Is it wrong to not let MIl have LO every week?

Grandparents have no rights over their grandchildren! Don’t let her bully you.

I think you've answered your own question really havent you?

We dont really know the people involved, only you do, so you must make the decision.

You do not need the permission of unknown grannies to put your conscience at peace.

What does your partner say to his mother's demands?

My partners a bit soft? Mil has definitely been telling him how she doesnt get to see LO enough, thay she never gets to babysit etc. So whenever I'm tierd or want to go for a walk, have a day out.. he just says, take her to see MIL instead. Hes not very helpful he just goes along with everything and doesnt care to listen to the issues I have.

Your child your rules Abbie you don't mention how your husband feels about all this. You need to decide what amount of time you want your child to spend with his parents together and stick to it.
As midgey said don't let her bully you.

This all sounds quite familiar, did you post about a similar situation before?

Everyone will post the same response. No you are not being unreasonable or selfish, this is your child if you are uncomfortable about your m-i-law's ridiculous expectations, and they are, then you have to make that clear to her, in fact her son, your partner should be telling her. why isn't he?

The fact of the matter is you are not alone, these situations come up time and time again, more so on MN. Seeing a grandchild 5 times a week is an awful lot, excessive if, you the mother feel under pressure and stressed out on those occasions. It's only reasonable to leave a young grandchild, and at 18 months, she is not much more than a baby, overnight if both parties are happy with that, clearly you aren't and your judgement and feelings are paramount. As for her being rude to you, I'd just cut off contact for a while, she can't come into your house if you don't answer the door.

You are being bullied, once again get your partner to tell his mother to back off.

Good luck.

Then it's really a husband problem you have. He is more bothered by upsetting her than upsetting you. I would suggest if she messages you, you tell her you'll pass it on to your oh. Ignore the requests for babysitting. If she ramps the complaints up, pass them on to your oh. Ask how he is going to solve it. His mother, his problem. Easier said than done, I know.

Even when I was pregnant I had a gut feeling that MIl always wanted to treat my baby like hers, sees her as a secound chance and the baby girl shes always wanted. I can understand it to some extent, if I ever become a nan I'd be able to reminse on being a mum to a small child. I trust mil with LO but feels like she wants to take her away from me and want her to need her more than me. Mim wants lo to cry for her so bad, taunts her as she leaves by opening and closing the front door. Calling her name so she sees mil is about to leave. Lo never cries for her as she isnt the clingy type, but if she makes the slightest noise (could be for a toy.. anything) she will walk back in and go awwww I'm here ? it makes me cringe so bad. Along with the pressure that's pushing me away, she gives me a weird vibe. My family love lo to bits, can play with her, do whatever. But when it comes to mil she just seem to have a different motive, like she is trying to take her away, so I get protective and refuse to leave LO with her and stop her creating the mother and daughter bond she is trying to create with her. This was hard to admit, its embarrassing but I like to know if I am being stupid ?

I do find threads like these rather difficult to get my head around TBH. Just say no to the things you don't want to do.

I think you got a lot of good advice a few months ago. This is your child, but also your husbands. So you must try and agree a course of action with him or you will always have a problem.

It's hard to just say no. When I say no to her haveing LO she will visit unannounced, knowing that I dont like It. She knows I'm in because she can hear Lo running around and the nursery rhymes in the background. If I dont answer she will continue to knock and knock, then go to the back door. It's hard to get out of

Your baby is only 18 months old! She does not need overnight stays. If MIL wants your little one overnight it is purely for her benefit and that is of no value to your child. Do not feel guilty about turning to your family first for child care - it is a very natural thing to do. I always felt very safe when my children were in my mother's care - she was my mum! My daughters are just the same , trust me implicitly. IMO your daughter does not need weekends away from you just so MIL can satisfy her own needs. Sounds as though she sees quite a lot of her anyway. Please do not feel intimidated by her demands, if you can get your husband onside, use your parental rights . Follow your instinct and do not be bullied! This is your child and your rules. Be brave and good luck.

Sounds like that you have asked for help here before but perhaps haven’t had the follow through at home when dealing with MIL and haven’t had the back up of DH.

Sit dh down and explain the situation as is isn’t working for you. You and dc are the priority now. Clearly you have been pushed and pushed so much that now everything she does malicious or not irritates you. I think you need a wee break from the visits. Perhaps have a whole week off, then gently scale back to once a week until your relationship is better with MIL. I battled my own MIL and lost, she completely took over my children’s childhoods. So you need to be firm now or you will be resentful of mil and dh permanently. Explain that to him, it is his mum, and he needs be proactive to help you scale it back. You need time with your family too, and it’s not for her to try and wheedle for more.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt

Same as the above.it`s a long time ago but i can`t remember my mil haveing my sons for more than an hour and the amount of times i could count on one hand.
Your child end of.

