Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Inverted snobbery or just jealousy?

(145 Posts)
Newatthis Sat 13-Mar-21 11:24:11

A friend has bought a beautiful villa in Spain and now lives there permanently, she also has another house in the UK. She and her husband have worked very hard all their lives and now they want their retirement to be in somewhere warm. She is a very generous person and has offered her family 'an open invitation ' whenever they want. Her husband's job took her to many different countries to live which she says she dares not mention to some of her family members as they have shown hostility towards her calling her a 'bragger and a snob' which she's not. They have become very jealous of what she's got, even though as mentioned they both have worked very hard for all they have. Has anyone else experienced this.

LesLee7 Wed 17-Mar-21 22:23:10

Totally agree with gt66 - comments by Whitewave2 totally uncalled for. If you can't say anything nice don't bother saying anything at all.

Thistlelass Thu 18-Mar-21 23:14:49

Well it is the issue of work hard and you will get it all that upsets people. Many graft at very demanding jobs and in work settings which can be stressful and dangerous. They honestly do their best to help themselves but remain in a poor material and financial position in comparison to some. I have a view that each one of us is sent to earth to live a certain life experience. There can be themes and patterns to that life. We all have evolvement lessons to try to take on board during our lifetime. A 'successful' life will try and identify and learn their lifetime lessons. They must also recognise the body means nothing. It is just the vessel that carries us through life. We are energy. Spiritual energy. It does not matter if you are the wealthiest person on earth, who has worked hard and travelled all over the world. If you cannot go deeper than the superficial level then the ultimate lessons of the lifetime have not been met.

welbeck Fri 19-Mar-21 00:35:43

that's an interesting view.

GagaJo Fri 19-Mar-21 10:56:37

I am not a Christian. But often, the teachings of the bible are just common sense.

'It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'

If we are lucky enough to have acquired property, belongings or gained financially, we should be grateful and humble. We are no better than those who have been less lucky who may have worked just as hard.

nanna8 Fri 19-Mar-21 11:52:03

I know quite a few people who are very, very rich by anyone’s standards but really as you get older it seems most people look for more than this and whether or not you are a pleasant, well balanced person. The rich ones are not often the nicest ones, in fact the reverse tends to be true. Sad.

GagaJo Fri 19-Mar-21 12:20:57

Exactly nanna8. All of that 'keeping up appearances' and 'keeping up with the Jones' (other GN members)'. Life is too short.

Iam64 Fri 19-Mar-21 12:53:14

Six pages, with so any people castigating Whitewave for a brief response on page 1. The irony is that some Whitewave critics use the if you haven’t anything good to say, don’t say anything.
I saw nothing wrong in Whitewave’s comment by the way.

Whitewavemark2 Fri 19-Mar-21 13:43:07

😄 I dashed the first post off meaning something entirely different to what subsequent posters decided I meant. I then gave a more detailed explanation, which everyone appears to have ignored.

Difficult to come to no other conclusion than people just like to put the boot in.

Oh well whatever floats your boat.

Thank you for your comment though iam64

cc Sun 21-Mar-21 11:03:24

We're lucky enough to have a second home in this country as we decided years ago that we'd rather spend our money on this than on expensive foreign holidays for our family of six. At the time the cost was about the same.
We're very careful not to mention this in front of some people we know as it would set off a tirade about the inequity of life, even though we know many of them go on several expensive overseas trips every year.
Equally we wouldn't want to "rub peoples'noses in it" so, although we lend it to friends we try not to be flash about it.

Tanjamaltija Sun 21-Mar-21 12:50:38

Some people do not know how to be happy for others. That is all there is to it. There are people who will not even tell you your children are pretty / handsome, or that a certain colour suits you, or that they are glad you got a promotion / scholarship. Who cares? Let's not allow people to live rent-free in our heads.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 21-Mar-21 17:10:40

What a shame. Many years ago MIL/FIL won a holiday. We were happy for them but when she told her eldest son (DH's brother and wife) about it they were met with hostile stares, not even a 'well done' or 'congratulations' could they mutter. How mean-spirited is that? To begrudge his own mother. I'm afraid some people are just like that.

Jaxie Tue 23-Mar-21 14:43:35

I am not stirring the pot; I just think that during the isolation of lock down some of us are suffering with tender sensibilities that mean we just can’t cope with even mild criticism.

Eloethan Wed 31-Mar-21 19:21:51

I assume it is not the person who owns the house abroad and who very kindly offers it to family and friends to stay in who made the comment about "working very hard". I assume it is the OP who said that and I agree that it is rather an annoying comment because, as has been said, lots of people work very hard in difficult jobs but they never get much for their labour.

As for people sometimes feeling jealous, I admit to occasionally feeling a bit jealous of some things, and I would be very surprised if I am alone in that. I agree it is an unpleasant and irrational response that should be resisted but we are not all lovely, rational people all of the time.

I agree with Iam64 that Whitewave did not deserve such criticism for her brief remark.

lemsip Wed 31-Mar-21 20:02:30

Whitewavemark2

I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.

.

I agree with your comment , and would ask the op does her 'friend know she has posted her business on here.

can't believe the 6 pages and growing.

KALISSY Fri 16-Apr-21 17:50:12

We are moving up to the Highlands and every time we tell someone they say “ooo I’m jealous” why should they be? I would never in a million years say this to people,I would smile and wish them well. There is no need for jealousy it’s just childish and comes from a bad place .

GagaJo Sat 17-Apr-21 22:38:37

KALISSY, I think when people say it in that way, it is a compliment to your choice. It doesn't mean actual jealousy. It is saying, 'Oh, how lovely.'

sodapop Sun 18-Apr-21 08:38:51

Yes I agree GagaJo maybe envious or lucky would be better words.

Kim19 Sun 18-Apr-21 08:42:22

Gosh, the very thought of managing another property as well as the one I have here leaves me cold. No jealousy here.

nanna8 Sun 18-Apr-21 09:17:21

It is different here. Many of us have beach houses as well as our main house. That’s just how it is and it doesn’t mean you are rich. Because it is so common there is no boasting involved and most people share their beach places with family and friends - in fact our family are at ours a lot more often than we are and that makes me happy because the little kids love the beach and I never got that chance to go when I was a kid. I’d rather spend money on that than clothes and shoes. Inverted snobbery is a funny thing, isn’t it ?