What would you think if you received this?

Let them get on with it . Put a few rules in place when they come to visit you .

I think the note is perfectly acceptable after the back story. Covid is scary enough, even scarier for a new parent, especially if they will be recovering from surgery...No, I would not have wanted to take a tour and stop by my Mums house to show off the baby on my way home, and had my Mum then said 'But I'm your Mum!' I would have then said 'Then from one Mum to another, understand I'm doing this for the safety of my child!'
Grandparents are great, but the new parents get to be how they want to, as none of us had to give birth or raise a child in a Pandemic, where cases are getting higher.
Good for the niece on standing her ground and making it clear, safe and concise for her baby. Clever, caring not entitlement.

I would have hoped that my daughter would have discussed this with me first, before anything was sent out, as at least we could have talked it through. I understand the sentiment - these are different times with covid, but I think as a grandparent, you could have been given the opportunity to isolate a little, if that was the major concern. I also understand about wanting to bond/have time as a couple with new baby, BUT 2 weeks seems a long time before a grandparent could visit? Would you be happy to ring your daughter to discuss, but think carefully about what you will say? Best of luck

Whats the issue? All seems fair enough to me. New parents can set their own rules and these are reasonable

As the mother/grandmother, I would have expected a phone call and gentle chat..not a rather curt note that’s been sent to every man and his dog. I would find the last paragraph rude and offensive…and would smile inwardly when they are asking for childcare etc in the future.

Just thinking of all the threads one seen on MN about pushy mothers and MILs taking over what should be private events for new parents. I am not (and never have been) a people pleaser so am a great believer in "my rules". If you dont care for my rules then the door is in that direction >>>

The message lays it on the line for all parties. I would have missed out the silly little hearts.

As for "Im your mum" that cuts no ice with me. My parents gave me the bare minimum in terms of upbringing. I once told my mother her opinion counted for no more with me than that of any passing stranger.

The people being precious here are the ones saying saying the parents are precious

We are all hormonal, as all our body contains them and we need them to function

Yes, this is not the first baby in the world.
But it is their first baby, their first time going through the experience.

Same as first time getting married, buying a car, becoming an aunt/grandma/getting bad news health wise

Just because it happened to others before, it doesnt you have previous experience yourself

Different people react differently to the same situation

So stop clutching your pearls and let adults decide how they want to live their lives

I would be very upset as her mother to receive this. She says baby will have a low immune system. I think this is probably not right. When our first GC was born DH had an ear infection so avoided holding him when we visited the day after he was born. The midwife said not to worry since newborn babies don’t get those kind of infections. Not sure if this is right or not but I shall never forget the look on his face when he cuddled his first GC the next day.

Hithere

The people being precious here are the ones saying saying the parents are precious

We are all hormonal, as all our body contains them and we need them to function

Yes, this is not the first baby in the world.
But it is their first baby, their first time going through the experience.

Same as first time getting married, buying a car, becoming an aunt/grandma/getting bad news health wise

Just because it happened to others before, it doesnt you have previous experience yourself

Different people react differently to the same situation

So stop clutching your pearls and let adults decide how they want to live their lives

that’s us told then

There is no doubt that, as her Mum, I would be hurt.
The hygiene 'rules' are fair enough at this time of Covid but it's how it is all expressed - the whole tone of the message is outrageously selfish.
To stop off to allow a peek in the car of your first grandchild wouldn't take much. Neither does making a cuppa whilst grandma has a cuddle.
The trouble with saying 'it's their child so their rules' is that it encourages the idea that they can carry on with no thought whatsoever for others.
Just wait until they want help and babysitting and school holidays covered by childcare.
Goodness me - I'm staggered by the audacity of such a message to a parent to say nothing of the hearts. They need to get a grip.

I just count myself lucky that our family relationships weren’t like this. I cherish a picture of my late mother holding my DD in the chair next to my hospital bed the day after my Caesarean, a lovely smile on her face. They’d travelled 2 hours to visit me in the hospital during visiting time, and late DB travelled twice as far, but they didn’t stay, went home of their own volition and GP came back to stay a few days after the 3 of us had settled back in back home, we were delighted to see them and they were a wonderful help, did all the meals, tidying and cleaning, tea for visitors and Mum helped with the baby. Stayed for about 10 days including when DH went back to work after a week’s holiday (no paternal leave then). No clash of wills whatsoever. But no accounting for different family dynamics, or even cultural expectations, and it was of course well pre-Covid. I can just envisage the midwives encouraging this sort of message, there was an element of that even back in the day; make sure your DH does his bit, don’t run around after visitors while they enjoy cuddling your baby, all common sense.
We don’t yet have GC sadly, who knows if we ever will, not our business, but it wouldn’t surprise me if DD laid down these sort of ground rules if they have children, though I’d like to think she would communicate them a bit more thoughtfully.
But nearly all those of our friends who do seem to spend their lives working around DCs’ childcare needs, to the exclusion of their own needs. I might feel differently if we had GC, I guess. When our DD was small, I remember thinking that those with Mums nearby didn’t know they were born, not to mention the cost of childcare. As others have commented, I wonder if OP’s niece will have that sort of expectation later on?
In the meantime, I would definitely be inclined to be unavailable, I think, when “summoned” in 2 weeks, just to make a point! Petty? Moi? Sure!

