Should I interfere with son's relationship

May not be a permenant relationship, you have no idea of what their expectations are, don't interfere, he may not want the sort of relationship you think he should have.

I wouldn't consider it interfering to ask my son if he was being nice to his girlfriend, and neither would he. He would either give me a serious answer, or make a joke of it. In either case I would only say it once, then let them get on with it.

Best to let him get on on with it. My ex MIL stuck her beak in our marriage so much, at times she made things a lot worse. My ex was 30 when we married, he was an only child and a late baby, she treated him like a 10 year old. If your son makes mistakes he's only got himself to blame and it won't then affect your relationship either.

Definitely not. He is an adult...

Attend to your own life!

Just to throw another spin on it. How do you not know she’s ok with the way he conducts his relationship, women of today are a lot more independent than our era. Just because you think he should be more attentive towards her maybe it’s not something she desires.

No.

As much as the mother would like to think she does, she doesn’t really know the dynamics of her son’s relationship. Her concerns—and they are her’s—are based on her limited perspective as someone outside of that relationship. It’s not a stretch to assume she’s not in the young woman’s confidence about her relationship, so it’s beyond an overstep to presume to be her spokesperson. Adults should leave adults to manage their own personal affairs. Intent doesn’t translate to appropriateness. What you may think is subtle suggestion, these two fully adults may find interfering and intrusive. Erring on the side of minding one’s own business is the best approach to another adult’s personal relationship.

Interfering in an adult's life? Stay outside the glass.

Let them get on with it themselves and be there for your son if it doesn't work out well.

I quoted Stiller's excellent response. Didn't mean to imply it was my response. Sorry

I don't see any harm in OP asking her son if things are OK. I think I would also chat to his girlfriend, just to find out more but without interfering.

"I think I would also chat to his girlfriend, just to find out more but without interfering"

Sorry, off I were 'the girlfriend' I would certainly consider any contact by boyfriends Mum as interfering. Leave well alone.

He says the girl is fine with it. Maybe she prefers it this way.

No I wouldn’t chat to the girlfriend, and I wouldn’t ask my son questions about his relationship, but I might say something like, don’t you think it would be nice if you took her out a bit more often.
If he said, no he didn’t Thankyou very much, that would be the end of that, no harm done

Am I the only one who would say mention something ? It's only advice he doesn't need to take it ,you've only got his best interest at heart

two words - butt out!

Reading this thread and others like it, I am contantly surprised how many of you say that one should never discuss adult children's relationships with them, and that our adult children should not dream of asking our advice!

My concept of family is very different:

while I agree that we should never interfere, or proffer unwanted advice, to me family is who you turn to first if something is worrying you, or is really going wrong.

When my son rang two years ago, almost in tears, as his partner was leaving him, he asked if he could come here, and of course we both said yes. As it turned out, they agreed to solve their differences and stayed together, without him needing to turn to us, but that was all to the good, (I hope).

But the priniciple holds - who do you turn to, if not to your families?

Professional advice may indeed be necessary or desirable, but to me it is only an uncaring, unloving family that does not share problems and worries, as well as all the good things.

Suzey

Am I the only one who would say mention something ? It's only advice he doesn't need to take it ,you've only got his best interest at heart

OP has already suggested things.

The question is really - should she interfere further?
No she shouldn't.

Least said soonest mended.

Step away from your son's relationships!!!! It's his life, let him live it how he chooses. If no actual danger present it's none of your beeswax! If it goes tits up, be ready with the shoulder and somewhere to flop!

grandtanteJE65

Reading this thread and others like it, I am contantly surprised how many of you say that one should never discuss adult children's relationships with them, and that our adult children should not dream of asking our advice!

My concept of family is very different:

while I agree that we should never interfere, or proffer unwanted advice, to me family is who you turn to first if something is worrying you, or is really going wrong.

When my son rang two years ago, almost in tears, as his partner was leaving him, he asked if he could come here, and of course we both said yes. As it turned out, they agreed to solve their differences and stayed together, without him needing to turn to us, but that was all to the good, (I hope).

But the priniciple holds - who do you turn to, if not to your families?

Professional advice may indeed be necessary or desirable, but to me it is only an uncaring, unloving family that does not share problems and worries, as well as all the good things.

I think your slant is skewed somewhat if you don't mind me saying. This is a case of mum stepping in unbidden and unwanted to put her ideas forward.not that son's asking advice!

absolutely NOT

Don’t do anything. Say you interfere, then they get married and then she turns out to be a nightmare! Who will be to blame then Mum? X

No.

Being a mum of two sons I’d never dream of intervention in any of their relationships, yes I’ve watched them both going through some right nightmares with women and my advice would be say nothing unless it’s asked for. Try putting it the other way round how would you feel if someone butt in your love life. Kids only learn by their mistakes like any of us did and do.

1 no
2 hell no
3 are you crazy or what?
4 see 1