog may be an excuse for other issues (which may be something as simple as them not being ready to be separated from the baby yet).
Hope you grow to form a great relationship with your GS - it's early days!

Bottom line: son & DIL do not want the dog to be around, or anywhere near their child. It is their child and they get to call the shots. So, you either comply and get time to spend time with your grandchild. Or you don't. And you don't. Simple.

I feel for you here but like most people I think you are onto a loser. My daughter didn’t even want her own, very calm and lovely Jack Russell in the house with her new baby so we took her in while the dog got used to the baby under close supervision. At about three months we went in a joint family holiday with the dog and then they took her back home with them. She ignored the baby and has been fantastic with him. We would never ever trust a dog totally as they are animals. Babies are very annoying to dogs too, full of sounds and smells that can attract them to the baby. Hopefully this will resolve eventually and you can only be patient. Good luck

Delila

Some posters on here seem to have formed an unfavourable opinion of Toyoung based on her choice of username, and have even questioned the way she has chosen to spell it. She feels she should explain her choice of name, and has done so. It’s no wonder she feels there is some underlying aggression in some people’s comments.
She has explained that she is new to Gransnet - why should she be asked twice if this is the case?
She has been accused of not liking people’s answers, despite the fact she has thanked people several times.
Sometimes on Gransnet I can understand a poster feeling that others are piling in with implied, if not overt, criticism, and it’s little wonder if they then react defensively.

I agree with you Delila xx

i think that it doesn't really matter why the parents don't want their baby going to your house.
perhaps there has been some misunderstanding, and you thought that by making arrangements for the dog, there would be no further problem.
you just have to accept that it is not on the agenda. the parents do not have to explain themselves.

Ok so maybe I’m getting the wrong end of the stick here, but I’m getting that you want your GC brought to your home on your terms OP?
Given that baby is only months old and the amount of luggage you need to cart around I can see why it may be more convenient for the new parents to have visitors come to them.
By your own admission you can’t discuss the issue without getting emotional - which isn’t a productive way to have a conversation. In fact most rational adults would see tears as a form of manipulation when someone cries regularly as a method to get their own way. I’m not saying this is a deliberate tactic - in fact I tend to get watery eyes when I’m angry, sad, happy etc etc.
To try and make progress could you try and boil down what you actually want? So maybe text or email and ask - if it’s convenient could you drive over with baby and we can go for a walk around my area (obviously due to COVID)?
Like others have said the dog issue really is a parenting choice which unfortunately you have zero say in, maybe try not to get so wrapped up in arguing your case about the dog and precautions and instead try to find a middle ground that you can live with?

Completely agree with you Caragran!!!

Thanks for comments and I'm glad some of you realised I was actually meaning did anyone have the goalposts moved when arrangements where in place and then they weren't

The dog was never going to walk with me to their house nor was dog to be in the same room as baby after our discussion when GS was born
I don't drive that's the reason I walk to GS house
My son was happily and carefully brought up with cats and dogs and any other animal he collected along the way as he grew up, but I know it's their child their rules, I just get frustrated when people think I DONT GET THAT or KNOW THAT
I never got emotional to make anyone feel sorry for me or blackmail them, I mean I get emotional when I tell friends and feel sad that things are changing again when I was looking forward to GS coming with his parents to visit.

I could go on all day and explain myself till I'm blue in the face to every comment but it's not important that you all know what or how I feel, when I only wanted to know if anyone had been in that position or felt the same way

If I didn't explain myself clearly enough then I suppose I only have myself to blame for that but I don't feel sorry for myself as some of you may think

Please everyone this is not going well

.Tooyoungtobe came on here for support

. Its OK if you have an opinion but I don't think its OK to make Too young feel upset.

Everyone on here have been so lovely I don't know whats gone wrong

Please let's not make Too young feel bad

This is a public forum and she asked for suggestions.

What she read didnt match what she expected to hear (support her or magoc wand how to make it go her way)

I am not responsible for what and how other person chooses to feel.

I have no control over another person's actions.

OP I didn’t mean that you’re deliberately being manipulative with your emotional response, by my own admission I am emotional too. From my own experience I’m saying that it can be perceived by others as emotional blackmail. My advice was to mitigate this potential perception. It’s difficult, believe me I know how hard it is to try and remain calm. My point was that rather than stewing in your hurt, maybe try and have a think about the situation and ways that could maybe make you feel better about it whilst still respecting the boundaries your son has in place. Hence the recommendation that you maybe meet in the middle (either figuratively or geographically). I’ve found the easiest way for me to bring up subjects that I know might make me teary is via text or email, that way I can think about the language I use etc.
I can only apologise if you felt my comment was unsupportive, it was meant as an alternative that might actually help you change a situation that’s obviously making you very sad.

It's ok lolo81 I'm glad it's not just me who get emotional and the tears flow.
I'm not looking for a magic wand if I was I would have wrote to Harry Potter !!!
I understand their concerns, took them on board and except it for what it is, as a friend said it's a marathon not a sprint.
I was just a bit worried when I said earlier that GS wouldn't get to know me is because his mother is a school teacher and going back to work after Christmas and I'm one of the people who is going to look after GS when she's back at work. That is why I thought he should know me and feel safe and not a stranger.......
oh and the dog does go out with a walker as I have my own business in the doggy walking world and he sometimes takes her home with him as his kids adore her.
I hope everyone knows I wouldn't ever put a child in danger with any dog let alone my own family.
Thanks once again for all the comments and input

Where will you be watching Your GC tooyoung? At their place or yours?

I’m curious why you can’t go into their house now, but you have an expectation that they can go into yours?