Excluded Son Baby Shower

Have you spoken to your son and told him how upset you are at not being invited? That would be my first step. Explain to him calmly just how this is making you feel and ask why you've not been invited.

Sorry, but what is SO ?

Silly me……..significant other ?

Please be patient as I have never been in a chat room before

Such a cliche!

I ve never understood the need for these shower things I ve never been to one, luckily none of my children were into it so I find the importance hard to understand however having said that I think it’s pretty mean of your son to have not invited you so I agree with blondie speak calmly to your son, it is always very hurtful to be the only one left out of something and I think it’s mean

crazyH

Sorry, but what is SO ?

I was about to ask the same question but Significant Other came to mind.

It does sound as if the DIL was looking for a reason to exclude you. How does her husband feel about her behaviour?

Riverwalk

^Please be patient as I have never been in a chat room before^

Such a cliche!

But this story sounded familiar, particularly the part about the cousin coming along on the holiday and being disrespectful.

I didn't know that men went to baby showers, thought it was a girl thing.
That's sexist isn't it! We need to challenge that.

My son and I were talking up until about the time the invitations got sent out then he quit answering my calls or texts. My ex-husband called me and said I should apologize to the cousin but everyone who witnessed it said no.

My mother wants to take the things I have bought for the baby to the shower and make sure everyone knows there from me but I am thinking to avoid future drama that I should just send them to their house.

If your family had any respect for you they should show solidarity with you and not go themselves if you are not invited.

If I was you I’d be less concerned about the shower and more worried about what if any relationship you’ll be able to have with them and the baby when it arrives. This sets a real precedent for you being excluded

They also wouldn’t be getting any gifts from me.
I assume they will expect gifts when the baby is born but then you may not be allowed to see it

I’m sure remember the bit about the cousin and the holiday, are you sure you haven’t posted before?

Baby showers are quite ridiculous so I wouldn’t want to go to one anyway but like other posters have said you do need an explanation as to why you have been excluded.

There has been a similar problem posted before about an invited guest at the last minute but I can’t remember the outcome.

I remember there was a big row.

annsixty

If your family had any respect for you they should show solidarity with you and not go themselves if you are not invited.

I agree.

The first thing that struck me from your post was.... try to treat them as part of the family This suggests that being part of your family isn’t automatic, which it surely is isn’t it?

It may be there is something in your attitude which riles this particular DIL. It is a very common problem. DIL’s cleave to their own families. Not always....but mostly.

You were obviously ( understandably) excited at the holiday you were planning, but your DIL perhaps wasn’t, therefore wanting her cousin there.

How is your other son and his wife? Do you think you have a good relationship with them?

You can’t make things work. You maybe need to be more laid back...take holidays with your ‘ significant other’, and don’t put so much emphasis on what your sons are doing. You may find they’ll then take the first step more, and include you.

I would imagine your DIL feels awkward with/ around you, hence the absence of an invite to baby shower. It’s a very obvious statement to make. Won’t go unnoticed you’re not invited.

I would give this couple space. The ‘ shower ‘ is not important, but the rest of your lives together are.

Congratulations by the way.

What happened that cousin was that disrespectful in that trip?

I agree that not being invited to the many shower may be the beginning of what your future holds with them

And what did those text to your son say?

Sometimes it is not the issue, also how people react to the situation

I understand why you are upset, on the other hand would you really want to be there under the circumstances you have described! I wouldn't worry, if you make a fuss you are playing into her hands . Stay away and treat yourself to something you will enjoy.

What a storm in a teacup, but this is the curse of families that have to live in each other's pockets.
It seems extraordinarily mean and spiteful. to exclude you and invite all the other members of your family, all of whom seem to know what has happened. know. What on earth has it got to do with your ex-husband?

Your son is the one you need to talk to, and if he is involved in this baby shower he shares half the responsibility and should not be allowing his wife to use what should be a pleasant social gathering to humiliate his mother.

Really?

Yes really.
This daughter in law will shortly be raising a child of her own, and using the imminent birth of her child as a means of humiliating her mother in law over a disagreement with a cousin is beyond cruel, plus intentionally setting a family feud in motion.

Have you checked that you are not invited on purpose?

You said you blew up at her cousin, what did that involve?

Were you able to resolve things with her cousin? If not maybe you are not invited because your DIL fears problems will continue between you and cousin or cousin will be upset by your presence