Excluded Son Baby Shower

It’s a wind up surely.

I think so too.

I think you need to focus on the relationship not on the shower. The lack of invitation is a symptom of a bigger problem, not the problem in itself

Clearly you feel, and have had validated by others, that it was the cousin who was out of order and not you. That may well be the case but I think you need to weigh up which is more important to you... being "right" or "having a relationship with your family, including your new grandchild".

If you wish to prioritise maintaining a a relationship and contact with your son and his family then I suggest you:

1. Contact your son/DIL (by letter maybe) and say:
*You understand that they are upset and angry about your argument with DILs cousin
*That you are sorry that this has caused a rift between you and that you would like to make up and move on
*Ask them what you can do to make that possible
*Tell them that you love them and care about them

Now if you get a reply and they tell you that you must apologise you could:

*Ask specifically what you are apologising for
*Explain why you said/did what you did that they mention
*Highlight your view that the cousin was wrong etc and that you expect an apology from the cousin

OR

You could:
*tell them that although you don't entirely agree with them your future relationship with them is more important to you and so yes you will apologise.
*Apologise to the cousin
*Invite your son and DIL over or whatever and start working to get things back to normal

Only you can decide which way you want to go with this. But be aware that, on the basis of what you have described, there is every chance that further problems will arise and you may find yourself back at square 1, treading on egg shells and being excluded from things anyway

Another thing that strikes me is your other family going along, without raising the issue. Your mother is presumably scared of also being left out!!! Basically then everyone is being manipulated by the wishes/anger of one, maybe 2 people in the family! Hmmmm!

Dinahmo

I think so too.

I have a feeling of dejà vu
Or dejá vu?

Please feel free to correct ?

I understand how easy it is to scam people when I see the amount of people that respond to this utter b****x.

I can't imagine either my mother, any of her sisters or my DSs going to a family event I hadn't been invited to and they would all say loudly why they wouldn't go.

Germanshepherdsmum

It’s a wind up surely.

I agree, there are quite a few threads at the moment that don't ring true.

Another spoof story! Where do people find the time?

Please be patient as I have never been in a chat room before

Actually this isn’t a Chat Room

What exactly is a Chat Room?

I am so uneducated.

Is it, like, the WI on Zoom?

When everyone sits there surreptitiously doing their knitting?