Is it wrong to not let MIl have LO every week?

Your child, your rules. I do like the idea of going upstairs or as far as you can from the door and playing loud music until she goes away. If she comments then you can simply suggest that she lets you know in advance if she'd like to come.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

March

A child/toddler can stay at a grandparents at any age if the parents agree.
Grandparents can have asmuch time alone, can go on walks, baby classes , can babysit and all that ASLONG as the parents agree.

The trouble is when Grandparents think they have a right to these things and push and pressure, usually the mother, into these things.
That isn't right or fair.

Absolutely agree with this!

There is no reason, whatsoever, why a child of ANY age should not stay overnight with grandparents, as long as it's OK with the parents. And, if the child has a close relationship with the GPs, there's less chance that the child will not be happy, or feel it's been 'deserted'.

Sadly, there are some GPs (often paternal) who aren't given the chance to develop such a close relationship, as it's often the maternal GPs who are favoured by the mother. I'm not referring to the OP in this case, but it's just a general, factual observance.

My parents had my son overnight when he was just a few weeks old, as we had been invited to a very special event. When he was a toddler, they would take him sometimes on a Friday night, along with my daughter when she came along. It gave DH and I a much needed break, for which we were very grateful! There was no reason why I wouldn't have allowed my MiL to have them overnight, but she already had other grandchildren, and was often quite busy! MiL was a real 'earth mother' type, and when they were a little older, she would have all her grandchildren for sleepovers, in sleeping bags on the lounge floor! They loved it!

I find it quite sad that some children grow up never knowing the closeness that I experienced with my own GPs, or the closeness my own children had with their GPs. Unfortunately, Covid has currently put a stop to many of us developing this with our own grandchildren. I know that my DS and DiL can't wait for things to get back to some kind of normality, so that our little grandchildren can get to know both sets of their GPs properly again!

Sorry, I did digress a little there, from the OP! I just wanted to say that I think it's a shame that some young mums deliberately prevent their children from experiencing the wonderful relationship that many children have with their GPs. It's a very special relationship worth having, but I understand that some people have never experienced it themselves, so they see no need to nurture it for their own children.

I'm not referring to cases such as the OP, as I do realise that all GPs are different, and some may not want that kind of relationship with their GC, or they can be an absolute nightmare/pushy/demanding, as in the OPs case.

Good posts March and Nansnet.

My pal has been discussing this situation with me AbbieS9812 I cannot follow the thread myself and remember all but I think I have the gist. (I have Alzheimers)

I personally find it perplexing that you have gone through childbirth and are caring for a baby, yet find it impossible to utter the word 'no' to those you are at odds with. My personal advice would be to find some big girl pants and get on with it.

You can complain/worry/cogitate forever, but only you can take decisive action. This will apply to many many future things in your career of parenthood, which is often a difficult path. I wish you well.

I would not upset your MIL by being too blunt. It sounds as if she may feel lonely or may be depressed and consequently this has made her needy. Obviously she needs to have another focus other than your LO and perhaps your DH could suggest that to her. I can understand how much she wants to see LO so please do not hurt her. You need to be tactful and I am sure there must be a happy compromise.

grandtanteJE65

I’d really like to know what you base this statement on “
NO child of eighteen months should be staying with any relative at all overnight unless the child's parents are also there

No parents need to compromise with anybody how to raise their kid

Our own expectations hurt us.