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Miss, Ms or Mrs

(230 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Thu 10-Dec-20 08:16:53

I sent a Xmas card to a newly separated lady the other day and received a very curt text telling me off as I had put the incorrect title. She said I should have written Miss and not Ms.... I on the other hand have been widowed for 12 years and hesitate when asked what my title is. I am not married so object to Mrs but feel that Miss is also wrong as it denotes never married. Ms just sounds too hard feminist to me so I hesitate over what I am. Can we just forget titles and call people by their name, it feels such an outdated thing to do and really it means nothing apart from putting us in outdated boxes. What to you do or think?

NanaPlenty Fri 11-Dec-20 10:06:49

Wouldn’t you just be pleased to get a card! Surely there are more important things to worry about ?

moorlikeit Fri 11-Dec-20 10:07:19

"I use Ms for everyone, whether married, single, widowed or divorced. That’s the point of it ... not to confer a particular status or judgement on a woman because she is married or divorced or whatever."

Exactly correct Nortsat. Labelling women in this way is abhorrent in these hopefully more enlightened times. It is frustrating when people fail to understand the logic behind the use of Ms.

susieboo Fri 11-Dec-20 10:08:38

What a rude lady m cross her off next year’s Christmas card list x

MummyJoJo62 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:08:40

Well here's the thing!
I never address any female other than Ms even my young nieces I think its outdated and sexist as no male is ever categorised by their married status and therefore never judged!
Chidden born "out of wedlock" does not affect their reputation does it?? I rest my case!

inishowen Fri 11-Dec-20 10:08:50

When my husband was in the army my mail was addressed as such WO Cpl John *****. I was "wife of"! No status whatsoever, even though I also had a job in the army.

jaylucy Fri 11-Dec-20 10:08:56

I hate Ms. I am divorced and have always used Mrs but have still kept my married surname.
You were obviously meant to be a mind reader and as she is recently divorced, she probably wants to turn the clock back as if she was never married! Rude of her to berate you for such a simple thing though!
Just glad that I'm not from my parent's generation - when you got married, you changed your title to Mrs and also lost your christian name to become Mrs John Smith and only got it back either as a divorcee or as a widow!

Lilythepink Fri 11-Dec-20 10:11:40

Honestly, some people, eh?! I think this probably has more to do with her feeling a little prickly about her new situation rather than something you’ve done wrong. She’ll come round soon enough and apologise, I’m sure. In the meantime give yourself a pat on the back for being such a considerate friend.

MollyG Fri 11-Dec-20 10:13:14

I wouldn’t bother sending her a card next year

piano0156 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:15:59

It annoys me that a man only has the title Mr so noone knows his status but for a woman you know if she's married or not or divorces.!!!!

buylocal Fri 11-Dec-20 10:17:24

All titles are ridiculous. They are just a sneaky way of letting others know of your lofty or lowly status or how desirable you are. Great for showing off or keeping others in their place.

Dianehillbilly1957 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:19:44

MR, next year!!!!!

RosieJ18 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:30:07

She’s obviously still raw about the separation .
Let it go and just put her initial next time .

annehinckley Fri 11-Dec-20 10:35:45

I don't like titles. When reading Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale I realised how easy it would be to freeze women's bank accounts etc by using the title. Why is it the first box on every form? It's rarely relevant!

Redgran18 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:41:11

Don’t be upset. Your friend needs to get over herself..

Saggi Fri 11-Dec-20 10:41:40

I’ve been addressing women as Ms. for past 20years.Mens’ marital status isn’t defined by their ‘titles’ why should we be? My husband has always refused to wear a wedding ring....so I took mine off after the ceremony! He didn’t like it...I told him I would be happy to wear it , when he would! But I do like the idea of calling everyone by just their names on envelopes.....and forms. Good idea.

Ellet Fri 11-Dec-20 10:43:40

For about 2 years I addressed Christmas and Birthday cards to my (now) DiL’s Mum using the same surname as my DiL. It was only when my husband did some legal work for her that he told me she uses her maiden name. I apologised profusely but she told me it wasn’t as important as receiving the cards.
Grandma70s my son went to a private school where all the female teachers were addressed as Miss all males Sir. I thought it lovely when a group of strapping sixth formers arriving back from a school trip said “thank you Miss” to their tiny, 50 something teacher. She just beamed at them all.

naheed Fri 11-Dec-20 10:45:00

Silly woman! I'd delete her from my Christmas list immediately! Life's too short and precious to be wasted on such rude and unkind people. Who needs people like that in their lives!

WOODMOUSE49 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:47:39

I agree with you Lucyloo12

It's about time the box we have to indicate this on many online forms should be made optional.

When sending to a friend I always put their first name. Just an initial seems impersonal.

Like a few others, I'd not send a card next year.

silverlining48 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:49:07

I have used Ms for myself since the early 70s. For the reasons already explained by others. After over 50 years married I have recently used Mrs but it still feel a bit strange.
I would not look kindly on being referred to as Mrs.Fred Silver. I am not invisible nor a possession.

crazygranny Fri 11-Dec-20 10:53:19

It never ceases to amaze me how people can use any excuse for ill-mannered behaviour. You weren't thoughtless enough to put her married title on the envelope. It is not at all clear that there is any correct form of address. You were kind enough to send someone a card and her only response is this!! I wouldn't bother again if I were you.

Nannina Fri 11-Dec-20 11:00:19

I’m divorced and don’t mind what I’m called as long as I’m not called late for my dinner grin

CrazyGrandma2 Fri 11-Dec-20 11:01:56

I gave up using titles many moons ago. Times aren't as formal as they used to be and as the OP has discovered it's also a potential minefield!

Joesoap Fri 11-Dec-20 11:04:36

Oh dear I am out of date having lived away from the UK for years didn’t know about the Ms thing I still send Mr and Mrs to a couple of Miss to a single person and probably always will until someone corrects me what on earth is all this fuss about why have people become so sensitive about something like this what is the world coming to. COVID effect?!!

Gilly1952 Fri 11-Dec-20 11:05:04

I’m back again! It really annoys me when filling in an application, etc for say an insurance quote and they ask for your “marital status”. What the hell does it matter? Are women seen as more likely to set the house on fire or something similar if we do not have a man living with us? Grrrrr.......

Lin663 Fri 11-Dec-20 11:08:07

Errr...she sounds like a cow...cross her off next year’s Christmas card list!