Unsure about friends behaviour

I worked with someone like her. I took to just answering “Do you think so?” when she tried to start up conversations about others. She soon got bored with me.

Even though the staff knew her reputation some would still confide very intimate private details to her. Perhaps she should have been an interrogator!

I agree with everyone on GN. Don't confide in a colleague about another colleague, just walk away from the difficult person and don't let it affect you. Do your job the best you can, don't gossip or get involved with anyone and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU TALK TO ONE COLLEAGUE ABOUT ANOTHER ONE.

Work place friendships can be very superficial. You are thrown together with a bunch of people you would probably never choose as friends but as you’re stuck with them all day everyday sometimes for years you do your best to try and get on. Sometimes this can lead to you letting your guard down and telling them too much.

It is possible to make genuine long lasting friendships at work but it’s always wise to tread carefully and watch what you tell certain people as you can’t trust everyone no matter how friendly they may seem to your face.

your gut instinct. Stop the confiding. She will bad mouth you if she has the ammunition. No need to fall out with her but just think before you speak. Keep things to yourself that you would not want repeating.

Stay superficially friendly but never confide anything to her again. She is enjoying being a pot-stirrer, dont enable her.

Woo33

Thanks for your reply but truly, she isn’t! She often agrees with me!

Yes, she often agrees with you to your face but...........!
From experience, it doesn't matter how friendly and kind any work colleagues are, or how much they promise integrity. and. discretion, there will always be that one who takes great delight in repeating everything you have off-loaded and discussed in private.

There's a very fine line between talking about work colleagues without their knowledge "because you're concerned about them", and gossiping about them behind their backs. What you can rely on is that if someone gossips with you, they will almost certainly gossip about you too. I've usually found that people who are happy about their lives seldom talk about others in any negative way, and tend to concentrate on the positives they see in their friends and colleagues. We know that we're all flawed anyway, so why focus on that when we interact? I'd much rather walk quietly away from shallow conversations that may end up hurting others. "Zip it" in the circumstances you have described really is good advice.

Great advice on here, which I hope will help you. May I ask, how did you find out what she was up to?

Of course she will check in with the third parties - to tell them that he knows what happened, and maybe mention you while she's at it, too. That way, she will be checking on you, getting both sides of the story, to see whether you have lied or at least exaggerated things. The fact that she appears to agree with you is neither here nor there - she does that so you feel at ease. She is a viper. Do not trust her.

Maybe she isn't stirring, maybe she is checking in on someone to see if the feeling is mutual by general chit chat and not breaking a confidence. You haven't mentioned whether your friend actually comes back to you with anything the other party has said that might indicate why there's animosity. Having said all that, I'd back off telling her anything about colleagues or, for that matter, anything personal as you should trust your gut feeling that she does not have your best interests at heart.

Work friends often aren’t friends, she didn’t choose to spend time with you, she’s literally paid to be there with you. Stop confiding because you are setting yourself up for a lot of conflict