For some context, my mum died when my children were still young, and still feel terrible guilt she had so little time with them as my mil completely took over. My mum never complained and was so polite and never brought it up to me, but I now realise it must have been very hard for her. I’m still extremely resentful of mil for being so pushy and greedy and for dh always bowing to what mummy wanted.

Now things are opening up you could start going to mother and toddler groups so you are not always available. You just need to be firm it’s good in one way she wants involvement. However her demanding sounds over the top and not necessary.

Your husband needs to man up and tell his mum that you don’t need a baby sitter. Also grandchild does not need to stay over as she lives close by.

I don’t know why she would be but if she is rude cut conversation or text short. As I said you just need to be assertive. You never know there may be a time when her help may be welcome.

Was it you who got a lot of advice previously?
You ll only get the same advice I think…. do what is reasonable you you
I ve only realised through reading these threads that although I really, really liked my mother in law a whole lot, I never went to her for anything, she did live 3 hours away and mum and dad were in the same town, but even so when we went to stay I never left my babies with her You know your own family their habits and ways so it’s only natural to go to them and not in laws I think most grans of boys accept this I certainly did my sons two children have a Nan and grandad nearby so I knew I d take a very very back seat ….that’s life, your daughter is not your mother in laws toy
Do what is comfortable for you

She is your child, you decide how often she sees her grandparents.

Personally, I would be very wary and careful with a grandmother who wants, essentially, to take the baby away from you and bring her up herself.

It sounds as if she has nothing else to do with her life so has tried to wind it round her grandchild. Was she a possessive mother, has she been overpresent in her son's life? Why do you live so near her? Was this your DH's decision?

The bests solution to this problem is to move somewhere at least 30 minutes travel away from her. Failing that draw up a time table for yourself of times when it would be convenent for MiL to come round or you to visit and stick to it come hell( your MiL) or high water (your DH?)

Yes it is hard to say no, I had to do so myself but if you want this to stop you have to do so.

As for her continuing to knock if you don't answer the door, shut yourself in a bedroom with LO and some music playing until she goes away.

Sorry to sound harsh but you have posted about this before and the only one who can do something about this is you, and if your H wont support you, you'll have do deal with it on your own.

Oh for goodness sake! - this is small human being, not a parcel! She is not something to be handed around as a treat!

Everything that happens with her is dictated by your decisions as a parent as to what is best for her - end of story. What MIL thinks is best for her (MIL) is entirely irrelevant.

Just put your foot down: " We will let you know if we need you to look after her." Stick with that mantra.

Your MIL sounds selfish, greedy and insensitive. Could you be assertive enough to just say to her firmly, "no, that doesn't work for me. Please be grateful that you already get to see LO so much." If you feel too intimidated to say it to her face, send her that exact message in a very brief letter. Don't try to appease or apologise for your stance. She'd just take you doing so as a sign of weakness. And stick to your guns. Since your husband sounds like a bit of a mummy's boy, you should probably explain to him that MIL has pushed you to the end of your tether and you expect him to do his duty as your husband and support you in your decision. Good luck!

If my Mother-in-law (or anyone) had been like this I would have gone mad. Personally I would have been looking to move by now!

BUT you need a chat with your husband. He needs to be your support, and he needs to be aware of the effect on you.

If you can't move I'd go out a lot - I do know this is cowardly but actually, going out is great with littleones and gets this stuff out of our heads. Invite other mums over too - "sorry I have guests today" and as others gave said, Ideally say "no, I'm sorry it's not convenient, can you come on Friday instead?"

Good luck.

BTW. I would not acquiesce to handing the toddler over. This was a firm no to me.

Abbie I think you have posted before about this problem.

It seems to me that your M.I.L is seeing enough of your LO possibly tooo much although as you live in the same road she probably thinks she can just take over whenever she wants to.
Put your foot down and stop being bullied get your H to support you and live your own life. It is too much invasion on you has your M.I.L got other GC she can visit or other friends to see she cannot demand your attention all the time.

I do sympathize , it really is difficult to be assertive if that is out of character for you. However the behaviour of your MIL is bizarre, you feel she is trying to take your daughter from you , that will never happen, but those feelings you have raise a few red flags ! Continuous knocking on your door is not normal behaviour! For goodness sake make your rules very clear indeed to her. Your husband may well feel difficult about standing up to her . Has she dominated him throughout his life ? Get your heads together , decide how much access she is allowed and how that access is managed . Tell her together of your decision , be firm and not back down! If you are unable to make her see sense the answer is simple - move away . Not necessarily too far but far enough to make it impossible for her to come knocking on your door!!! Just go for it , she is very possessive and I'd behaving badly. She has had her family , this is your child - not hers !!!!