Should I interfere with son's relationship

Yes of course you should interfere with your son's relationship. Nothing wrong with that statement at all.
(Just thought I would add a spot of variety into this topic, which surely isn't serious)

You want to help as you love your son ... simple answer is no ... whatever happens if you interfere you will possibly get the blame ... just be there for him whatever happens , although don't comment if things ho wrong

Would you have wanted your mother to start telling you how you should conduct your relationships?

I've got sons. I learned long ago to never interfere in their personal lives. So they are still nice to me.

I agree with everyone who has responded. You need to stay out of this Greg your son is an adult and if hasn't done so already, needs to learn how behave in his relationships.

Sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way, and a 30 something year old is too old to be taught these lessons by a parent and has to learn them for himself.

You've already made your comments and received an answer.
Leave it at that.

Bluntly: mind your own business. This is nothing to do with you and if you try to push him in a direction he's hesitant to take, you risk alienating him.

It's not your place to interfere. He's bug enough to make his own mistakes and sort out his own problems.

If he comes to you for advice, then you can listen and say the decisions are his to make.

Whatever our children's age, as a mother it's hard to stand back and see them going down the wrong roads. But they have to learn to get on the right road by experiencing these things without subjective interference.

Please leave them to get on with their lives' they will not thank you for interfering with their relationship.

Good advice .

You really can't interfere in your son's life ... he won't thank you for it .
If he neglects his new girlfriend and she leaves him - he'll learn the hard way .
There is absolutely nothing that you can do about it .

We were all devastated when my son's long term girlfriend and he rowed and they split up .
It was only supposed to be a break from each other as they tried to work out a compromise .
Her family were great too .
We were all friends .

She didn't want work in this country despite the offers and he couldn't find ANY work in her country
- that's why .
There is massive unemployment there .
She can only find work in a coffee bar not using her degree .

No other reason .

It took him a very long time to come to terms with it .
I don't think that he's ever got over it .
And he's never really been happy with his current girlfriend .

Greg37, why are you even asking this? You must know that interfering in any way at all is out of the question.

Worst idea ever (but you knew this). Take quite a few steps back. His age makes the desire to interfere alarming actually. It’s not appropriate. There are plenty of other subjects you two can discuss and bond over.

I will say, I understand that as a parent you just want your son to settle down and have a happy life. Nothing wrong with that, as long as your desire doesn’t start dictating actions and conversation

Probably tell you it's his life and he'll do what he wants...Save yourself the grief and let them get on with their relationship...

38 x “No” so this is number 39.
Why on earth do you need to ask?

'Interfere' is a poor choice of word.
I think the mother has watched the son's first marriage disintegrate, and sees similar behaviour from him the second time round,which she fears will cause the relationship to founder.
She has tried subtle advice which the son has disregarded so there is nothing more she can do , other than tell him a few blunt home truths if the relationship does fail.
Perhaps she doesn't want him back home again.

I made a definite decision, years ago, to never interfere in my AC's marriages.

It never helps - they have to make their own choices.?

I feel this has been taken way too seriously, if you have a comfortable relationship with your son, I don’t see that the odd comment is interfering,

I absolutely wouldn’t tell him what I thought he should do, I don’t mind anyway, as long as he’s happy he can do whatever he likes.

But that wouldn’t stop me making the observation that maybe he could try a bit harder.

eazybee

'Interfere' is a poor choice of word.
I think the mother has watched the son's first marriage disintegrate, and sees similar behaviour from him the second time round,which she fears will cause the relationship to founder.
She has tried subtle advice which the son has disregarded so there is nothing more she can do , other than tell him a few blunt home truths if the relationship does fail.
Perhaps she doesn't want him back home again.

The mother's fears are her business, not her sons's.

She should ditch the "subtle advice" and accept that her son is her son and he is how he is.

If she doesn't want him back home she can tell him that the consequences of his choices are his problem (if it comes to that and they are problematic), not hers.

In short, she should treat him like an adult.

Stay out of it - by trying to pull them together you could drive them apart.

Also, they could have a modern relationship and be "friends with benefits" - not your business so leave well alone

@Sara1954

As much as the mother would like to think she does, she doesn’t really know the dynamics of her son’s relationship. Her concerns—and they are her’s—are based on het limited perspective as someone outside of that relationship. It’s not a stretch to assume she’s not in the young woman’s confidence about her relationship, so it’s beyond an overstep to presume to be her spokesperson. Adults should leave adults to manage their own personal affairs. Intent doesn’t translate to appropriateness. What you may think is subtle suggestion, these two fully adults may find interfering and intrusive. Erring on the side of minding one’s own business is the best approach to another adult’s personal relationship.

I would absolutely not give unsolicited advice or allude to why things went wrong previously and could potentially now but I don't think it would hurt to speak generally about the things that make you feel special, what his Dad did/does that you really enjoy/ed and how you felt. But tread very carefully and don't make it 'a conversation' rather just mention these things in passing. As someone else said it does depend on your relationship and also what kind of person your son is.

Still think people are overthinking this.
I wouldn’t, and wouldn’t want to involve myself in my sons life, but I think we can have lighthearted chats, and a bit of banter without him thinking I was interfering.

You can't interfere. We always want what is best for our children but they are adults. My son had 3 long-term relationships which failed for reasons which were not of his making. First, too young, at university. 2nd, illness interfered at the beginning of the relationship which subsequently foundered. 3rd, religious reasons. Now he seems to have a lovely partner albeit 6 years younger but they adore each other so fingers crossed this one is for keeps. Keep the faith Greg37

doubt this a serious.
who would describe themselves as interfering.
perhaps it's a reversal, to get ammunition to shew to the offender.
or just a wind-up, to see how many outraged grannies OP can rile.

are you your sons therapist?