Talking to my 12 year old DGD about being autistic

Make sure each individual teacher knows the situation. My grandson, good at maths, but not brilliant, had a really hard time , being asked for immediate answers and reasons etc., till daughter told of autism, he had no knowledge. Much better now!

As you say violetsky autism comes in many forms , my nephew, not highly functioning, is very unlike my friend. There would be no point talking to him about his situation because he wouldn’t understand at all. He will have to be helped to cope all through his life. Thank goodness he has siblings.

My friend is very literal. Perhaps, unlike you, she is just a nasty person?

pamela if she can learn right from wrong then probably sadly

Many thanks to all for your thoughtful answers. I need to speak to my daughter and to make a plan for telling DGD in a loving way. I'll use what I've read here to help formulate a plan . I think my daughter just can't face doing this by herself - thankfully we have a very close relationship so we can do this together . My DGD does need to know why she is like she is, so she doesn't have to struggle.

Let us know how you get on. Good luck

I’m autistic. I would suggest you say ‘many people’ rather than ‘you’ think differently. I found it more comforting to learn that I often saw things in a particular way, rather than in a different way. For many years I felt alone thinking it was just me. Also, not everyone who is autistic has special super powers like the stereotype usually implies! For women in particular it is often a curse as it is so tied up with social situations and women are expected to be better at these naturally.

It sounds like your DD is resisting admitting it. Perhaps she fears that by doing that she will be labelling her daughter and there is no going back. I do think you are right in saying you need to have the conversation with her as your DGD really needs the all the help and encouragement she can get to manage her secondary school years and further education as well as her mental health. My DS is 35 and has been referred for an assessment for autism. Looking back there were a few signs but we put things down to him being "DS". It has not hampered him. He went to uni and is a successful programmer and developer but he is himself - he does drumming and is interested in Druidism, will not be rushed, researches everything he does/buys etc and has very involved and interesting help and communication with his Spanish boss who is very helpful. His DP is very supportive as well and I think he just wants to find out why he is the way he is. DH is (not in his hearing) skeptical but DH family don't believe in things like depression, poor mental health etc which I find hard as I was a nurse. DS is actually very like DH who I believe has autistic tendencies as well. It is strange to me as DH, DD1 are teachers, DsiL is policeman and they are all very "A" type personalities who rush about and think they are always right. Myself and DD2 are nurses and not so dominant and tend to think the best of people while thinking we are failing all the time. Anyway DS has a lot of friends who are autistic and they support each other. He has had this friendship group since graduating and I think they have and still do help each other. Starrynight you sound like you will be a huge support to your DGD and ultimately to your DD's family so well done and stick with it and hopefully your DGD will get the help she needs and friends she can rely on.

My DGS is on the autistic spectrum and also has dyslexia. He has known about his diagnosis from the beginning and I think that has helped him. There is a ven diagram somewhere on the internet that shows a link between all the various diagnoses of dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD and autism etc. DGS took this to school and he and others found common links.

Perhaps if your DGD has a bad time socially tell her things can improve as she gets older and develops more skills.
Nothing weird about her we are all different, I hope she gets on ok

I am surprised that her mum has not yet talked with her about this, especially given her professional role.

I have a DGD (currently wishing to transition) who has a similar diagnosis. I have never actually talked with her about this - though of curse his/her parents do - but I just keep finding ways to bolster his/her confidence, and of course telling her how proud I am of her/him. And struggling with pronouns, as you can see!

Read these comments/observations with interest. My grandson is diagnosed but, apart from being slow to speak, presents as any other nero-typical child. My 3 year old granddaughter however is on the point of being diagnosed and is much more obviously on the spectrum. Brings comfort to hear stories here but, I can’t lie, I’m also heartbroken at times and wish it wasn’t so.

Having met and seen any problems/successes of one autistic child is just that. Little help with another autistic child.

My eldest g.son was diagnosed when 5 year of age. Many difficult times ocurred - some extremely so. Did finally go to special school for autistic children for last three secondary years. Learned many management techniques. Now, still with quite a few problems, at the age of 22 years, nearing end of second year of 4-year Masters Degree course in chemical studies. It does seem as if things are getting better, but who knows.

His sister did receive her diagnosis until well into her teens. Different person, different problems, different techniques for management required.

This is a tough one OP.

If it were me I’d talk it over with your daughter about you both having a chat with your GD. Hopefully once you’ve explained to your daughter about your concerns you can move forward with this. My DD received a very late diagnosis for ASD and ADD and we’ve had an awful time with it, I’d hate that to be the case for you your GD.

I do hope school are on it and offering good support and helping her. Best of luck.

Tough one for you OP.
One of my grandchildren was diagnosed as Atypical asd when aged 8. The now adult says it helped the a lot. Always felt different, never fitted in. Knowing why helped and still does

Whilst I have no advice, this is very informative for me. I have 2 autistic grandchildren - 5 year old boy who is high functioning and 3 year old girl who appears to be more severe at the moment. I hope, that as autism seems to be more commonly diagnosed now, that it will be easier to explain their diagnosis to them. Still makes me want to cry though!