Sick of being fobbed off by son and dil

That’s really sad as money goes these days you d expect them to bite your hand off to help Have you had a falling out with either son or daughter in law ? How about you invite the over for a meal or even a snack at yours seeing as they don’t invite you to theirs
All seems strange have they any reason to not trust you or any history of falling out

Sorry to hear you feel sidelined. Did you have a close relationship with them before your granddaughter?

Gently asking, do you think it’s a result of something you may have inadvertently done that they might not have approved of? Being a bit over enthusiastic can have new parents running for the hills.

Please do not take their options personally, young families are really busy

How often did you see them before the child was born?

How about investing your energy on a non profit that will thank you for making a difference?

Thank you for your comments.
It's true I hardly saw them in the two years of their relationship pre-baby but pandemic didn't help. I feel they see me as an embarrassment as I am not well off. They have only bought baby over to mine once. My son and I have a complicated relationship since his dad died when son was a teenager. There have not been any rows or falling out with them as a couple and I'm truly glad son is settled. Good advice to put energy elsewhere. Thanks for letting me vent. I hope things improve with time.

There go your answers
Not a frequent meeting schedule pre baby
Difficult relationship with son for years

A baby is not going to address all that and magically fix it to your satisfaction

The less you force it, the better for the relationship to heal

Thank You. I can't force relationship that's not there and I see that baby can't herald a brew era. It's good to be told these things. Much to reflect on. here.

Sorry new era not brew era.

That's an awful situation, I really feel for you. Things can change so don't give up hope.

Feel very sorry for you but I don’t think you can do much about it. Do you talk on the phone? Could you just say outright that you would love to see your grand daughter and maybe they could come to visit or could you meet up somewhere?

My friend has never met her grandson and he is 5 now. Her son is allowed to see him but at his ex partners home only. She has such a lot of love to give and would be a wonderful Grandma.

It shouldn’t make a difference if you are not well off.

From my experience there seem to be those families that are close and those that are not. Unfortunately, DILs often set the pace and if ones son has chosen a non family partner, that is already one down for his side of the family. If he has chosen a family orientated partner then the other side of the family tends to get included. It all goes back to the old story of make a life for yourself post kids, as one has no guarantee what they will choose for their life which may or may not include grandparents. Sad but true.

Life with a baby is so tiring. You forget. They probably don't have time to enjoy her themselves especially if they work as well.
I doubt it's to do with your lack of finances.
I didn't meet one DGS until he was 10 months old. He lives in NZ
We have a good relationship though and WhatsApp eachother.

The nearer ones I don't see very often either. It's up to them.
I have my own life not dependent on them.

Londonlyra I understand your sadness about this and hope that things get better.

"Do you talk on the phone? Could you just say outright that you would love to see your grand daughter and maybe they could come to visit or could you meet up somewhere?"

Please do not do this, very common grandparent mistake

"Could you just say outright that you would love to see your grand daughter"
Expressing interest in just the child and not the parents is very irritating to ignore 2 out of 3 team members
Very rude

"and maybe they could come to visit or could you meet up somewhere?"
So asking parents of a young baby or child to go to your home so you can see their child is very selfish

The person who has the most interest and puts the request should make the most effort to make it happen, not wait for it to be served on a silver platter

Add to the mix that son and op dont have a good relationship - why would the son make any effort if the underlying issues of the rift are unsolved?

Invite them all for Sunday lunch, who can refuse a roast dinner?

Londonlyra didn't want to just "walk on by" - sorry you are sad.

How many times (if at all) have you seen the family in the last year?
I think you need to build the relationship with your son and partner before there will be any joy with their child.

A lot of people are more interested in the baby than the parents - but your son, partner and the baby are a little family now - and us grans are mostly outside of that.

I may be wrong but get the feeling by some responses that there are people on here who aren’t yet grandparents.
To say it’s selfish to invite your child and grandchildren to your family home ... seriously?

Yes seriously -unless the parents offer to visit the grandparents place

Grandparents forget how much work a child is and how little time families have

Packing all the things a child needs, coordinate the visit in between nap times, assuming nobody is feeling unwell, child may or not have the car seat or stroller, time for commuting back and forth, etc

Yes, parents are so selfish for taking their nuclear family's needs into account than catering to a grandparent that may only express interest on the child (sarcasm on)

Basically - somebody wants to see my child but also wants me to make all the effort to make it possible- who is selfish here

I would focus on your son and healing the relationship between you

Take away any pressure with offers to babysit or requests to see the baby

Focus on him, make the relationship stronger again, talk to him, ask him what he needs from you to be closer again

The best way to have a good relationship with the grandchildren is to have a good relationship with the parents

... bit if there is no invitation from the son,?

I wasn’t that close to my in laws. We were very different people but they were my dh parents. We visited them and invited them to our home regularly because they were our children’s grandparents.
We were busy too, we do know about having young children, having brought up our own, but always made a point of finding the time for their grandparents and always made them welcome.

My sympathies. Tread softly, make your own life, be open to any opportunities, show you care in non demanding ways (cards, gifts at birthdays, christmas) and hope x
I can see the difficulties because of DH dying, then Covid, and none of it is your fault, because in Covid time they will have got close without you - I'm sure it impacted many others - and certainly not the money thing.

Can you invite them?
We have a new gc and they are actually quite grateful to come over fora Sunday roast! Any minute now in fact.
It’s a very difficult time for them.

Then address why no invitation with son and repair your relationship with son

Just because you did x and y when you had kids doesn't mean others will behave same way