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Inverted snobbery or just jealousy?

(144 Posts)
Newatthis Sat 13-Mar-21 11:24:11

A friend has bought a beautiful villa in Spain and now lives there permanently, she also has another house in the UK. She and her husband have worked very hard all their lives and now they want their retirement to be in somewhere warm. She is a very generous person and has offered her family 'an open invitation ' whenever they want. Her husband's job took her to many different countries to live which she says she dares not mention to some of her family members as they have shown hostility towards her calling her a 'bragger and a snob' which she's not. They have become very jealous of what she's got, even though as mentioned they both have worked very hard for all they have. Has anyone else experienced this.

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:31:42

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

EllanVannin Sat 13-Mar-21 11:37:38

All I can say is well done to your friend. It wouldn't bother me one jot to hear about the fortunes of others after years of working, in fact I like hearing about those who've got on in life especially if it's your own family. Better that than falling on hard times !

I personally haven't come across anything like this among my friends. They're like myself, only too happy to see or hear how someone's got on, particularly those deserving of it.

Blossoming Sat 13-Mar-21 11:38:13

Yes, from a couple of in laws, but I don’t care 😊

Pantglas2 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:39:25

There will always be the grudging minority Newatthis - in families, friends and indeed, on Gransnet.......

Thankfully, that’s what they are and everyone will know them for that - grudging and a minority🙂

greenlady102 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:40:42

yes. My late husbands family all excepting my lovely late MiL who was a widow when I met DH. Her family thought she was getting above herself because her sons passed the 11 plus and went to grammar school and again because they both did professional qualifications instead of apprenticeships. Then MiL who lived in a city at the time met a lovely man who was the landlord (rented not owned) of a country pub and he proposed to her. That was deemed so snobbish that they cut her off completely. She was very hurt by it, that her own siblings could behave in such a way.

gt66 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:41:54

Whitewavemark2

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

What a condescending reply! I expect you've made the OP feel really bad!

I'm sick to death of these kind of replies and is why I've never started a thread myself; I've seen so many replies like this from posters asking a perfectly innocent question. I wonder how many other members out there that feel like this?

TrendyNannie6 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:44:33

Good luck to them that’s what I say, worked hard and it’s paid of, I can’t stand jealousy, we love to hear that people have done well in life,

Vickysponge Sat 13-Mar-21 11:46:01

Whitewavemark2

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

Yes, I’m sure you’ll give us a list in due course. 🙄

Alexa Sat 13-Mar-21 11:46:03

Your friend might be lonely as she has grown beyond those family members. I have noticed some people are rude about people who have joined another social class or income group.

I hope your generous friend will make nice new friends who have something in common with her.

Vickysponge Sat 13-Mar-21 11:47:14

TrendyNannie6

Good luck to them that’s what I say, worked hard and it’s paid of, I can’t stand jealousy, we love to hear that people have done well in life,

Completely agree and agree with gt66.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:47:21

I am always happy to see people succeed and then go on to enjoy their lives.

Envy/inverted snobbery whatever you call it is just horrid.

Antonia Sat 13-Mar-21 11:55:10

I think it's jealousy. A human emotion, unfortunately. Success, at least in the west, is defined by possessions, and people who possess tangible assets are bound to attract jealousy. Mostly it is hidden, but it is often under the surface and can lead to catty comments. Best to ignore, so good luck to your friends in Spain.

GagaJo Sat 13-Mar-21 11:56:38

I have moved way outside of the lives and experiences of everyone I know from school and my family. No one minds or holds it against me (other than possibly my SiL, but she has lots of issues, not just with me).

In my experience, it is about how you present yourself. No one is bothered about my life and what I do or don't have. I am exactly the same grumpy, down to earth curmudgeon that I have always been.

Possibly the phrase, 'they have both worked very hard for all they have' is a clue. A lot of people work very hard and due to social conditions / life, do not manage to rise out of the basics of life. My mother is one example. She has worked her fingers to the bone and is still poor. Someone saying, 'Oh but we earned it' would be galling to her because it implies that those that aren't lucky haven't worked as hard.

They are lucky is all. As am I.

eazybee Sat 13-Mar-21 12:08:43

It is people's perceptions.
I knew someone whose brother in law did extremely well; he and her sister were very generous; every year they treated her to a week in London, gave her a fantastic time and she enjoyed every minute. Her husband refused to go because he thought it was patronising. They would liked to have shared so much more but the husband wouldn't accept it.
Sad.

nanasam Sat 13-Mar-21 12:28:54

I'm with you gt66

muse Sat 13-Mar-21 12:36:12

gt66

Whitewavemark2

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

What a condescending reply! I expect you've made the OP feel really bad!

I'm sick to death of these kind of replies and is why I've never started a thread myself; I've seen so many replies like this from posters asking a perfectly innocent question. I wonder how many other members out there that feel like this?

Too right gt66.

M0nica Sat 13-Mar-21 12:37:06

It is jealousy and envy, nothing else. Both nasty mean vices.

Aveline Sat 13-Mar-21 12:39:36

I'm always happy to hear of others who have done well. I've become suspicious of people who complain of others 'bragging'. I always think its says more about them than about the people they complain about.

PippaZ Sat 13-Mar-21 12:56:32

Whitewavemark2

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

I'm sure there are Whitewavemark2, and there is such a thing as judging your audience. I have a feeling anyone constantly talking about themselves would find their family/friends slowly drifting away. Having said that it is a problem of lockdown where many of us shut in our homes have little else they can refer too and you can only ask so often "how was your day" when the answer is always "I was in meetings (zoom style) all day".

GillT57 Sat 13-Mar-21 13:19:12

There is a peculiar British characteristic of resenting other people's success, and delighting in their downfall. One only has to see the nastier end of the tabloid press for this. Having said that, many people work hard and don't achieve all they should or want to, some work hard and then lose it through unfortunate and/or unforeseen circumstances, and others are just plain lucky! Good luck to your friend, I wish her happiness and good health and enjoyment in her lovely home in the sun.

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Mar-21 13:44:55

But people who make their jealousy and snobbery obvious are people to ignore. I simply can’t be doing with such silly behaviour, and as I said I’m sure the person enjoying her life in Spain and wherever will be sensible and not give it too much thought as I’m sure she can think of other stuff far more important to worry about.

All power to her elbow I say.

M0nica Sat 13-Mar-21 22:40:08

The problem is jealousy often leads to spite and people going out of their way to do something to hurt or interfere with the person they are jealous of.

Urmstongran Sat 13-Mar-21 23:07:18

I often find in life, if you’re happy in your own skin and with your lot in life you don’t envy others. If you’re lacking something - money, choices, peace of mind - for whatever reason - it’s harder not to.

CanadianGran Sun 14-Mar-21 07:46:29

We have some friends who have done very well for themselves, now have successful business, large house with view and swimming pool etc. He has two brothers that have never made any good decisions and have wasted money and opportunities when they came around.

I know the brothers have each at some point come to the successful brother to bail them out or expect a loan for some ill-advised project. They have been very resentful when he has refused them. As it is, one of the brothers shows up with family including grandchildren expecting to be pampered for a week at his brothers as if it were a hotel. It has caused much tension over the years between our friends as a couple. The wife puts on a good face, but has no respect for the brothers. We know the whole family (these were my DH's best bud growing up and his brothers), and have heard a few snide remarks over the years. It's a bit hard to hear. Too bad people have to be that way.