Grandparents don't help or make effort

www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/1302424-DIL-here-can-I-get-some-help-understanding-why-there-s-such-an-expectation-of-alone-time

I think grandparents need legislation setting out exactly what is required of them by their DILs.

It does at times seem like a no win situation. GP's are criticised for wanting too much contact with their GC and GP's are criticised for not wanting enough.

GP's are told when their expectations aren't being met that they need to lower them and the same applies for the parents. Why is it so difficult to discuss this issue with those concerned? To reach a point of mutual understanding and where appropriate make compromises?

The arrival of a new baby is supposed to bring joy to a family, not create a battle ground.

I suppose we all arrive at parenting/grand parenting with different experiences and expectations of what those roles mean. I think most difficulties in relationships between those parties come from upset over unmet expectations. It is probably good to think about where the child in law has come from with their own experiences of those roles, not just how it was for our own children. I think grandmothers and grandfathers sometimes expect that their own GC will be as involved as their own parents were. New parents might expect similar, as far as their own experience with their grandparents. When that's very different, it can equal discontent and trouble if one side feels slighted by the differences.

I couldn't agree more. Why do some commenters need to be so harsh? As a grandma I can't understand the attitude of these inlaws but received the same treatment from my own mother many years ago. Hence my dds never had a relationship with her and when she got old she wondered why. Try inviting them to do more but if they don't take you up value friends and other relatives instead. It's their loss and they will realise one day.