Blimey. I wish I’d thought to issue such commands when I had mine. It is an exhausting time and it’s good to set ground rules, but they’ve just gone over the top in their pre birth anxiety with too much thinking time on their hands.
Almost everything they have requested is fair enough to me although I do have to say that making coffee for visitors is whilst juggling looking after children is a useful skill for life! It’s just the lack of grace and charm about the whole message that is disappointing. Exactly the same sentiments could be expressed in a much friendlier, more thoughtful manner in my opinion. I can guarantee the exhausted young parents will feel embarrassed in a few weeks or months or years time when they are desperate for childcare from grandma/ grandparents ( for example to look after g/c no 1 when they have g/c no. 2) and they will look back on the wording as a panicky and embarrassing mistake ! They’re young and naive and have a lot to learn - forgive them. A little charm can go a long way. ( so can a coffee or two)

I think it's very hurtful to lump her mother in with friends and extended family but she may find their pleading with her for help before very long. My younger daughter, who lives some distance from me, told me that she wanted a day or two to ' bond' before I visited. The day after the baby was born I went to the city where she lives, to book into a hotel for a two nights to await the call to tell me I could visit. I was at reception in the hotel when my son-in-law called me to say that they were on the way home from the hospital, could I come! She'd had a difficult delivery and one night in hospital with a baby who didn't want to settle for more than an hour. I spent a few days with them walking the floor at night with the baby to let my daughter get some sleep between feeds. Your sister may find she's needed much more than they realise.

It would upset me greatly to have received this. I'd wonder what I'd done to deserve written rules and not a friendly discussion.

It’s just mean. That’s her Mum not an old school chum. A conversation about it face to face would have been far better. I think they will regret that in years to come, especially when they call on family to help (as they surely will). I lost my Mum at 17 years old, I’d have given anything for her to have seen my 3 beautiful babies. They are the ones that gave life to us and should be treated with love, care and respect, unless we deserve otherwise x

Gillycats

It’s just mean. That’s her Mum not an old school chum. A conversation about it face to face would have been far better. I think they will regret that in years to come, especially when they call on family to help (as they surely will). I lost my Mum at 17 years old, I’d have given anything for her to have seen my 3 beautiful babies. They are the ones that gave life to us and should be treated with love, care and respect, unless we deserve otherwise x

Lovely post, Gillycats

I can understand the need for a breathing space, some time to adjust, after a birth but lumping together the grandparents with friends and family is quite odd imo.

I think it is horrible. Not so much the sentiment but the manner in which it is written. What would have been wrong with requesting no visits etc?
And after two weeks, unless the mum has a c section , I really do think they will be up to making a cup of coffee and if they are too exhausted to do so, maybe they should have accepted some of the offers of help they will be denying themselves.
Not all visitors are an unwanted nuisance. How many of us grans have gone round to our DC's, taken food, cradled babies, done the pots, gathered the dirty washing, while sending the new parents off to have a much needed sleep?
I will give these new parents to be less than a week after the birth before longing for a visit , either because they need help or rest or even realising that it is nice to share.

Should have said "friends and other family" eg 2nd cousin twice removed etc.

I would feel the same as your poor sister. So humiliating. Sounds like new parents who are very anxious about their baby,but taking assertiveness way too far. How humiliating and upsetting to be given this patronising missive. A mother daughter chat would be far more effective. The other mother dare not disagree as she might worry it will create tension. Give me strength!

Sounds a bit precious but in the circs I think they're not being unreasonable.
All I would take issue with is the way it's written. They could have said it more gently during facetime.

This is horrible. I take it your sister and her daughter are not close. Or if they were they probably won't be now.
It's not that they want some boundaries/rules/time to themselves but the way she has told her mother.

I think if I got something like that I would considering whether I was available after the designated time was up!!

Shinamae

I think it’s absolutely fine

Me too. They're quite right to protect their baby at this time.

Polarbear2

More fool her I say. Wait til she’s sobbing on her knees with exhaustion and hormones. She’ll be happy to have her mum round then. All the gear and no idea.

Nasty comment
Meow

I wish people would talk to each other then all this upset could be avoided. My nephew and his partner operated a very similar system but managed to somehow do so without causing offence. We test before we visit anyone in their home anyway so that wouldn’t be a problem for us and washing hands before handling a new baby is surely what anyone would do anyway? Try to see it from the patents point of view. It’s their first child and they want to keep their baby as safe as they can from infection and for everything to be ‘right’ . Two weeks is no time at all. We could have all been in lockdown and no visits allowed for weeks….

cc

Shinamae

I think it’s absolutely fine

Me too. They're quite right to protect their baby at this time.

What they said was reasonable - it's just the way they said it accompanied by those nauseating ❤???
Including ? ?